Saturday, January 31, 2009


This Badgers streak is too ridiculous for me to continue blogging.

Another last-second choke job? Yaaay!

Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm bored...

So, how about I make a list post of the Best Super Bowl Counterprogramming? Okay.

10) Celebrity Rehab Presents: Sober House

9) World Series of Poker: ESPN
All the social awkwardness of the Las Vegas Main Event, now with Magnificent Vistas of Europe!

8) Ghost Hunters: Sci Fi
People get freaked out by abandoned buildings!

7) Beach Marathon: The Travel Channel
I live in Wisconsin! This and Heat in HD is...fuck! I love it!

6) The Closer Marathon: TNT
Obligatory reference of how Kyra Sedgewick looks like John Rocker? Sure.

5) Predator Raw: The Unseen Tapes
Have a seat for Chris Hansen commentary and Creepy Dudes! Drink for every wispy mustache you see! Find out just what that BET Comedian is talking about when he leaves the "Black People v. White People Material"

(And if you happen to be one who would engage with the underage, the Bratz Movie is on Showtime.)

4) House
Finally! A procedural with No Private Investigation by Non Cops! On USA!

3) God vs. Satan: History Channel
Or Kurt Warner versus Ryan Clark. Somebody with that sort of aggression toward other men has to have something deep seated.

2) Death Wish Marathon: AMC
Charles Bronson shoots people in the face for vengance!

1) The Puppy Bowl! Animal Planet!
Back when Elvi wasn't too cool for school and we were at the old site, we were the leaders of Sports Blog Puppy Bowl coverage. Will there be a Puppy Bowl Liveblog? I don't know. We do thse things spur of the moment. And Elvi? He is mercurial.

But rumor is there's going to be some dastardly fan interference?

We may meet you there. We may not.

Here's the thing...

The draft compensation issue is something that absolutely needs to be fixed in Major League Baseball. I mean, if you would do a cursory list of a Best Free Agent Available list? You would notice one thing.

They are all Type A Free Agents.

Now that's not to say their unemployment careening up against the time where pitchers and catchers start to report is something that is completely belonging to the greedhead owners. Manny could be had. Boras is just playing the game with him so poorly.

I mean, this isn't wrestling, we don't forget what happened 6 months ago. But that being said? At the rate things were going? Juan Cruz should have been in line to be the highest paid middle reliever in the history of baseball. Now sure, the economy might have something to do with it. But when Paul Bako gets a contract before Orlando Hudson? There's all sorts of strange in the neighborhood.

Are we coming to a world where two draft choices is worth more value than an above average ballplayer? Perhaps.

But suffice it to say, we may see more than one Free Agent of the Type A variety with an unhappy choice. Go back from whence you came or wait out the draft.

Just saying. Adam Dunn may learn an even worse approach at the plate.

The Super Bowl is: The One.

Really. Arizona is nothing more than a clone of Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh is coming for them so they can take control of the league with their kung-fu and surprising lack of acting ability. Arizona is the final step.

Larry Fitzgerald is Delroy Lindo. Don't ask me why. This just is what it is.

Delroy Lindo Pictures, Images and Photos

In recent years, obvious Super Bowls have led to an upset. I didn't botch the Championship Week. So you know what? Bet on Tim Hightower to get the first touchdown.

I Taped the St. Mary's Gonzaga game...

Why? Because I found a radio feed of Utah Valley State and Chicago State. 123-121. 4 overtimes. Ryan Toolson scored 63. David Holston had 41. John Cantrell added 40. I would take these three, and go seven seconds or less on every team I saw, and everyone would love it.

But that's a digression. I saw things in the Gonzaga game that you would not believe...and in list form, I will share with you this news.

1) Patrick Mills has a chance to be special.

While he is till more of a combo guard than pure point, he is a man who can do special things. He is learning to use his distributional skills, but if you have to run your offense through one guy? You could do worse. Just hope that that wrist isn't broken.

2) Gonzaga is the team to hate for Hardcore basketball fans.

This is a team that plays dirty. Austin Daye's move for when he cannot power himself into position? A hook of the arm. And do not get me started on Jeremy Pargo. Watch the replay of that game. Before Mills went down, who had his hand with a fistful of shorts? Pargo. Who pulled his shorts? Pargo.

They're Mid-Major Duke.

3) Of course maybe they need to cheat.

Gonzaga Protip? Any team that can assert itself on the offensive glass has a punchers chance against Gonzaga. That's why St. Mary's team of Simpson and Samhan were able to keep them in it before the bottom completely fell out. If Jacksonville draws them in Round 1? Take the points, Gamblers.

4) Matt Bouldin: Grown Ass Two-Guard
I can't hate everything about the Zags. Bouldin's skill set is pretty intriguing. He is a sharpshooter from beyond the arc who has a way finding an offenses passing lanes. He's at the wrong school, but until he draws a bullshit charge or Ginobili's when he gets called for a foul? I have no beef with him.

(Feburary 24th? Chicago State travels to the Utah Valley State. There will be points.)

Update: Mills is out for a month. I'm a man who would wish a bad things on people. But if any of you would throw Jeremy Pargo to the ground? I'll give you a dollar.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I am in a Rambling Mood...

I have nothing worthy of something beyond a paragraph.

But watch this space, I have an interview upcoming, and it will be the greatest thing ever, or I will have failed. There Ain't No Doubt About It Baby.

With the Diamondbacks signing Jon Garland? I have to wonder if Ben Sheets hasn't sufficently dropped in value that he'll come back in the short term. Not to sound completely Polyannish, but I honestly think 87-75 could take the NL Central this year. Nobody's made near enough of an impact this offseason to take it away.

Though if my irrational love of Aaron Heilman maintains? The Cubs will still be solid.

Jeff Lebo still hasn't been fired yet?

And if I will continue to go through the SEC, The Bucks should call up Derrick Byars from the D-League.

There needs to be a word for when you're all excited to see a movie, but then you see a blurb from a critic who is nothing more than a whore for the studios. There probably is, but you can't search Urban Dictionary by definition.

There is no bigger namedropper in the Nerdy Pop-Culture than Ed Brubaker.

HOLY SHIT JESSICA SIMPSON GOT FAT?!? That makes me feel better about barely working!

Jason Boltus just may be the next great practice squad quarterback. Brett Ratliff style.

If Tyrell Sutton is too expensive to be your Maurice Jones-Drew San Diego? Look for Yonus Davis.

Am I just making up names? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaybe.


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

This senior class has no killer instinct...

For most of my adult life, I've seen a Badger team that would roll up on you with a polite if not passive aggressive swagger. They come up on a close game and they would win more often than not. They were a confident, well coached team.

Until this year.

Not to say that Bo Ryan hasn't done an excellent job with this 12-8 team. This team has had a chance to win the majority of their losses. But last night was a microchasm of their issue. The last 2:30 of the game, in a nutshell.

