What Ho SEC? Why are you kind of weak?!?!

Well, because the SEC West is made of Medicore. There are three good second tier teams of the SEC East. And yet? What do we know about them!?!

SEC East
1) Kentucky (Patrick Patterson is a great low-post force. He has a great wingman with Perry Stevenson, and because of that? Jodie Meeks can keep gunning.)
2) Tennessee (Brian Williams and Wayne Chism are a great rebounding tag team. And with Tyler Smith? They have a great frontcourt.)
3) Florida (Mareese Speights riding the bench of the 76ers has killed this teams chances of becoming a title contender. Also? Walter Hodge needs to be offensively assertive.)
4) South Carolina (The stats may be a schoch inflated, but this is a team of playmakers. Devan Downey has hands and wheels of steal. Dominique Archie is for a salad bar. But Kentucky and Tennessee could eat them alive if they don't control tempo.)
5) Vanderbilt (A.J. Ogilvy has a great shot at the power and glory of what being the next Andrew Bogut would mean.)
6) Georgia (Play Travis leslie more! Do it now, Dennis Felton! He will save your job! I mean it!)

SEC West
1) LSU (They make teams shoot bad. But yet, Bo Spencer needs to shoot more. An assertive Bo selector is a better Bayou Bengal.)
2) Auburn (They may not be great outside of Korvortney Barber, but they are pretty strong defenders.)
3) Arkansas (They rock the offensive glass. Marcus Britt and Rotnei Clarke can score, and Courtney Fortson can distribute. This is a potentially spectaculr team next season.)
4) Ole Miss (The Chris Warren experience has broken down. This leaves David Huertas as a one-man army. Murphy Holloway needs to step up.)
5) Mississippi State (Dee Best is a decent Freshman point guard. Jarvis Varnado is positively Mutomban in his low-post defense. But after that, it's nothing but youth energy.)
6) Alabama (There's a seeming amount of talent with JaMychal Green, Senario Hillman, and Justin Knox behind the senior leadership of Alonzo Gee and Ronald Steele. But Steele and Hillman are poor point guards, thus the struggle.)

Remarkably? The Big 10 doesn't suck and blow in Basketball.

Really. It's an odd thing, but it's true. They are RPI rich. And even if they aren't top heavy, they are rich in B-list glory. So, what do we know? I'll tell you.

1. Illinois (When the three guards are clicking? Bruce Weber's teams can roll. Chester Frazier, Demetri McCamey, and Trent Meacham have been pretty solid so far. They can shoot and the Mikes can rebound. Sometimes it's as simple as that.)
2. Ohio State (Evan Turner's emergence has more than made up for the sruggles of B.J. Mullens.)
3. Michigan State (You know the team of Raymar Morgan and Goran Suton, and Delvon Roe has been a great defender off the bench. But you know what? This team would be nowehere near as good without Kalin Lucas.)
4. Wisconsin (Play Jon leuer more. He has been an excellent offensive player so far. He may be the zone buster who can allow the Badgers to get clutch down the stretch.)
5. Penn State (Jamelle Cornley has defensive help from Andrew Jones and Jeff Brooks. But even if he struggled versus the Badgers, the reason why this team has been doing pretty well so far is Talor Battle. He is a salad bar of quarterbackery awesome.)
6. Purdue (They defend very well. They take care of the ball very well. They go 8 deep. And beyond the two known studs are emergences of Chris Kramer and JaJuan Johnson. They make big plays.)
7. Northwestern (A solid collegiate triumverate in Michael Thompson, Craig Moore and Kevin Coble. And there is a reason to believe John Shurna has some bills paying skills.)
8. Iowa (Cyrus tate is the low-post defense for great glory. And Matt Gatens could be a great offensive player when he grows up.)
9. Minnesota (They became good because their defense can generate big plays and the offense is efficient. Al Nolen is great at the point and Damian Johnson is a very salad bar version of a slasher.)
10. Michigan (DeShawn Sims, manny Harris, and a very efficient offense have moved this team far away from decrepit all the way to a decent team.)
11. Indiana (Is there hope for the future? The good doctor Tom Prichard is a very good low-post defender. And if Daniel Moore can learn how to take care of the ball? Maybe they can be merely bad next year.)

So you know what?

I have a full head of thoughts. Bits and Baubles. All sorts of thinsg. So...

I believe in Eastbound and Down

I rented Foot Fist Way. And it was really good. I mean a great character piece. Could it have only been Danny McBride doing it? Probably not. But who could have done it better?

Nobody. This is why Eastbound and Down is going to be awesome. It's the same people coming together for great justice.

Baltimore will beat Tennessee next week.

I am saying it now. It is in the bank. Laugh if I am wrong.

Winter is Hack.

You think you know? But you have no idea.

I want a football pre-game show that is set up like The View.

Not in terms of 4 cougar to elderly harpies. No no. I would love a show with 4 divergent viewpoints. Like if Aaron Schatz, The Mighty MJD, Matt Millen and Bob Costas got together. That would be a pre-game show of potential awesomeness.

And finally...just watch this. It's funny!

Utah deserves a split national championship.

I'm not going to say that they are the best team in the country. It's because I cannot. Utah was able to handle themselves with style an aplomb against an Alabama team who took Florida to the limit as well as killed the meme of Georgia as a #1 team. Put it this way. They're good.

Utah was much better.

They ran the table. They beat several quality opponents along the way. They did not lose to a team they were not supposed to (Hi Ole Miss!) And when they were faced with a quality opponent? They did not get beat.

