Break the Brewers DOOOOOOOOOOOOWN.

Okay, I napped a little longer than expected. Sorry about that. But here's something to make up for it.

The Brewers are hot. Red hot. In fact, these are the days that make up for scouring the six-year free agent wires and saying..."Oooh, I think Carlos Mendoza would be a nice fit." I'll have more on that later.

But we will break down the Brewers into 4 categories...

The Good
1) Rickie Weeks (If he stays healthy, he might have a chance at a 30 home run season. He has stopped running though, so for fantasy purposes you may want to consider selling.)
2) Craig Counsell (For a guy who was essentially ballast during his time in Milwaukee, he does deserve propers for his start. .328/.412/.466)
3) Trevor Hoffman (Milwaukee is in love with Trevor Hoffman. I know it's in eight games, but Eric Gagne was so bad last season. So, so bad.)
4) Mark DiFelice (This is why you need a smart GM. Overpaying for middle relievers is ridiculous when you can pluck a dude out of AAA and say hey, 31 year old who hasn't pitched before? You got this.)
5) Mike Cameron (If this be a contract drive? Let the gods allow him to turn a full on Adrian Beltre season.)
6) Billy Hall (For being the lefty masher in the soft platoon, he's doing very well. Better than 2007 or 2008 to be sure.)
7) Ryan Braun (Nobody expects to have an OPS over 1.000. Braun does right now. He's helping!)
8) Mitch Stetter (In terms of ERA+, you have to be happy with what he's done. His tendency to walk hitters is a worrying thing.)

The expected
1) J.J. Hardy (The dude's always been streaky. And it's too early to call it a slump yet. He's been bad for half-seasons at a time. This too shall pass.
2) Dave Bush (His ERA will always be a touch higher than his command indicates, but he's been solid this season.
3) Braden Looper (An innings eater with an ERA in the 4's is what the Brewers paid for, and it is what the Brewers have received.)
4) Todd Coffey (In terms of solid middle relief? He's been actually what you expected. His BAbip is .353, his luck will even out.)
5) Seth McClung (But not in a good way. He's walked more batters than he's struck out. He's allowed 28 baserunners in 17 innings. Maybe he was too much a product of the Mike Maddux whisperer.)
6) Mike Rivera (Passable offense when he plays, but he does not play often enough.)
7) Yovani Gallardo (Lost in Grienkemania was the fact that Yovani has developed into an ace. Stay healthy. Please. You're awesome when you do.)

The bad
1) Manny Parra (I have to worry if Ned hurt him by overworking him in 2008. When he loses the plate it's usually a signal that he has something deeper wrong with him. I'm hopeful that this is just a bad streak. But I can't not consider the injury question. He's a Brewer pitching prospect.)
2) Corey Hart (He's also streaky. But because I want in my heart of hearts the Kentucky Ninja to be a superstar? I am disappointed. He decided to be called Corey Hart. That's the decision of a man with swagger.)
3) Carlos Villanueva (He always struggles in April. And I keep expecting him to break through to superstar levels, because he can go months at a time as a stud. He's just bad long enough to keep his stats down.)
4) The Bench (With what Casey McGheehee and Chris Duffy have done? Mat Gamel's infusion couldn't have come at a better time.)

Just release him already
1) Jeff Suppan (I know, it's still only seven starts, but the Brewers trendline is scary bad. He's walking one more batter per 9 innings, he's on pace to allow one more dinger per 9 innings. His ERA+ is at the point where he was trying to face down the next Maddux claims. Pitchers die off earlier than 34, and if you're a finesse pitcher? The line is just that much thinner.)
2) Jason Kendall (Average in the .220's. 4 out of 5 runners stealing bases on him as steals come back into the playbook. If he didn't take a walk once in a while, he would be completely useless.)
3) Jorge Julio (Electric arms don't always translate. Let someone else take their shot.)
4) Brad Nelson (Outrighted to Triple-A. So. Thanks.)

Like I said, 87 wins can win the NL Central this year. And while there will be some regression to the mean, you have to wonder if the Brewers may not have another year of October Baseball. I love it.

Hope can be a really funny thing sometimes...

I mean, comedic in both its depth and breadth. Like take Yovani Gallardo. The phenom pitcher for the Brewers who has been shunted to the background. Well, somebody had to vault a sliding baserunner.

One torn ACL later? And your Milwaukee Brewers were dead. D-e-a-d dead. There was wailing and gnashing of teeth in regards to the Brewers situation, and Arch-Conservative bloggers were up in the business of firing Ned Yost. But as the old chestnut goes? Baseball is a long season.

I just thought it wouldn't be this long...

"I would like to pitch before the end of the year," Gallardo told me tonight. "That's what I'm shooting for. If I'm not ready, it's not worth taking the risk. But everything's going good."

An ACL Tear in May and back by September? He's trying to Rod Woodson his shit! Awesome!

The Milwaukee Brewers, 81 games in, Grade it out.

Here's the thing. I've said it before on several occasions that I've left this team for dead. I'm not proud of it, but the team had hyper expectations, and after Gallardo went down for the year? I expected them to need a shake up to wake up.

Who would have thought it would have been Eric Gagne falling onto the DL? Anyway. Grades at this point...

Catchers
Jason Kendall: B (His offense that was expectedly shit. But his defense? Remarkable good.)
Mike Rivera: B (He's made a lot of his limited time. Stupid Ned Yost is going to get Kendall's option vested.)