Three for Purdue
Three for Purdue
Rebounds the front end of the one and one.
Purdue ices the game with two free throws.
Three pointer.

So what does that tell you? One? The Badgers did not man up an excellent three point shooting team down the stretch. Two? That on a team that prides itself on its senior leadership? Freshman Jordan Taylor took the four final shots with the game in question. Now, maybe this means big things next year? But Joey Floorburn and the guy I prayed would turn into Shawn Marion have to take some form of offensive responsibility. Three? To save this team, Bo may have to go out of his comfort zone.

Experience and small rotations are his bailiwick. But with the struggles of his veterans with experience? You may see Taylor and Nankivil's roles expand. You may see more Rob Wilson (The Pomeroy would love that). Heck, you may see undersized drunkard Kevin Gullikson if it gets really desperate.

But this team will not fix itself by staying on its present path. That much is true.

Do you wish for more Chikara Goodness? I shall give it to you.

The Great Debate between Luchadors.

Luchador Dance Party!

OH NOS! Chuck Taylor has a Grenade!

OH NOS! He brought another Grenade!

Chuck Taylor is the Manly Man!

Hydra: In his Before Phase.

Yiff in Parody!

Chris is Awesome!

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Most Dated Book About Sports?


Now, I'm not one to lay claim to the deity of the scrapper. I am one who looks at OPS when I look at hitters as well as the control and dominance stats when I look at a pitcher. But that doesn't mean that scouting doesn't have its place.

Especially after you read a chapter where three pages of debate and mocking tones of the scouting world in reference to Jeremy Brown, who never developed any sort of quality defensive skill, and who never really achieved offensive success until he stopped caring about the walk and opened his swing up. It just goes to show you that when you are talking about an expiriment, you need to keep your tones neutral. Jeremy Bonderman turned out to be 10 times the player of that ol' Badger.

One in ten drafted players actually end up spending time in the major leagues. So, in that respect? The A's had some success, signing 8 players who spent time in the bigs. (Funny note: One of their unsigned draft choices was a flamethrowing high schooler named Jonathan Papelbon.)

But in terms of real success? Not so much. Nick Swisher's bat never fully developed an ability to hit .260, Mark Teahen needs to be able to play second to have his offense become a true positive. Joe Blanton has been mediocre at best. And four others have been of the September brief visit to the show variety. And they let the other one go in the Rule 5 draft (do become a solid middle reliever in the Great American Ballpark) Hollar at your boys Jared Burton.

Now listen. I don't blame Billy Beane for any of this. He had a puff piece written in book form, and the Baseball Gods had him go into the wilderness. It happens. But the fact of the matter is, Michael Lewis damaged his repuation by writing a book like this.

The Under the Radar Games of the Week

Why? Because ESPN has a stranglehold on the good styled games.

This week has a couple of very interesting match-ups for teams that fall into the mid-major and below. There will be a slow day or two as well. But that kind of goes without saying.

Today (1/26) Morgan State vs. Hampton

Hampton is an excellent defensive team. But they are really bad on offense. They chuck up a lot of threes for a team that's 28 percent from beyond the arc. But that's not their strength. Their strength is using steals to generate second chance opportunities. And they have to try and take down the Todd Bozeman-led Morgan State Grievis killers. They can stop the three with style and aplomb.

(Slow news day, Morgan State will be the first to 60. They will win.)

Tuesday (1/27) Virginia Commonwealth vs. Northeastern

It's the battle of Eric Maynor versus Matt Janning. The CAA tradition versus the CAA sleeper. Fast hands versus faster hands. The keys to this game will be Chaisson Allen and Matt Janning's ability to generate turnovers. Northeastern will need a good showing in the turnover column to take down an excellent shooting team like VCU.

(But I don't think they can.)

Wednesday (1/28) Texas State vs. Texas San Antonio

This one may be more for me? But here you have two teams that can push the ball up the court like nobody's business. Why this game may be something more for me is the fact that both teams have their struggle bugs on defense. Pomeroy lists UTSA as one of the worst teams at forcing bad shots. But why UTSA will win is the fact that at least they can generate some stops.

Also? NJIT has another win in them versus Maryland Eastern Shore. I can feel it.

Thursday (1/29) Chicago St. vs. Utah Valley State

This is aiming to be quite the one-on-one scoring duel. For Chicago State you have mighty mite scoring point guard David Holston. He has averaged a staggering 11 three attempts per game. For UVS you have Ryan Toolson, a little less of a pure gunner than Holston, but do not deny the man his scoring chops. So clearly, John Cantrell is going to decide the fate of this game.

Friday (1/30) Jacksonville vs. East Tennessee St.

First place is up for grabs in Florida. Behind Ben Smith's shoint guardery and Marcus Allen's defense, the veteran Bulls have a one game lead on Belmont and a big tiebreaker game on a dead zone for College Hoops. Why? Pigram and Tiggs. If you believe in the magic of steady veteran guardplay. This is a team to watch.

Saturday (1/31) Cleveland St. vs. Wright St.

This could be a game of two ships passing in the night. Few teams have been as hot as Wright State in the past two months, going 12-2 (with losses at Wake Forest and Butler). On the other hand? Cleveland State just went through a road trip from hell, getting beat by UWGB, UWM, and inexplicably Youngstown State. But they have homecourt. And they can split the series.

Sunday (2/1) Dayton vs. St. Joesph's

It was at about this point last season Dayton fell off the cliff. There were injuries to blame, that's for sure. But this team still has swagger that belies a neutralish loss to UMass. But St. Joe's is unbeaten in conference. They have lost some inexplicable games, and they run Ahmad Nivins into the ground, but this is a must win for your Flyers to get an at-large Berth.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I am slightly bereft with a 30% chance of ennui.

Now the Bucks have a 2-guard problem.

Sure, Michael Redd had some severe flaws in terms of motion as well as defense. And he has developed into a bit of an injury prone struggle bug in recent seasons. But Redd is a shooter nonpareil. And 20 PPG just doesn't grow on trees.

(Well, it can, but it's rare.)

Here's the thing. As a spare part plucked from Europe? Charlie Bell was a sparkplug. It was awesome to watch and he developed into a cultish hero. But then he got the mid-level exception, and had an off year.

C'est la vie, I guess. Because Bell just may develop into a Skiles favorite. Undersized, gritty, a good defender. He can score if asked too.

But this is now officially a team that has to pick up the pace. It's too small to live and die by the halfcourt sets.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

This year has a strange quality in its quarterbacks for the draft.

I am a nerd. I spent last night getting drunk and googling busts/no-names from the 2000 Draft. I dreamed up a Saw like scenario where Ron Dugans and Kwame Cavil were going to have to fight to the death to impress R. Jay Soward.

And there are days where I look at the previous paragraph and know I've lost every reader I have. All 42 of you.

That being said? This year has an interesting quality of a draft much like 1999. Where all but one of the quarterbacks drafted high were a fail. Look it up.