If Oklahoma faced Utah, would they win? Probably. But this is why they deserve a shot.

This is why we need the playoffs!

So how in flux is the Big 12?

After Kansas lost everybody, their mother, and the drugs of the Supernintendo Chalmers, there had to be a bit of a letdown. And that's okay. Because the Big 10 knows how it feels to be a down conference. But hey? What do we know about your Big 12 in peril?

1. Missouri (They are built on fast hands and the low post of Leo Lyons and DeMarre Carroll.)
2. Kansas (Cole Aldrich has the defensive skills to contain Blake Griffin, but outside of him and Sherron Collins? There's not much offense. Bring in the Morning Star!)
3. Kansas State (Why are they not useless in 1 A.B.? They clean the offensive glass with style and aplomb.)
4. Oklahoma (Blake Griffin is the best player in the NCAA. He will be the #1 draft choice if Ricky Rubio's rumors are untrue. That's obvious. But Cole Davis? He's the Sooners Vinnie Johnson. Yeah, he is the Microwave.)
5. Texas (If the Longhorns lose Daimon James for an extended period of time? They are in deep trouble. That's obvious. But unless Dexter Pittman can lose 20-30 more pounds there will be cognitive dissonance in Austin.)
6. Baylor (Weakness: Kevin Rogers is their only low post defense. Strength: Curtis Jerrells is a delightful point guard. And kevin Rogers is a solid 4.)
7. Oklahoma State (Byron Eaton has the hands of a pickpocket, and he leads a team of bombers that promise, at the very least, to be a team filled with an entertaining streak.)
8. Nebraska (Poor offensively with a great defense. I mean, Paul Velander can shoot. But this is a team that lives and dies on its pressure alone.)
9. Texas A&M (Josh Carter needs to be more assertive offensively, and maybe you give Chinemelu Elonu more burn when you get to the heart of conference play.)
10. Iowa State (Dear Craig Brackins, please stop taking so many bad shots. Love, Hilton Coliseium.)
11. Texas Tech (They are lucky, but Alan Voskuil and John Roberson are good.)
12. Colorado (Outside of Cory Higgins and Nate Tomlinson, there's little hope for the future. But that's at this point. They are super young.)

You want an NFL Preview? I give you one.

Okay, let's be honest. This is a weird scenario. We have four wild card favorites. There are no division champions who you would consider dominant. But yet? Every favorite is by a small margin.

So, who do I have in the playoffs? Well, if you're here? You must want to know, so...


Atlanta vs. Arizona

In terms of the big momentum? Despite Matt Ryan hitting the rookie wall, it does look very good for the Falcons. They're the indie darling that will likely only take down one award. In short? They are the Slumdog Millionaire of this playoff run. And that's okay.

On Michael Turner's back, this team can get pretty far. And starting against Arizona? They can get off on a good start. Sure, Kurt Warner can throw the ball. And when they're clicking, the Cardinals can be as fun to watch as somebody getting karate kicked in the face. But this team can be game managed.

I like Atlanta. The dream season will get one more game.


Indianapolis vs. San Diego

The Chargers are like a blockbuster gone sour. Phillip Rivers is the Josh Lucas of pro quarterbackery. Antonio Gates and LaDainian Tomlinson may pull out of this game to go bikebikebikebikebikebikebike. In a way, they are The Spirit of the Wild Card Weekend.


Antonio Cromartie is Scarlett Johansson's breasts in this analysis. What?

Anyway, like so many 4th of July's have become Big Willie Weekend. Peyton Manning is at his most viking during the Wild Card Weekend. His defense is poor, but the fact of the matter is the Broncos quit during the second quarter. The Chargers are not as good as they would have you believe. The Colts got this.


Baltimore vs. Miami

Miami was formulaic in their shocking rebirth. Run the ball. Play good defense. Don't commit turnovers. There are few superstars here. And by all rights? A simple offense is something that Baltimore should be able to eat alive. After all, they did in week 7, right?

But that being said? Joe Flacco has had some emaciated performances when the games were big. And if Joey Porter can chase him around the field? Perhaps you can see the Dolphins win. But I don't think there's going to be a 9-7, 12-10 sort of ugly here. And that is why Baltimore wins.


Philadelphia vs. Minnesota

By all logic? Philadelphia has this. Brad Childress is the Uwe Boll of coaching. Tavaris Jackson? The dude from Nickelback of Quarterbackery. The fanbase is more fickle than the Chicago Cubs after one playoff loss. There's a crack in the Williams Wall, even if Pat's going to give it a go.

And lest we forget, Donovan McNabb has been mostly good since the benching, Brian Westbrook seems healthy, and the defense actually has handled the run this year. And the Vikings nearly lost, to the Junior Varsity Giants.

However? Purple Jesus has been relatively quiet. He can put the team on his back by himself. You know how DeAngelo Williams destroyed Tampa Bay's run defense? Adrian Peterson can do that and more. Bill Simmons wrote the script. So, I'll just say this. If Brad Childress is Uwe Boll? Then Andy Reid is Paul W.S. Anderson.


I ruined TWO franchises! Yaaaaaaaay!

So, Philly. But Minnesota could roll up with an upset. I CANNOT COMMIT!

Sorry!

BYE!

Listen...

I have to tell you. See Slumdog Millionaire. It's awesome.

The screenwriter wrote The Full Monty.
The director did Trainspotting and 28 Days Later.
Dev Patel is an actor who you can root for.

What else do you need? A Bollywood Dance Ending?