Infielders
Prince Fielder: B- (Off the pace of last season, but he's not playing awful. Or awfully. His vegetarianism was just an excuse to eat more candy.)
Rickie Weeks: D (He's got this weird bit of a skill set. Great eye. Decent power. Marginal defense. And he's hitting .214. I believe he's gonna get hot, but...)
J.J. Hardy: C- (J.J. Hardy is wildly inconsistent. He will get hot. But as he is? He's weaksauced.)
Russell Branyan: A+ (He's been above and beyond the expectation. He's gonna fall off. But he's sparked a revolution in offense while he's up here.)
Billy Hall: D (Outside of his power, he's been negative fun in Milwaukee. I respect him, but his game has imploded.)
Craig Counsell: D- (He's got a decent eye and can play an okay second base. That's it. His game is done.)

Outfielders
Ryan Braun: A- (He's turning into a Jewish Vladimir Guerrero. He has no approach at the plate, but he's rolling out on a good arm and a passable defense.)
Mike Cameron: C (Good defense, power, and speed. No average. The Brewers got an average Mike Cameron year.)
Corey Hart: B+ (He's the Kentucky Ninja of above average offense who is always awesome at this point in the year. Woot.)
Gabe Kapler: B+ (He's a Lefty smashing golem for great justice.)
Joe Dillon: D (His versatility is worth a free nip-up of the letter grade. But this is not like last year.)

Starters
Ben Sheets: A (Altogether now? Contract year.)
Jeff Suppan: C (League average innings eater? Yes.)
Manny Parra: B (His run has been awesome. But there are still concerns as to his true divinity. His starts have been inconsistent.)
Seth McClung: C (4 decent starts, 1 okay start, 2 bad starts. He's around the world.)
Dave Bush: D+ (He's only had three quality starts for the season. Mediocre to bad the rest of the way.)

Relievers
Salomon Torres: A (His best year statistically is at the age of 36. He is why in Doug we trust. Even if they should just release Gagne.)
David Riske: D- (He's never been the most consistent, but this is a bad year. I still think Riske may be hurt.)
Guillermo Mota: C+ (When he's on, he's been decent. When he's not? He's been a gas can of weepy salty tears.)
Brian Shouse: A+ (As a lefty one-out guy goes, he's been pretty solid versus right handers. He needs his own Tyler Perry produced movie. LOL SHOUSE OF PAYNE!)
Carlos Villanueva: C- (Weak as a starter, and has allowed runs in 5 straight appearances. Down year for Villy.)
Mark DiFelice: B+ (You cannot hate on 16 K's to 0 walks. But DiFelice has a dinger issue that he's gonna have to deal with.)
Tim Dillard: D (Random middle reliever, will be more memorable to fans of Florida State's last national championship run.)
Mitch Stetter: B+ (He's come out of nowhere to be a very great, if not occasionally wild lefthanded pitcher.)

Injured
Eric Gagne: F+ (At least he had the sense to get hurt and has the sense to stretch out his time on the DL.)

Everybody else, your Tony Gwynn, Hernan Ibarren, Zack Jackson, Julian Tavarez, Derrick Turnbow, Gabe Gross, Yovani Gallardo's? You get an Incomplete. Okay, Gabe gets a D. He brought in a prospect who seems to be flaming out spectacularly in the Florida State League. And Julian and Derrick get F's. Short time F's, but they were Epic Fails. And Gallardo? Tragically gets an A. His three starts were something awesome.

Grades are arbitrary, and based on personal expectations. So nyah.

Hope is a funny thing.

Rooting for the Milwaukee Brewers used to be so easy. If they won? Spectacular. If they lost? Eh, you knew they sucked.

After all, there have only been two years that they really contended since my post-natal ass got into the World Series in 1982. The Brewers were the drunk cousin who constantly asked you for money. They were unfuckable losers.

But last year changed everything. Last year gave those in the cheeseheads hope. And with hope came the expectation. We were your NL Central Champions on May 1st.

You know how the story turned out. The Cubs played one step beyond expectations to vaporize an 8 game lead and win the division. Ned Yost mismanaged the bullpen. Jimmy Rollins stole the Fresh Prince's MVP Award.

And nothing much beyond that made sense either. The Brewers filled the bullpen with a lot of decency, but Ned Yost doesn't need more choices. Mike Cameron was not the lefthanded power bat the Brewers were hoping for. And then...



And the less said about that, the better.

But as hot last season's start was? This year the Brewers were Cold as Ice. Yost was looking rather inept, even admitting at one point that he feared a triple play. Gagne was as bad as expected. And Yovani? Gallardo Mode was Yovani No Go. Two starts and a torn ACL later?

The Brewers were dead. One of those sorts of deaths that makes friend of blog OMDQ look at it and say, "Come on fucking guy, I'm a Sox fan and I know it's too early!" And you know what? He was right.

Eric Gagne disappears, and the hero of the Badger State Cognoscenti Russell Branyan appears? And suddenly, the Brewers get hot.


RUSSELL BRANYAN THOUGHT HE TOLD YOU HE WON'T STOP!

But alas, the fun is over. The hope is dead again. There's a shambling corpse readying himself to take the stage, and this is what will keep the Cubs as your NL Central Champions, even without Zam-Bran.


GOOOOOOGLES...I MEAN BRRRRAINS!!!

Yep. Gagne's back by the weekend. Good game hope. I'll get you yet.