BRIAN KELLY? DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

If I had the heart? I would adapt a Christmas Carol with Mark D'Antoni as Jacob Marley, Gerry Faust as the Ghost of Christmas Past, Charlie Weis as the Fail Ghost of Christmas Present, and Brian Kelly, assistant coach at Western Michigan as the ghost of Christmas future.

But I don't. So suffice it to say he'll win games at a 57% clip. And get fired at the end of the contract.

If you haven't seen an inflatible knock down dragout brawl with an Inflatible Ben Wallace?

You need to watch Part 5 of Who Shot Mamba? I'm sure that some of you might not have seen this in terms of parts one, two, three or four. But you know what? That's okay. This is just something you have to see. At once necessary as well as proper. Outside's all stormy anyway.

(And there's a secret cameo. Shh. Don't tell.)



And here's how you can catch up on the series.

In the throes of a full on blizzard, we say our final goodbyes to one of our favorite tropes...

In 2007, while Curtis Granderson was making a run at 100 extra base hits and hit the funtastic total of 20-20-20-20 for the year we were there every step of the way. It was a good way to follow a player we had the manic indie thrill about and build blog content. And even though we stopped posting daily exploits of the adventures of Grandy? It doesn't mean we had any reason to lose faith in him.

But then? He gets traded to the Yankees. Like Duke, the Viqueens, and the Los Angeles Lakers. I can't get behind a Yankee. I know it's going to make Granderson a better player, and he may actually hit the 100 extra base hit margin. But I can't get behind that.

Sigh.

I sense doom for my feelings about Randy Wolf.

Strictly speaking, as a fan? I've always liked Randy Wolf. He was a pretty good lefty for the Phillies during the dark period in the early aughts and he holds a place in rock and jock history for his Pedro Martinezesque relief outing in the last rock and jock game in history. So yeah. I've been a fan.

That being said? If the rumors are true. I'm going to find myself losing faith in the Wolf. Randy Wolf has lost that mojo that made him good. Now, I'm not saying he didn't have a good year last season. It's just that for luck not to be a factor? His batting average on balls in play should reside between .280 and .300.

Randy Wolf had a .258 average. And a correction is not exactly going to be the sort of thing that leads to one hit a month. I'm not saying that young Randall is not a pitcher worthy of being in a rotation. Not by a longshot. But we're looking at 10 wins, a 4.20 ERA and WHIP around 1.300 sort of an average pitcher.

So what I'm saying is this is the sort of experince we had with Jeff Suppan when we first signed him. Look how well that turned out. I don't want to hate Randy Wolf, but circumstances may lead me down that road.

We got Luis Cruz y'all!

If I was a narcisstic paranoid man? I would think this was a smokescreen. Doug Melvin knows the strength and power of my 110 reader army. He wants to bring Craig Counsell back. He knows we would riot like we were watching John Cena win in the New Alhambra arena.

So? He has to find someone worse. And Luis Cruz? Fits that bill whole hog.

But that would be if I was all narcisism and paranoia? I'm lazy. I fall off the cliff for days and now weeks at a time. And this signing is merely that of a warm body.

Just try to sign someone before you return to Counsell, okay? Don't feed this fevered ego.

Hey BCS?

You have something that seemed like a lock of an easy call. And that's the SEC Champion meets Texas. You had the marqueest of the marquee matchups. But then somebody had to treat this like a lock and watched his Heisman trophy chances get eaten by the Ndakmong.

But yeah, Texas did win. In the most pathetic way imaginable. You have a timeout. Which you don't use. And you have a quarterback roll out for a pass. And you have to have replay put one second left on the clock for them to win. The stuff of national champions? Please.

So, I'm going to give you a legitimate case as to why TCU deserves to go over Texas.

1) The one common game both teams have played? TCU won by a larger scoring margin.

2) If you throw Clemson into the mix? Both teams have defeated three ranked opponents. TCU has won by a combined 62 points. Texas? 31.

3) Both teams average a 21 point margin of victory against their bowl eligible opponents.

4) And TCU crushed all of its opponents. All of them.

5) And choosing TCU would be worthwhile publicity, and in the rare positive move. No one outside Austin thinks Texas won their entry into the BCS. TCU in the BCS shows that this isn't a repressive system that eliminates all non BCS schools straight away.

But you know what? It's not going to happen. There's going to be talk, and probable institution of a plus one. And that's fine.

Except for the fact that it would solve nothing.

(But I'm being cynical. Aren't I?)

Gregg Zaun?

Let's call it like it is. The most logical move in the history of sports. The Brewers had a need for a catcher for the purposes of veteran insurance/leading a time share. They also could have used an upgrade from the poisoned fist of Jason Kendall. They got both.

Not to say that Gregg Zaun is anything above and beyond average? But the team's been going diagonal and not in the fun, so good we'd crush the NL East way. And getting the modern day Joe Oliver for the 2/3 of league average salary? It's a fine move. I'll take it.