The potential for great success is there. That's for sure. But you start with two juniors. One has inconsistent footwork. One has minimal experience. And if Josh Freeman destroys the combine like you and I both know he can? That moves a great potential prospect into the Tavaris Jackson.

Add in an injury prone Rhett Bomar and a dude who is just generally unorthodox on the football field in Nate Davis? I get the sense that there may be a very X-Playvian grade of a 1 out of 5 for the Day 1 QB's.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A brief thought on the potential Prince Fielder contract.

Sure, this year it means they lose out on some cost benefit. But that being said? They could save anywhere between 5 to 8 million dollars on the contract next year. And it could bring them something in an Aubrey Huff or maybe a Kevin Gregg. It is what it is.

But I still say you need to trade the Fresh Prince right about now.

See. Brief.


It was bound to happen. The Badgers were going to have a down year. This looks like it will be it. And you know what? That's okay.

Their regular seasons have been spectacular followed by postseason donkey ball. This is a twist. I said that this team has trouble with assertive scoring. Which in a way is true. But for a team whose lost two games in overtime and could lose a stunning four home games? There's really only one problem here.

They foul too much for a team that doesn't generate a lot of steals. That means they cannot keep themselves from putting a team away down the stretch. This has hurt them on several occasions this season. Teams stay close and then win it late. Marquette, Minnesota, Iowa, and Texas have all followed this script.

That's the crux of why this team is going be on the bubble watch. They don't have someone who can generate turnovers without hacking. I know it doesn't matter if they get to 10 wins, but they've fallen off the pace, something serious.

Five things the Oscars did wrong.

Okay, here's the thing. I like movies. I do. Movies are awesome. (I have watched five movies since Friday and may get to 8 by the end of the week.)

But as awesome as I find the Movies. I find award season hack. And seeing as the Oscar nominations came out? I get to bitch. I like bitching. It can be my reason to live.

1) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button gets 13 Nominations?

The movie put me to sleep. Not just figuratively either. It was a bad movie that indulged Fincher at his very worst. Sure, give it all the Makeup awards you want. Costumes too. But this gets best picture and best direction? Bad academy voters.

2) Ignoring the greatest movie in the genre's history.

Sure, Heath Ledger got himself best supporting actor nominations, that went without saying. But to say The Dark Knight was lesser than a movie where the strength was Kate Winslet letting the twins go free on multiple occasions? Christopher Nolan needed a nomination. And so too the Dark Knight. Eckhart was great, but Ledger was going to win it. They get David Hare to write the dull movies.

3) Josh Brolin's gonna have to get nothing and like it.

Two of the strongest performances of the year and he'll get nothing for either of them. He made a bad movie entirely watchable with his performance. He deserved a dual nod. I know that it would have bounced the awesome charatcer actor Richard Jenkins or the Best Actor in the category of Dreamy Brad Pitt, but Brolin killed it this year. Who would have thought he was going to be the strongest of the Actors who came from the 1980's classic the Goonies?

4) In Bruges is not going to win Best Original Screenplay.

Because that's exactly what it was. The Oscars will probably short shift Milk as the best Indie they didn't want to give a big award too. It happened with Pulp Fiction. It happened with Lost in Translation. It will happen here.

5) Harvey Weinstein is going to buy the Oscars again.

I know I bitched about it earlier, but some more deserving person (Hell, I'll even put Opie as best director) is going to lose out because a Jabba the Hut looking motherfucker is going to buy this award.

Three quick projections?

1. Anne Hathaway will get denied best Actress because of Bride Wars
2. The Wrestler gets nothing.
3. Danny Boyle will suddenly be blocked for a movie to direct.

And I say to you today...There's hope.

I am not merely giddy after NJIT ended a 51-game losing streak. I am not merely giddy after yesterday's melancholy. I can see a developing scenario where 85 wins can take down the NL Central again. Is this merely something that I am trying to propagandize a chance for the Brewers to win post CC? No.

But let's tell it like this. It probably will not take a Mister Smarty Mans to say that Ryan Dempster is not going to have another year like last year. Through his history, he was a pitcher whose command made certain that his numbers never matched his potential game.

Yet, why is he a reason for hope within the NL Central? Simple. Tim Dierkes listed every starter who had thrown more than 3400 pitches last year. Only one was a closer to starter as a transition. This does not bode well for the Cubbies.

Their top three are Carlos Zambrano (who's averaged 3400 pitches for the last 4 years), Dempster (obvious reasons above), Rich Harden (pitched 148 IP last year, a high since 2004, may already have a tear in his rotator cuff). So you know what that means?

1. There is a very strong chance that Ted Lilly may be your ace.
-And that means you have Ted Lilly as your ace.

2. Garrett Olson is an important starter.
-And he is merely an Ed Yarnall simalcrum. 6.65 ERA last season, and that's in 26 starts.

3. Your fifth starter in the rotation may not exist.
-Mitch Atkins? That seems like a guy that MLB 09 inventented to fill out the Iowa roster.

I still do not say that this is a clinched win for the Brewers, the Cardinals get everything from their talent. And hell, the Cubs may have gone crazy with the attributes for their create-a-pitcher. It is what it is.

It is just that there is no guarantees in this world.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

There is a minor major upset a brewin'

Sure, some of you all are watching the game between Va. Tech and Wake Forest, and yeah, whenever the #1 team in the nation can fall, it is a big thing.

That being said? With 8 minutes to go? NJIT is up by 9 over Bryant. 38-29.

Look here, I will bring you scoring updates.

UPDATE: NJIT 48 Bryant 39, less than 4 minutes to go!

UPDATE II: NJIT 52, Bryant 43. 1:52 until Cory Booker enjoys the deliciousness of this win! A 51-game losing streak goes by the boards?

Yes we can!

The Third Newsbreak: Northwestern 70, Michigan State 63. It's a final. Virginia Tech 68, Wake Forest 64. 4 minutes left.




Dear ESPN,

In regards to the hiring of Steve Phillips? NBC's usage of Matt Millen does not provide you the requisite political cover for this move. Why?

Because even if you remember him for his core incompetencies, he was still talented once. Steve Phillips was an incompetent general manager as well. But that being said? He brings absolutely nothing to the table as an analyst.

Now, way back when we were young and this blog was more fun than real life, we didn't find Steve Phillips annoying. Why? He didn't register on our radar. He was just kind of there.

We knew he signed such players as Kevin Appier and Mike Bordick when they were toast based life-forms. We knew he (Edit: Sorry, his lackey) traded Scott Kazmir when he was a spectacular prospect for Victor Zambrano when the Mets were on the distant outskirts of the Wild Card. We missed his forced Soul-sucking of David Cross soundalike Buster Olney and Jeremy Schaap. So, we were just kind of nonplussed ny his presence.

