Tampa Bay will win this series.

Really. I'm not going to say that because I hate Philly. Because the Phillies can suck it. Brewers for life if you wheel. But let's be honest. Am I being too hopeful?

Maybe. Because look at it objectively. Jimmy Rollins? Better than Jason Bartlett. Chase Utley? Better than Akinori Iwamura. By far. The 8th and 9th innings? The Phillies can be scary if they have the lead.

Break it down by position?
C: Navarro vs. Costruiz: Advantage Rays.
1B: Pena vs. Howard: Advantage Push.
2B: Iwamura vs. Utley: Big Advantage Phillies.
SS: Bartlett vs. Rollins: Big Advantage Phillies.
3B: Longoria vs. Dobbs/Feliz: Big advantage Rays.
OF: Crawford/Upton/Gross vs. Burell/Victorino/Werth: Advantage Phillies.
Offensive Bench: Floyd/Hinske/Aybar/Zobrist vs. Jenkins/Coste/Dobbs/Stairs: Advantage Rays

Starters:
Hamel beats Kazmir
Shields kicks Myers' ass.
Garza beats Moyer
Sonnanstine holds off Blanton

Middle Relievers:
Balfour destroys Condrey
Howell beats Romero
Miller gets bounced by Durbin

Late innings:
David Price is Ryan Madson's X-Factor. Advantage Push.
Brad Lidge destroys Dan Wheeler.

So what does this all mean?

Your Tampa Bay Rays take it down in six. If the starters hold up.

B.J, Upton is turning into Gary Sheffield right before our eyes...

I tried. I really did.

But I've got other things to worry about. Ryan Braun's got issues.

More later.

Hey B.J.?

Can I ask you a question? Really. Just one. Then I'll leave you be.

What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck are you doing not hustling? You have a team that needs B.J. Upton to be at his most magical, and you can't be bothered to go at a level above a mosey?

That is wrong on so many levels. One, you're gonna get Cork Gaines mad at me. I can't have that on my conscience. He writes for MLB Trade Rumors, or did at one point. That means he's better than me!

Two, you know what this is? This is perpetuating stereotypes. Do you want the ALCU after you? What about Jesse Jackson? He will cut your nuts off! Do you want Carlos Mencia in blackface, sir?

You are one step away from Carlos Mencia doing a sketch about you. It's a lazy black dude. You're right in somebody else's wheelhouse of unfunny. You are on the level of the Asian who would ask if you want Flied Lice. That's just uncool.

Now, I know this is a probable detour. After all, you are still Bossman Junior. And unlike Chris Penn, this means you have all the potential to avoid being running buddies with Michael Madsen. But if you do not straighten up and fly right, mister...



You're looking at an unhappy itenerant future where no one likes you and you blame everything on the Latinos. Do you want that?

Of course you don't.