Keith Morrison apologizes for my last effort.

Aaaaaaaaaaaah...

Ooooooooooopening Day.

Opening Day for the Brewers wasn't fun. You know it. I know it. But to properly dissect it? You need to get a real journalist.

Keith Morrison reporting.



Keith Morrison:Opening day. It's full of hope. It's full of dreams. For the Milwaukee Brewers, there was a sense of optimism even despite the high-profile defections. After all, they made the playoffs last season.

But little did they know, that what they thought was a light at the end of the tunnel, was merely a poorly pitched baseball.



Ken Macha: I went with experience on Opening Day. Soup has a tendency to pitch to contact--



KM:Was there trouble at home?



Macha: Nah, Soup's a gamer, he'll work through his struggles.



KM: Oohh.

But that wasn't the only problem. The Brewers had more than 20 at bats with a runner close scoring. Ooooooooooooooh. They just didn't hit in the clutch. J.J. Hardy alone hit into two double plays.



JJ: Okay, so I tried too hard to bring the runners home. I'll admit it. Bobby Howry just got me out.

KM: Out for dinner at Fisherman's Wharf?

JJ: ...Nooo. It's a long season. I had a bad day today. I'll be better tomorrow.

KM: I'm more interested in today. Has a handsome man such as yourself ever dined with a respected newsman?

JJ: Yes.

KM: Well I'm going to First Crush. No pressure, I just want to talk further.




KM: The Brewers lost 10 to 6. Yovani Gallardo will start tomorrow. J.J. Hardy? He never showed...

Ohhhhhhhhhhh!

I know what you're thinking.

I should tell you all about the AL East, yeah? I need to finish out my projections, right? I say no. It's not going to happen. AL East is the hack division. It's a three team race. Two if you're like me and think the Rays will underperform this year.

So that leaves the Yankees and the Red Sox. I hate them both. So I respectfully move on with my life. I don't care who wins the AL East.

You should not either.

The NL West is Easy

It's the Dodgers division. Never mind the fact that Chad Billingsley is hurt. The offense is just too good. I mean really. If the only player that you don't know in the starting line-up as you go off the cuff is the second baseman. (Blake DeWitt?) You have enough to get the NL West.

Why? Because outside of the outside chance that the Diamondbacks have to win if Max Scherzer can do well, there is no one else. It's already a two team league. The Giants have a rotation where four starters are from awesome to intriguing. But they just have no offense.

The Rockies are a team that does seem spry. They have some youth energy in their offense. If two of Chachin, De La Rosa, and Jiminez put it together? They can make a charge at this.

And the only thing that is interesting about the Padres? If and when Jake Peavy gets traded.

The AL Central will be hard to predict.

Every team can contend for the division. Every team could finish last. There's a real chance that we could see another division where last is within ten games of first. Watch me be wrong...

NOW!

1. Cleveland (Should have the bullpen figured out. Should have a healthier offense. Do have the horses to try and make a big bold move should the time come. They're imperfect, but they have the best chance at this division.)
2. Chicago (You know the deal here. The offense will be good. Guillen will be crazy. And one pitching injury will sink the Southsiders.)
3. Minnesota (They just don't have the offensive horses to roll up on you. They have a strong rotation even without Baker. But they will get no support. Thus? Third.)
4. Detroit (The rotation is something people don't like to talk about. It is the beast under your bed. They have Verlander. But they have nothing else. Literally. They called me. I have the phone records to prove it.)
5. Kansas City (I believe in Alex Gordon. I believe in the offense in general. They will outperform projections. But when you have Sidney Ponson and Horacio Ramirez in your rotation? Any dreams of contention fall by the wayside.)

In the NL East?

The world will be shocked. Surprise lives here. I am going to go out on a limb and say something that can look really stupid. But it won't. I hope. Take a gulp and join me.

1. Florida (Yes. How many teams have four starters that seem healthy right now and shown a broad base of skills? A stiff like Mark Hendrickson is going to be nowhere near the rotation. And they will have a closer that won't get hurt. Yay injury luck! Also? Cameron Maybin.)
2. New York Mets (But here's the twist. They won't be leading on September 1st. The race will be close, they just won't have the horses in the rotation. And the farm system can't get them a stud in July. That being said? They actually will make the playoffs.)
3. Philadelphia (Like the Cubs? There's some real injury risks in the rotation. The team is very similar to last year, but bad luck will poke holes in their season. 85-77 lives here.)
4. Atlanta (This is a team, that if it stays perfectly healthy? It can contend. The issue is that they have Chipper Jones, and the end of a bullpen in an open relationship with the disabled list. Thus they won't.)
5. Washington (Meh. I want to see Dimitri Young, Lastings Milledge, and Elijah Dukes go on a series of wacky adventures more than play baseball. They could help Camp Minnehaha beat the rich kids camp because their science too tight. It would be worth more than 72 wins.)

The AL West Projections...

This looks ugly. I remember I said that 87 wins will take the NL Central. But every AL West team has holes. Every team can win.

Well, not every team. Texas may end up last, but they may only be four or five games out.

1. Anaheim (No Teixera. Ervin Santana's elbow is balky. If you're depending on Kelvim Escobar? You're in deep trouble. 84-78 can win the division.)
2. Oakland (There's going to be a moral dilemma here. Orlando Cabrera as a signing is something of a stopgap that will keep them close. But they have a staff that's too young to get them something for Matt Holliday.)
3. Seattle (The rotation will be fine. The defensive will be much improved. But the offense is not close to average yet.)
4. Texas (Kevin Millwood has a walk year. But their #2 is worse than Adam Eaton. They will lose a lot of games 11-8.)