However? Now I'm hearing that he's the third man in the booth with Jon Miller and to a lesser extent Joe Morgan. And this is crap. You have an ex-General Manager that Chuck Lamar looks at with disdain. You have a color commmentator that was so bad at analysis that Mose Schrute gained more fame by breaking him down point by point than by being the creepy quiet guy with the beard.

And this is your Flagship baseball game? God! I know more by just purchasing Baseball Prospectus and Ron Shandler. And with my manic bipolarity, I would bring more to the baseball table than any other announcer. Anywhere.

I know I'm not spoiled by having Bob Uecker broadcast the games. There are good baseball announcers out there. But yet for the flagship games? We get stuck with nothing.

Fuck that noise.



Why you should love Chikara...

Now, wrestling is a sticky wicket for many people. It is something akin to performance art. And while the Mickey Rourke movie is something that will give what wrestlers do something redemptive among the masses. A.K.A they are killing themselves to live.

But Chikara is something different. And this is why I must share this with you. And it is a list post. So bear with it you guys.

1) It honors the past.

This is both the successes and the not so much. In the past 12 months, both the 80's classic tag team (Demolition) as well as a failed 90's gimmick (Glacier). They both get treated with love and repsect. They paid the cost after all. (Smash especially).

2) It is made of high-flying fun.

If there is a dominant style within the promotion, it is the Lucha Libre style. And while you can see "serious" luchadors such as Helios and Lince Dorado, you also see such gimmicks as the Super Smash Brothers (Nintendo Controllers on their legs), the Colony (Ants), los Ice Creams (Ice Cream), the Osirian Portal (A dancing pharoah and his snake), and The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple (Devious Masked Evil). These guys can bring wrestling as well as comedy.

And even such respected indie Superstars as Claudio Castagnoli and Mike Quackenbush can be comedians as well as awesome and versatile wrestlers.

3) They love the Trios.

Trios a.k.a. the six-man tag, is a match that made the first hour of WCW Monday Nitro watchable. And within the greatness of the technical and the lucha-libre and the comedy. The Six-man is something that brings al that and more to the forefront.m

4) Rotating broadcasters.

I like it when senior referee Bryce Remsberg announces because when he gets hyped and amped? He sounds just like Charlie Kelly. Yeah, that's more for me. But still.

5) Free Podcast! A Go-Go!

Watch the youtubes, download it on your podcatching software. It's 6 to 7 minutes of fun, 90 seconds of advertisings. But's it's free! And the theme is awesome!

This is not advertising. I truly believe in the Chikara!

It is awesome.


You want I should analyze the Super Bowl?

It's simple really? This game will be wholly dependent on whether the Steelers can come out and get to Warner. When teams get to him, the Cardinals suck. If they Steelers don't generate consistent pressure? The NFL Clippers get the Super Bowl.

As simple as that.

Still have between 4 to 6 sticky keys.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009 symbolism goes?

This is hack.

Ted Kennedy and Robert Byrd, two of the most veteran members of the Senate and the Democratic Party, have suffered differing medical troubles at the first official Congressional luncheon.

Kennedy is currently on his way to the hospital suffering a seizure, even if he is communicative. And Byrd is on his way to the hospital after suffering digestive troubles. They should be okay, but on this day?

This is a bad turn of events. The 37656 Inaugrials have a dour mood.

Mmmy keyboard had an accident...........................................

I have to say that I may not have time to blog very much.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;ppppppp;;p

My keyboard is broken. Fucking soda pop accident.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

If the NFC Title Game Results Hold?

You better hope the Ravens win the AFC Cardinals fan.

UPDATE: Where were you when I needed you interesting football? This year had a lot of shit.

A torn laburm is a hell of a thing.

In baseball, it can be something akin to a death sentence for pitchers. It's not a series of muscles like the rotator cuff. It's not a surgery that can make a pitcher better for it like the Tommy John. So what exactly is a labrum tear?

Go to the injury expert, Will Carroll...

The labrum is a thin matrix of collagen seated between the head of the humerus (bone of the upper arm) and the glenoid fossa (the shallow depression where the humerus fits). It functions both as a shock absorber, cushioning the blow when the bones in the shoulder collide, and as part of the joint's connective structure.

It cannot be strengthened. It takes 12-18 months for it to potentially heal itself. And it has meant the end for many potentially great pitchers. In fact? Gil Meche may be the only pitcher in the modern era who has come back with some semblance of his former self intact. So why are we talking shoulders here, right now?

Because the Brewers are interested in Chad Cordero. Who's been throwing. Less than 12 months after surgery. Re-read the article. He should be resting his shit.

Come back in summer. Throwing now hurts you.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Here's The Thing About Gunnin' For That #1 Spot

There's a problem intrinsic within the movie. Most athletes are boring. Most high schoolers are uninteresting. You make a movie about the journey of 8 high school athletes? Odds are it's going to be uneven.

Why? Because the fact that a part of athletic training nowadays is putting on a public persona. I mean, look at Jerryd Bayless. His was a well-honed persona. He was on the whole time during the movie. And I say this not out of blame or scorn.

It's like Chuck Klosterman once said. We hate athletes with personality. It's what made Michael Beasley (who was the star of the film by far) seem unsafe enough that Derrick Rose went to a team that needed a low-post scroing threat. Conversely? If he gets his own blog? He could kill Gilbertology.

But I digress. If you're willing to let the expositionary period run it's course? The second half of the movie is pretty fun. And it is a worthy rental. Unless you like Cole Aldrich. He gets owned.

You see? That was supposed to happen.

I was supposed to go 0 for 4. I have no prognostical swagger. It is what it is. I bet against a man who loiked God and puppies. What else is new?

Anyway. New set of projections. In 3-2-1.

Eva Mendes Pictures, Images and Photos
Philadelphia at Arizona

This game is the B-Movie. You know, the one starring Eric Roberts as a Roman Emperor who has to lead his Centurians versus a batch of fast zombies. Sure, there always is some talent (a.k.a. Larry Ftzgerald or a pre-Training Day Eva Mendes) in these games, but this is the afterthought. Sure, that means we could be surprisngly entertained. 1 in 4 Sci Fi originals are quite watchable.

But I'm drunk right now. I type awesome when I do. And Brian Westbrook is hiding something. So too Anquan Boldin. So, let's call it like this. If the main weapons on each side get knocked out, which defense do you trust? I trust the Eagles.

So that means I pick the Cardinals. Because it's obvious. They're a bird from the Mattoon area of Obama State, YES WE CAN!

Lee Marvin Pictures, Images and Photos
Baltimore at Pittsburgh

This is the 1970's Crime Drama. This is Get Carter. This is Point Blank. Lee Marvin would fit right the fuck in this game. Point of fact? It's a gonna be a slobberknocker.

These teams play hard. And this season? There have been classics. But Baltimore was lucky to be here. And there is a real home field advantage at the 57 Varieties Dome. Willie Parker looks fresh. Ben Roethlisberger can find opportunities against Frank Walker deep. Baltimore can keep it close.

