The No-Hitter...

It's my favorite thing ever in sports. Better than fantasy sports. Better than the NFL Draft. Better than anything.

 

Why? It's the thing that reminds me of my dad the most.

 

The Wisconsin sports market was rather bereft for a child of the 80's. I mean sure, the Bucks were entertaining for the most part, but they never were a threat for glory. So my earliest sports memory? It was a Juan Nieves no-hitter. Robin Yount made the diving catch to clinch it.

 

My dad would always yell at the TV. I would repeat it, but I would get yelled at for it.

 

But this started a streak. We ended up watching or listening to several no-hitters in my childhood. Dad woke me up for Nolan Ryan and the double no-no. We would spend an afternoon listening to Wilson Alvarez get his piece of baseball immortality. And then there was the inexplicable Jose Jimenez no-hitter.

 

But tonight's made me wistful. Jon Sanchez is the second Puerto Rican to toss a no-no. The first? Juan Nieves. 

 

Tonight would have been fun to watch with my dad. 

 

Sigh. 

The worst part of fantasy football is the Tight End. [Tier System Part Two]

The tight end is like the closer in baseball if there were only three teams that didn't use the Bullpen by comittee. If you love having a position give you minimal points per game, you love the tight end. I mean, drafting a second tight end is very likely not going to be worth your time.

And even this year? You can see there reasons to fail these guys beyond the big three. Heck, there's reasons to worry about the big three.

But I'll give you a new tier system. Remember...

Don't follow this list in order.
If I have their name italicized, I expect them to be busts.
If I have them in the courier bold font? They are sleepers.

Tier One
Jason Witten(Targets? Yes. Red Zone looks? Not as much. Martellus Bennett has some vulture capabilities.)
Tony Gonzalez (He'll fall off from 96-1108-10, but considering the lack of much receiver depth and Matt Ryan's lack of an underneath game? He'll be fine.)
Antonio Gates (If his legs are healthy? He goes back to 100+ targets and a solid weapon, but Vincent Jackson is becoming solid. Malcom Floyd is emerging as well. Is Gates getting phased out? He honestly might be.)

Tier Two
Greg Olson (There are some who think G-reg of the 7th floor crew is going to be spectacular. And he's got good physical skills. But I just don't see how he's going to get enough targets to break out. Hester seems to have finally shown something in OTA's, Bennett has a connection with Cutler, and Desmond Clark may not get 70 targets, but he's not going to see all his looks disappear.)
Chris Cooley (He's unsexy. Seeming new hotness in Greg Olson and Owen Daniels may move him down toward the 7 or 8 in the rankings. He's still the Redskins posession receiver.)
Zach Miller (I liked him as a breakout candidate last year, and he delivered the yards and catches. The touchdowns come this year.)
Owen Daniels (He'll have a chance to show himself worthy of an extension. But here's the thing. The Texans drafted Anthony Hill and James Casey. Casey especially is the sort of Dustin Keller type who can vulture Daniels.)
Dallas Clark (It's four great games, 6 weeks of listings as questionable, and 8 to 10 games of dreck.)
Kellen Winslow (It's another if-then scenario. If the quarterback situation sorts itself out somewhat and if Winslow stays healthy? Then he has a great year. It's a needle that may not be worth the thread.)

Tier Three
Dustin Keller (If there is a vertical passing game, Keller gets the benefits. Stuckey is decent, but injury prone. He has the means and motive. This year he gets opportuinty.)
John Carlson (Greg Knapp is someone who would marry the short passing game if people like Tony Dungy weren't so adamant. Anyway, this means that while they signed Housh, John Carlson's grittiness is going to be successful.)
Kevin Boss (I like Kevin Boss because the situation in Giants camp is a mess. Outside of Hixon there is an opportunity for targets. I'm not saying he's going to be a member of the big three, but he has means and the goal-line targets to be very interesting. While they drafted Beckum, the window is his.)
Bo Scaife (They want Jared Cook to be Dustin Keller. Maybe not so much of a worry this year, but Cook is a weapon and Scaife is not starting material.)
Jeremy Shockey (Stick a fork in him. He's done.)

Tier Four
Tony Sheffler (I was burned by Tony Scheffler last season. He's shown flashes of awesome. But McDaniels doesn't love the pass catcher tight end. And Scheffler doesn't block. I don't trust.)
Heath Miller (Heath needs to be healthy for all 16 games to be worth something. Matt Spaeth is somewhat of a vulture. But if you don't trust Hines Ward? Miller has a chance.)
Visanthe Shiancoe (He just won't get the looks to be anything more than a bye week replacement.)
Donald Lee (The Packers want to transition him out. A good camp from Jermichael Finley and he's toast.)
Marcedes Lewis (Perennial tease.)
Anthony Fasano (Even if David Martin gets more targets this year? He still will get the targets on the goal line. Take him on a bye week and hope he gets six.)

