Welcome to the Week of the Deadspocalypse.

And I am currently 1 for 6 in my prognostications. Sure nobody believed in Donovan McNabb, but I didn't believe in any of this shit.

Terrell Owens is watching you masturbate.

The Titans fans have a reason to whine.

Sure, Kerry Collins and Alge Crumpler fucked up. Chris Johnson got fucked up. But none of that would have mattered if the refs would have made the delay of game call.

And while we're here? Why can't you challenge a no-call on a delay of game? It seems logical that can check the fuck up.

Ah well. I looked stupid. Happened before it will happen again. I'll move along to something else.

The KenPom 100 III: The Atlantic 14

There's a misnomer if there ever was one. I mean, look. Why call yourselves the Atlantic 10 if you have 14 teams? Because you're stupid. Sorry. But you make the Big 10 look like geniuses!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Okay, I'm cool!

1. Xavier (A tall team that gets to the line and has a low post dual-threat in Jamel McLean and Jason Love joining Derrick Brown.)
2. Dayton (They could be 23-1 when they meet Xavier. Their defense is spectacular and Chris Johnson as a freshman has been awesome coming off the bench.)
3. Rhode Island (The good? Jimmy Baron and Keith Cothran are both excellent scoring two-guards. The bads? Marquis Jones is struggling at the point. Also? Teams can score on them at will.)
4. Temple (They have faced a very strong non-conference schedule. If they don't lose heart? Dionte Christmas and Lavoy Allen can take them far. They are two-guard and post-tastic!)

The Divisional Playoffs As a Hillary Duff Movie?

Well, it could happen. Like the inexplicable turn from cute girl next door to attractive your starlet. We could see A Cinderella Story Developing.

Good god. I owe you an apology for that one.


Baltimore vs. Tennessee

I also owe you an apology for this. If you do read this blog, I have to tell you. I'm changigng my mind. I love Baltimore's defense. I do. I know the Ravens are eating simple offenses alive. And stylistically? It is a Frank Miller movie with a steadying hand.

But with a weeks rest? The Titans can be as ball-punchingly fierce as an English crime movie. Albert Haynesworth wants to star in Get Flacco. I see Chris Johnson breaking one. I see a field goal. I see that overcoming Ed Reed in good field position. 10-7 or some such nonsense.


Arizona vs. Carolina

You want to know how Arizona got these scars? DeAngelo Williams. I know strange can happen on Saturday Night. But we can feel good about this. This is like Sinbad in Necessary Roughness. Carolina will get wild. Carolina will get loose. Carolina will...


Par-tay.


Philadelphia vs. New York

New York. It's like Iron Man versus the Indian parody of Iron Man. McNabb isn't exactly a front man for Iron Mans, but Brandon Jacobs. He's Iron Man, the War Machine, and Force Works rolled into one.

He saw what Darren Sproles did with his opportunity last week. He wants to make millions and millions as a free agent. He's looking for a new team. Glory will come.


San Diego vs. Pittsburgh

Ben Roethlisberger's head is stuck in a Michel Gondry film. And while I believe in the divinity of the Byron Leftwich, the Chargers defense is developing a certain swagger. And like the man who was sick of Ben Stiller's shit? There's a certain Tropic Thunder developing.

And with a bad track in Pittsburgh? Their strengths are further mitigated. So? We can see a 17-14 sort of a game, where Phillip Rivers takes this team and haves them roll on his retarded looking face. He is after all, Hillary Duff in this analogy.

Wait, I'm confused...

Some people think the Dressing as a schoolgirl is hack...

I say nay?



Sure, it is nay. And for that I say you're welcome?

The KenPom 100 II: The All-American-American Conference...

So when a boy is bored, they go back to a project post. And this is mine. What does the Conference of America's Most American Basketball teams do?

1. Memphis (Their swagger comes from their defense. Tyreke Evans needs a better shot selection, even if the hands are fast, a.k.a. tigerstyle. But Shawn Taggart has been low-post awesome.)
2. UAB (Outside of Arizona, they have no quality win. Robert Vaden has felt a need to bomb with no compunction. Lawrence Kinnard is a tall three playing as a five. They could fall off to 17-12, 9-7 levels.)
3. Houston (For a team that takes such excellent care of the ball and generates big defensive plays? They have lost to some awful teams.)
4. Tulsa (Jerome Jordan is awesome. The rest of the team is all about the glue guy.)
5. UTEP (Randy Culpepper's incessant need to bomb is the reason why this team is underperforming and it may cost Stefon Jackson a pro job. Also stop fouling so damn much.)
6. Southern Miss. (Jeremy Wise competency has allowed the team to eye a potential College Basketball Invitational Berth. Good looking out on that.)

Yay! I posted again!