But the Football gods don't give gifts two weeks in a row. I take the Steelers.

Because I want to bat .091 straight up this postseason. It makes expert status hilarious.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Jon Gruden got fired?

After the collapse? Okay. But why the fuck do you wait weeks after the end of the season?

So I thought I was brilliant...

I know, big surprise, right?

Anyway, every so often I get a streak of general manager in me and I go looking for a trade that I would make. Like for example? A package of Clay Buchholz, Manny Delacarmen, and Oscar Tejada would potentially be fair market value for the Prince.

But I was in a basketball mood. And I noticed something. The Bucks could move a young player with value and an expiring contract or two and generate something of value. And the right package of three could get a solid if overpriced player. So I went to the ESPN Trade Machine and went to work.

And then I found it. Charlie Villanueva, Damon Jones, and Fransisco Elson for Marcus Camby. Crazy enough it just might work. But then I realized. The Clippers are 15 deep. And then I realized, that there are only 12 active spots.

3 Clippers are injured? What is this? And then I hit on another joke of the NBA. Everybody on the taxi squad is supposed to be "injured." I mean, COME ON.

This has been, Cool Story Bro! Starring Me! Andrew!

You know what? If you're Pete Carroll?

And you've spent years chilling with the Hollywood elites? You should have known better. If you cannot bring youself to perform? You just should not bring yourself.

I am appreciative of the fact that Mark Sanchez is slightly inexperienced. I am appreciative of the fact that he does have some rawness to his game. That being said? If you are the best prospect at an important position, you would be stupid to stay another year.

Put it like this. When you start getting your name out in the public eye as a top notch prospect? Everybody starts to look at the upside. The rocket arm, the wicked athleticism? That's what people see first.

If you want to give it a name? Call it the Skita Corolary. But when people start to know your upside and grade you high because of that alone? It's stupid for them to return. Ask Brady Quinn. Ask Brian Brohm. Ask Chris Duhon.

They all lost millions because of it.

So, what does that mean for Mark Sanchez? The class is top heavy, and while I do like Matt Stafford even though he does have the worst-case scenario potential, Sanchez can vault him. That means Top 5 easily. Top 3 if he's sharp. Number 1 if he's lucky.

And even if Pete Carroll has nothing nice to say about that? He should at the very least appreciate the fact Mark Sanchez maximized his value. And any coach who allows his player to maximize his professional value?

He should just be proud and stay out of the way.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Reach Out and Touch Faith (NFL Draft Early Entry Breakdown)

Like many on Earth? I consider myself to be a draft expert. But unlike many on Earth? You know what I can do? I can bring the draft thunder for for free.

And I do bring the draft thunder. Just watch.