Tier Five
Brent Celek (A fools gold sleeper.)
Vernon Davis (He is West Coast Marcedes Lewis.)
Randy McMichael (If you take an end of the draft flier and McMichael stays healthy? You have a good value. Long odds he stays healthy.)
Brandon Pettigrew (Wait until next season for anything spectacular. But he will get 5 or 6 scores this season.)
Ben Watson (Meh. The New England Tight End scenario is the ugly version of the New England Running Back situation.)
Shawn Nelson (This is a pick designed for Dustin Keller seam splitting over the middle. Great athleticism, great hands, never mind the run blocking. He'll get decent targets. He's not going to be a member of the Top tier, but if Buffalo breaks right? Nelson could be a fringe starter.)

Halladay...Celebrate.

That's what some lazy punster of a headline writer will say if and when Roy Halladay gets traded. Because his will be the game changer deal of the free agency. So, because we can't trust J.P. Riccardi to make a good decision? I will tell you what teams would be the best fits.

5. Milwaukee

The Brewers have interesting pieces, but with such a dearth of pitching prospects and the double and triple swearing that Alcides Escobar and Mat Gamel are untouchable and the fact that you would just add to an outfield logjam with Corey Hart, I just don't see them developing a package to wrest Halladay.

4. Los Angeles Angels
Best Likely Package: Peter Bourjos, Brandon Wood, and Jose Arrendondo

Why they would be a good fit? Because these are propsects who have a tremendous pedigree. Wood and Arrendondo would be instant big league impact, and Bourjos would be ready for when Wells and or Rios would be gone.
Why would they not? Because for an organization that had such a wide and varied array of super prospects in the middle of the decade? The impact has proven to be minimal.

3. Boston
Best Likely Package: Clay Buchholz, Manny Delacarmen, and Lars Anderson

Why they would they be a good fit? Because the only piece that the Sox truly might miss here is Lars Anderson. If they trusted Buchholz, he'd be a big leaguer right now. And many in Boston like Delacarmen but many also feel his best chance is somewhere else. So despite the division issue, they can make a deal.
Why they would not? The division thing. If the Jays contend in 2010? Halladay will stop them. And rumors out of St. Louis are that no prospect is off the table. And there are some in the Sox have no interest.

2. Philadelphia
Best Likely Package: Carlos Carrasco, Jason Donald, and Michael Taylor

Why would they be a good fit? Jason Donald may have been off to a bad start in Triple-A, but injury explains that. And Carlos Carrasco is rallying in triple-A. That means two instant starters. Michael Taylor causes a bit of a logjam, but they have time to swing a deal if there's a problem.
Why they would not? The Phillies don't have a third prospect with the right mixture of skill and expendability. They could get another catching prospect or a Low-A dude with tools. But they would have to part with a Drabek or a Taylor to get Halladay.

1. St. Louis
Best Likely Package: Brett Wallace, Daryl Jones, Jason Motte, and Jess Todd

Why they would be a good fit? Because Brett Wallace is a professional hitter, and Daryl Jones reminds me a lot of Michael Brantley. Jason Motte is a power arm who should close by 2010. And if he can't? Jess Todd can. I know the story may be apocryphal, but the Cardinals really want Halladay.
Why they would not? Two possibilities. The DeRosa trade may mean a piece that the Jays would want would be going to Cleveland. Two, someone else blows them away with an offer. The Phillies can knock their block off prospect-wise and the Rangers could swing for the fences, damn the owners financial scenario.

So, will we see Halladay get dealt? Yes. Will it make me feel bad? Very likely. But hey, that's how it goes in the Wild Wild West.

LeBron has officially hit step four...

On the Tebow scale to athlete hatred.

And oddly enough? It's a relatively small event that does it. For you see? It was at a skills camp where America will turn heel on LeBron. Since I'm a lazy bum, I'll give Gary Parrish the words.

You want to see video of Xavier's Jordan Crawford dunking on LeBron James?

If so, too bad.

Because you're not going to see it.

Thanks to Nike.

Turns out, there were at least two cameras rolling Monday night when Crawford dunked on James during a pick-up game here at the LeBron James Skills Academy. It was a two-handed jam, the kind that would've circulated quickly on YouTube. But Nike officials eliminated that possibility shortly after the dunk happened by allegedly confiscating tapes from various cameramen.