Asher Allen CB Georgia: As cornerbacks go? He's not a bad prospect. He is like a Georgia corner in that his is not the exact size that you want, but Asher Allen does have a solid physicality and is more than willing to press you within 5 yards. He also has good enough athleticism to return punts and kicks. He probably could have been a first rounder next year, but he has the mentality to be a successful pro.
Chris Baker DT Hampton: An ex-Nittany Lion character risk. He killed the MEAC like any draftable dude at a lower level should. He's 6'2", 298. He has all the on-field tools to be spectacular as a one-gap defensive tackle, if he can get the fuck out of his head. The Cincinatti Bengals will draft him on day 2. What?
Kenny Britt WR Rutgers: If you want comparisons? Braylon Edwards. He is big and quick, but not explosive. Both are physical receivers. Both have shown an ability to make the tough catch. Now, the dropsies are in full effect for Braylon, but Kenny Britt has that same sort of concentration issues. Be careful.
Eben Britton OT Arizona: Here's another potential elevator man. You haven't heard of him right? Well, you will. He's an excellent athlete for a left tackle. As a pass blocker? He's a 9. In space? He's a 7. He's just not great as a big on big or a stunt and wide rush scenario. But can he learn? You bet your ass he can.
Donald Brown RB Connecticut: There is a good chance at a Matt Forte comparison here. Let me tell you why. One, they are both solidly built one-cut runners. Two, they both have great quickness that belie their 40 time. Three, they both are underrated passcatchers. (Even if I'm a better quarterback than Tyler Lorenzen.) Four, they both played against lesser competition. The one difference? Three inches.
Everette Brown DE Florida State: You ever go to a dollar tree and find an off-brand something or another, and you look at the Schmony Headphones and decide I'll take a shot? That's Everette Brown. He's an off brand Aaron Maybin. Or Maybin is an off brand Brown. But the scouting report (undersized DE with good speed) is very similar.
James Casey TE Rice: You want versatility? You want potential hyperproductivity? You want a potential Frank Wycheck? James Casey has played up to seven positions in a game at Rice. He also had 100+ catches as a receiver. He also played at a lower level and is an overaged sophomore. But my gut, such as it is, says yes he can.
Jeremy Childs WR Boise State: He has decent skills to be an off-brand McCaffrey. Well, in that his biggest strength is his hands. He has hands of a gluish nature. The question will be his 40-time. A bad 40 time and you can just forget about him. I mean it. He will be gone.
Glen Coffee RB Alabama: He has an interesting mix. Decent size and good speed. But he can run between the tackles. He came up big this year. Because Mark Ingram is also a Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, he won't make the first round. That doesn't mean fail. That just means intrigue for the early part of Day 2.
Austin Collie WR BYU: Collie is a hyperproductive receiver who is overaged. He does have quickness and run precise routes. And he has hands that pluck the ball out of the air. If you will allow me to indulge my homeristic fears? Him being the Packers 3rd round pick for Brett Favre would put me on lifetilt.
Emanuel Cook S South Carolina: Emanuel has the look of a taller Bob Sanders. The timed speed is a touch under 4.5. He hits hard, but he will avoid the KTFO shot to make sure he gets the tackle. And for the Gamecocks, he was among the leading tacklers. He may be undersized to be a great cover guy, but that being said? There's a lot to like here.
Jared Cook TE South Carolina: Are you looking for a Dustin Keller sort of upside? Are you looking for it in a tight end who could get lost in the shuffle? Jared Cook has that sort of upside. Why? A rumored 4.38 40 with good hands and seam stretching capabilities. Why may he not climb? If Travis Beckum comes back strong in combines and workouts? He vaults him. Also? Having every second tier quarterback Spurrier could recruit is hazardous to a receivers draft status.
Michael Crabtree WR Texas Tech: Crabtree is ready to be a pro. While he is not going to grow up to be Randy Moss with the timed speed? He has great hands, he will make the clutch catch, runs great routes and can get open deep. Also? This season came up with a bad foot. And never mind the system receiver tag. Texas Tech has some very West Coast offense principles. Call it a Barbary Coast Offense. People are just worried because he's not tiny and quick.
Andrew Davie TE Arkansas: I guess he couldn't abide transferring, because this is a back-up. He's got run blocking skills, and his hands are underrated. (Some would say clutch 8 catches: 3 scores.) But he's an unknown, unkown, and in a year where even if Jermaine Gresham won't declare, the Y-Kung Fu is strong? He would need to flip into Mike Mamula mode on combine day.
Nate Davis QB Ball State: Made a mistake here. Because right now there are more juniors leaving than returning, so a decent season and osmosis would improve his draft grade alone. That being said? For poor footwork and a wonky delivery, he manages to get his throws with strength and accuracy. He could be really good, but he lost money by going.
Vontae Davis CB Illinois: He has all the physical gifts to be spectacular. He has a great ability to see the ball in the air, and because he has such great closing speed, his gambling fails can be made up. He can also be a good swiss army knife on special teams and a weakside corner blitz. He could be a top 10 pick by April. (Hint, hint home team.)
Maurice Evans DE Penn State: He is one of the players for whom character is definitely an issue, as he was suspended three games and had Aaron Maybin steal his thunder. That being said? If you can get the light turned on, you could have a steal. His size-speed ratio is excellent, and he does have a good motor. It's just that in this day and age, he won't get many chances to salvage his stock.
Ricky Jean-Francois DT LSU: Do you want someone who is a more athletic Glenn Dorsey type who has absolutely none of the heart or killer instinct? Then you want Ricky Jean-Francois! You think I'm being mean? He was the guy who DNP'ed after he called out Tebow. No heart. No balls.
Josh Freeman QB Kansas St.: Josh Freeman is reminiscent of Daunte Culpepper coming out of college. But Freeman may have a slightly better physical gift set. He's 6'6", 250 with a rocket arm and mobility. The problem? He wasn't great with the completions. Sure, his supporting cast isn't great. But he's relied on his athleticism throughout college. He's starting with late 2nd round value. Look for it to climb. That may not be a good thing.
Mike Goodson RB Texas A&M: It's up or out for him. He had a bad 2008, and the academics and depth chart mean 2009 is made of being bad for him in College Station. He has the Michael Bennett/Trung Candidate skill set. His 40-time will likely get him drafted, but he does not have the East/West agility of a man who will last longer in the league.
Shonn Greene RB Iowa: It's a Big 10 running back, so instantly, you have some concerns. But there is a lot to like here. He did not have the shit beaten out of him like a Ron Dayne did. He was consistent. He was productive. He does have the power to break through arm tackles and he has good vision. He does give off a good Marion Barber vibe. He has a second round grade, but he may be a 4th round steal.
Greg Hardy DE Ole Miss: If his seeming character issues get in the way? He could slide. However? His pass-rushing skills are spectacular. He has speed and strength. And the motor. Dear sweet god, the motor. And he does play big in big games. He could be a DeMarcus Ware upside your head. UPDATE: But questions about his foot mean that he will be DeMarcus Ware upside your head in 2010.
Brian Hartline WR Ohio State: He's a white. White receiver! And he comes with everything that the white receiver. Psyche. Sure, he is a tall posession receiver. But he does have a certain quickness that allowed him to return kicks. He is also rather quotable, not in the way of a Dugout-ized Jim Thome, but in a way that he shall endear himself to no one.
Percy Harvin WR Florida: His speed is supernatural. He just might be faster than Jeremy Maclin. In space? He is a challenge to bring down. You can use him as a way to spell a big back because he also has running back skills. You can't press him, and his hands are solid. So why could he be available for a playoff team? He is a magnet for the nagging injury.
Darius Heyward-Bey WR Maryland: Now, it's awfully hard to be consistent when you have such ridiculously bad quarterback play. But he is a very physical athlete who runs crisp routes and posesses good hands and the vision to adjust to a poorly thrown ball (See: This season.) He also can go deep if he busts press coverage. Believe in the marriage of Ironhead and Richard Bey.
P.J. Hill RB Wisconsin: The body of Jerome Bettis, the brain of DeShawn Wynn. He has thick legs and solid quickness and agility. However? He will not lower his shoulder and if you hit him, you can push him back. He is also injury-prone. He's Najeh Davenport without the humorous crimes and awesome 40-time.
Greg Isdaner OG West Virginia: Sitting in an angry chair, on runs he can kick ass like no one else. That means, big on big in a phone booth? He's a 10. On a pull or to get to the second level? Seven. Pass blocking? About a three.
Reshad Jones S Georgia: The history of Gerorgia Safety's with the Surname Jones is one with good success in the NFL. Thomas Jones is a big safety with a specialty in the Killshot, who is aloso named Davis, thereby ruining this whole analysis. Sean Jones is productive because the Cleveland front seven sucks. As for Reshad? His game is very much like Sean's. Not great speed. But he has good power and he can support the run. Yes. Reshad Jones is an awesome the box. UPDATE: We have a flip-flopper.
Paul Kreuger DE Utah: He looks like he could be cast as the asshole teen movie villain's best friend. But seriously, when not telling Johnny to get him a bodybag? He has a great pass-rush ability and a good motor. He's strong at the point of attack, but he may yet be better as yet another 3-4 OLB. Really? Yes really.
Brandon LeFell WR LSU: He is kind of a rawer version of the LSU receiver archetype. He's tall, he is a lot more quick than fast. He has great hands, and he has a 50-50 chance of being a bust. Suffice it to say, a senior year with a competent quarterback could have done wonders with his stock.
Jeremy Maclin WR Missouri: Jeremy Maclin is made of home run threat. Sure, his receiving skills lack that certain polish. But he just knows how to get seperation. And any time he touches the ball, be it from return, rush, or passcatch? He can score. He does have the desire to improve, but any team that drafts him does need to take a longer view for if or when he becomes a great passcatcher.
Sen'Derrick Marks DT Auburn: If you have a cover 2 scheme? This is a defensive tackle you're looking for. He plays hard, he plays low, and he has the strength and hand movement for good penetration. However? He is a tad undersized, and may not even play at his listed weight. But if you have a cover two or maybe a one gap scheme? It may not matter.
Brandon Mason RB Stony Brook: I have to ask. Does he blame Joe Flacco for his state of affairs? They both transferred to Delaware in 2006, but while Flacco became a first-rounder, Mason was forced to transfer down to the Seawolves. He did well in limited action in 2007. But missed 2008 with a knee injury. So? What we have here is a runner with decent triangle numbers but no real in-game action. Enjoy training camp, dude.
Aaron Maybin DE Penn State: For a 240 pound redshirt sophomore, the weaknesses are obvious. But as a pass-rusher? He is a master at the speed rush. He does have an excellent ratio of size, speed, and strength. He could become a spectacular 3-4 OLB. Or he could become a Kabeer Gbaja-Bilamila-Dwight Freeney type.
LeSean McCoy RB Pittsburgh: There is a lot to like here. He was the focal point of Pittsburgh offense, but not to such a point where he was beaten to death. He has quick feet and excellent agility. He can be a good pass-catcher out of the backfield. The reason why he falls off the pace? He's an east-west dancer. If he had a bit of Maurice Jones-Drew? He wouldn't grade out as a 1st-2nd round tweener.
Gerald McRath LB Southern Mississippi: An undersized linebacker, he does have the wheels to make plays in coverage and can cover from sideline to sideline. That being said? If he gets blocked. He stays blocked. And he will not exactly be a great run stuffer and he may not be special on the special teams. He needs a good workout. He needs one bad.
Andrew Means WR Indiana: He has dreams of Bo Jackson and Deion. He is a much better baseball prospect who's looking to take a flier at football drafting. But he does not have world class athleticism that a football team would be willing to chance. Thus, look for him on Baseball America.
D.J. Moore CB Vanderbilt: What D.J. Moore is? A tall Terrell Buckley. He has the ability to cover, and he has great athleticism. He has the ability to be a swiss army knife with pass-catching and returns. That being said? Michael Crabtree (and other big physical receivers) will own him. He'll have a long, solid career.
Knowshon Moreno RB Georgia: He is a human highlight film when he runs with the ball. He has great vision. He has excellent balance. And ask Central Michigan about his jumping ability. But he may not be another Barry Sanders. Why? He isn't all about the avoiding the contact. For a 207 pound non-workhorse? That is no bueno.
Captain Munnerlyn CB South Carolina: The Captain is undersized, sure. But he plays with a chip on his shoulder. He has swivel hips and he can make a spectacular cover corner. The only problem? Immaturity. He waxed and waned as a junior. And his technique is not perfect. If he avoids acting a fool? He's got Aaron Glenn in him.
Hakeem Nicks WR North Carolina: He stepped up huge when Brandon Tate went down. But his athleticism is in question. (Yes, really.) He's McCaffreyian in both skill and ethic. He makes catches. He is big in the red zone. And his hand fightings? Brutal.
Kevin Olgetree WR Virginia: His statistics were pretty good for a team that was led by Cedric Peerman. Why could he be a sleeper? The knee injury rebound theory. He was gone for all of 2007, and bounced back to decent this year. With his good route-running and sure-handedness, all he has to do is get stronger. Do not ignore him completely yet.
Jerraud Powers CB Auburn: Undersized? Yes. But he's got the ability to make plays. He covers with some aplomb. But his big strength? Oddly enough, it's his runstuffing. He'll stick his head in there. Expect him in the middle rounds. Some team will love him as a gunner.
Mark Sanchez QB USC: Canny maneuvering aside. There is reason to like Mark Sanchez. Not because he went to USC. USC's batting .500 currently in terms of reasonable success. A cannon arm does not mean success either. But based on footwork and mechanics? There is an excellent chance of success for Sanchez. He is not a perfectly polished pro prospect. But any competent quarterback coach can have him ready for war by Year 3.
Andre Smith OT Alabama: The only issue with Andre Smith is is hunger. Not hunger in as much as desire. Hunger in as much as he would have a meal of a box of snicker doodles, a sub sandwich, a McDonald's Extra Value Meal, a milkshake, a bag of pretzels dipped in French onion dip, and crab legs. Mmm... Anyway, if he doesn't eat himself to the power side? He's a prototypical left tackle.
Sean Smith CB Utah: May have made himself millions by putting a beatdown on Julio Jones. Also. He is rangy. He is cornerback large. He could be a press corner or? He could turn into Eric Weddle. Sean Smith breaks as good of a 40-time as he says he wants to? He may turn into a whole lot more.
Matt Stafford QB Georgia: If there is ever a sentence that could put the fear of God into a team, it is this. Matt Stafford can turn into a stronger armed Joey Harrington. Why? Both lacked consistency in their footwork and accuracy coming out. And of the things that could lead a quarterback into bust city? Accuracy and footwork are two of the strongest indicators.
Donald Washington CB Ohio State: Being as he is the Andrew Ridgeley to Malcolm Jenkins George Michael? You might look crossly at him for his early exit. Don't. He has the requisite above average athleticism, and he has the savvy to pick things up with all deliberate speed. And with a nascent ballhawk and no fear having to be the man who beats the man? This is a Day 2 prospect who could go all Dwight Lowery on your ass.
Chris Wells RB Ohio State: Chris Wells is a powerful inside runner. Chris Wells has a strong stiff arm. Chris Wells has excellent speed for a big back. Chris Wells is a Big Ten back, so none of that matters. He'll be a late 1st rounder. Mendenhall style.
Brandon Williams DE Texas Tech: Oh look, it's a rush end. But it's with a twist. He has the requisite strength and motor. But instead of athleticism, he is built on grit. (And yes, that means he is a slow white guy. KIDDING!) If he times well? Then maybe we can talk about this guy as more than a one-year special teamer. If not? Move along.
James Williams CB Southern Connecticut: He actually does exist. It's true. But is he dumb? He's a redshirt junior from a Division II School. What do you think? He didn't even come close to dominating either. Get hyped for 3 picks and NINE passes defended. He's going to go undrafted. And he's gonna work at a local fast food restaurant.