And here's the reason why this is justifiable for a heel turn.



That's Devin Harris getting beat by a London Streetballer. It got to youtube. It lasted a day as news. We moved on. Devin moved on.

But to do what LeBron did is professional wrestling behavior. There are some in the WWE whom cannot allow themselves to look bad. It's something that Triple H would do. It's something that Hulk Hogan would do. Why is LeBron just as bad?

Because they can't let some random jabroni beat them. Not your random Ted Dibiase and especially some two guard who couldn't even beat out Eric Gordon in 2007. So now Jordan Crawford has the rough equivalent to Chris Jericho's first WWF title reign.

And yes, LeBron James is Triple H in my analogy. Which means he'll need to marry a fake breasted daughter of David Stern to get his first championship.

I'm not too proud to steal a joke or two.

Especially when it comes to a story like this. For you see, it's a story that would bring Carl Monday all the way from Cleveland. It has that sort of touch.

But the best part of the story? The Judges name is Hornblower.

H & J/T goes here

Now we all know that an original name for Pearl Jam...

Was solid if unspectacular point guard Mookie Blaylock. And we all know that Gnarls Barkley is a play on the great rancontuer/power forward Charles Barkley. But did you know that 1990's female alternafunk pop quartet Luscious Jackson was named after mid-60's back-up center Lucious Jackson?

It's true! So that's why I'm here. I like music. I like basketball. And I see a trend, so bands. Read up. Give me a random basketballer and I can tell you where you want to go.

This is useless talent #43.



Hey parents! Are you looking to score a quick book off of your daughter's good looks and marginally talented voice? Then you need to look toward a failed first round draft choice. Acie Earl may have been a failure in Boston, but your little Acie Earl? She's got a future.


And the new improved Acie Earl would have the mall pop influence that would allow her to shoot to the top for a week.



If you're going to name a band after Danny Granger, you're going to go after a band of loyal followers. This will at once make you successful and indie. For the life of a jam band gets repetitive quickly. And anyone else who might be interested cannot bring themselves to listen causually for if you are a fan of Danny Granger? You are a douchington.



If you name your band Paul Pierce, you're a conflicted soul. You want to rock out with your cock out. But you can't. Your skills are smoother than that. You will be influenced by the greats of the lite rock. Your Seals and Crofts and your Michael McDonald. But, a protip for you? You will get all the ladies when you do a cover of Sarah Smile.



If you want to be a punk outfit who eschews the poppier aspects of your Sum 41's and the emo aspects of a My Chemical Romance? Michael Ruffin is the only name for your power trio. But what seperates Michael Ruffin from your standard three chord speed burners is more of a Bad Brainsish Jah influence to their sound.



Question? Why is it that most start their attempts at rocking? Answer? To get the sex. So why not make it obvious? Your music is designed to get the ladies, yes? Make your avatar the most mighty at generating a new generation of giant man-children. Shawn Kemp is for the new would be Motley Crue's



I know what you're thinking, DJ Mbenga is made for Techno. You would be wrong. DJ Mbenga needs an MC to make himself more than someone who gets Burning Man garbage time. DJ Mbenga needs to drop beats for someone to rap about how Parents just don't understand and horror movies are scary. He also needs a gif of him being thrown out of an opulent Bel-Air Mansion.



The Best Death Metal Comes Out of Iceland. Now I'm not sure just how big basketball is in Iceland, but hear me out. I want you to find your lowest register. The most gluttural you can speak. Got there? Good. Now yell out, "We Are, VON WAFER!"

That's pure Metal.



Now there are subtle differences here between NBA Acie's. I made an aforementioning of Acie Earl as a Mall Pop songstress. But Acie Law? Acie Law is influenced by the early X. It's more of a punk outfit, but it's Punk influenced by Rockabilly and the Blues. It's a manic indie sensation that does not hold up under the scrutiny of the big record deal. Name your band after Acie Law? You must not sell out.



Now DeShawn Stevenson is someone who rolls with Soulja Boy and has the reputation of a foolish youngblood. If you must name your group after DeShawn Stevenson, you must miss this point entirely. DeShawn Stevenson must have a sensitive, souful streak of a young John Maier and the smoothness of Usher. Luther Campbellish behavior doesn't work here.

If I write a closing paragraph on this, I will ruin the awesome that has spewed before you. So I will just bid you adieu. If you wish to leave a comment? I will try to bring music to each player.

But I got to go.

I apologize.

I have been rating my would be fantasy teams. I will come back tomorrow with a sports as well as other stuff post. So? Until then.