See? Thunder...brought. Now you have a fresh look at all the underclassmen in the draft. It is awesome. And you are welcome.

UPDATE: Jairus Byrd CB Oregon: He has declared himself to go pro, and if you're looking for a safety? This may be the man you want. He was highly productive at cornerback for the Ducks these past two seasons. That being said? He does not seem to be more than okay at cornerback. His timed speed is above 4.5, and decent receivers can beat him deep. At free safety? That may not matter.

UPDATE II: Snarky comments aside, and my love of the question mark as well, I would like to thank David Hale for his link. And I will further clarify my belief for the Dawgs Prospects.

Stafford: He will be drafted in the first round, he probably needs to go to a team with a stopgap starter in place to achieve optimal success, even if all the skills are there. He's not all the way there yet. And I saw him drafted as a Lion.
Moreno: It probably doesn't matter that he hasn't carried 250 times, with the way teams are moving toward a two-back system. And if he gets to a team where he can play dash to a smasher? He will be spectacular. He just needs to learn the simple skill of avoiding contact.
Allen: Sleepers excite me. I apologize for that. He will be drafted in the third or fourth round. And at that point, he will be at a great value.

It's not ridiculous, LaDainian.

Back at the old site, I actually made one of my smartest posts. It was a comparison of John Hobbes' view of life to the life of a running back. And it's true.

The life of a running back is cold, brutish and short. And when it goes? It goes quickly. The nagging injuries mount. The 4.48 40-time suddenly becomes 4.68. And when the playoffs come? It's nothing more than bikebikebikebikebikebike.

So, when you look at the fact that LaDainian seems to be aghast at the possibility that he may not be in Charger lightning bolts, he is either being nieve or stupid. One, there is a fine vintage of runners available in this draft. Sure, they may not get a chance at Chris Wells or Knowshon Moreno? But I would not be shocked if LeSean McCoy would roll up on them in the first round.

And that might not be as large of a degeneration as you would think right now.

That being said? You could split the duties. Get a versatile small back who's kicking ass in the all-star games like, I don't know, Tyrell Sutton. Give him 150 touches, and you can keep LT fresh for the playoffs. Becuase he's not strong enough to be the workhorse back anymore.

And that is why, they are considering letting him move along.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I am Cold, I am Angry, I want to feel better about life without bettering myself.

So? I do this.

Bianca Beauchamp Pictures, Images and Photos

catwoman Pictures, Images and Photos

OliviaMunn_02 Pictures, Images and Photos

Shiny women and superheroes. I win. And lose. I'm bored. I have a project post for tomorrow.

Now, I wish I had a mayor like Luke Ravenstahl.

Because when he decides to do something lame? At least it's for dumbass civic pride.

Wisconsin: It has as many dumbasses as Florida, but none of the weather.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Mike Conley Experience...

Mike Conley had a high upside going into the draft. He was the Shawn Michaels to Greg Oden's Big Daddy Cool. He looked like another possible Chris Paul in the eyes of some. And he was drafted in the Top 5.

However? At this juncture, Ramon Sessions is a better player. I will say this again. Ramon Sessions is a better player. Hell, he's a better player than Luke Ridnour, but Scott Skiles is a racist, so let's move on.

See, Sessions is a master distributor. He has the ability to run an offense from the mid-90's Fratello Cavaliers all the way to seven seconds or less. The big bugaboo is his jumper, but he's improving. He's not a stopper. But he's not useless as a defender.

But his contract is going to be coming up, and the Bucks have been burned by MLE idiocy of previous administrations, so they are going to get busted up again here. Why? Because until Mike Conley hits the weight room like a big boy? Ramon Sessions is a better player.

I mean, there has to be a reason why Kyle freaking Lowry keeps taking his job, right? He's a Skiles guy. Skiles would love his defense. But he has nowhere near the potential upside of Mike Conley.

And did I mention that in this deal we would be giving up on the upside of Joe Alexander? Sure, he hasn't shown much. But with me being wrong on Mbah a Moute, as well as Jefferson, Villanueva, and Scott Skiles favorite Malik Allen? How much opportunity to show himself has he had this season?

Of course, I could be wrong. Conley could find religion after he travels to the dessicated hellhole known as Milwaukee. Alexander could be a nothing but a bust. Sessions' ceiling isn't much higher than his floor.

But I doubt it. I trust my first instinct on NBA trade rumors. This one stinks.

Monday, January 12, 2009

As news-breaking goes, my tag team partner has a doozy.

Following in the footsteps of Tim Tebow, Elvi Patterson is reporting that Sam Bradford is going to take his name out of the draft. This would be a big blow to the Detroit Lions, as well as the Texas Longhorns.

While it will lose Sam Bradford money? It will protect his sanity.


Sunday, January 11, 2009

The KenPom 100: Everybody Else

I have may conferences with two or three teams left in the KenPom 100. So? You know what this means.


Missouri Valley Conference
1. Illinois State (There are a lot of reasons to bandwagon this team to the Sweet 16. Osiris Eldridge is all-seeing and all-conference. And Champ Oguchi is even better on offense. And in a league where guards are the key? Dinma Odiakosa just cleans the offensive glass.)
2. Creighton (Heart but not height. That said? Booker Woodfox is a pimp from beyond the arc. Josh Dotzler and P'Allen Stinnet have fast hands. Kenny Lawson? He's a good shotblocker.)
3. Drake (Creighton with slower hands and more power. Josh Young is a scoring bomber. Craig Stanley is a super distributor. And Brent Heemstek and Jon Cox are low-post awesome. Cox can also hit the 3.)
4. Evansville (They just get stops. That's their strength. James Hovarsma and Nate Garner are tough on the low block, even if they're undersized. Also? Shy Ely needs to stop taking so many bad shots.)

1. Butler (I was right! This team was reloading! They are one of the youngest teams in division one, play great defense and Gordon Hayward is a salad bar full of awesome.)
2. Cleveland State (As bad on offense as they are? They force bad shots and get a lot of steals. This defensive swagger will make the rematch with Butler very interesting.)
3. UWGB (They lost to Rollins. But this is a very good shooting team from beyond the arc. They get a decent amount of turnovers and force bad shots. Chop Tang update? 12 for 58 from inside the arc.)

West Coast
1. Gonzaga (Jeremy Pargo is a talented, if inconsistent super combo guard. Also, Austin Daye is undersized and super-skinny but he is a pretty good four.)
2. St. Mary's (CA) (Patrick Mills is a draftable 1, but don't sleep on Carlin Hughes as a solid collegian. Also? Diamon Simpson and Omar Samhan could overpower the Zags.)

1. VCU (Eric Maynor is a spectacular one. And Larry Sanders has a power game as a four. They generate a lot of offense and big plays on defense.)
2. George Mason (Darryl Monroe is Jai Lewis-tastic. And the defense is solidly above average. This is how they roll.)

1. Niagra (Bilal Benn has been a transferrative force as a very undersized four. Also, this team never goes to his bench. So fuck you Austin Cooley.)
2. Siena (Fast hands and an ability to avoid fouls. As for the glue to Hansbrouck and Ubiles? Ronald Moor is a solid 1 and Ryan Rossiter is a solid defender.)

1. North Dakota State (They need to speed up. They can't defend, and Ben Woodside could easily be a Steve Nash type. Brett Winkleman is a tiny Amare. So throttle it up!)
2. Oral Roberts (Why is a 5-11 team on a watch list? Because Marcus Lewis is a great low-post mid-major dude. No 800-foot Jesus, but still.)

1. Miami (OH) (Michael Bramos is coming strongly into his own as the frontman for a very experienced team with a good, tough non-conference schedule.)
2. Akron (They generate turnovers. They sink free throws. They were able to take Miami to the limit. They may not make the big dance, but they are a team that can make pain for the miggidy MAC.)

1. UT-Arlington (A very good offense, but it's a defense limited by height and depth. Marquez Haynes is 6'3", 185, and he's a putative four.)
2. Stephen F. Austin (Josh Alexander is their lone offensive threat, and Matt Kingsley is a solid low-poster. But they need to get their offense together.)

Welcome to the Week of the Deadspocalypse.

And I am currently 1 for 6 in my prognostications. Sure nobody believed in Donovan McNabb, but I didn't believe in any of this shit.

Terrell Owens is watching you masturbate.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The Titans fans have a reason to whine.

Sure, Kerry Collins and Alge Crumpler fucked up. Chris Johnson got fucked up. But none of that would have mattered if the refs would have made the delay of game call.

And while we're here? Why can't you challenge a no-call on a delay of game? It seems logical that can check the fuck up.

Ah well. I looked stupid. Happened before it will happen again. I'll move along to something else.

The KenPom 100 III: The Atlantic 14

There's a misnomer if there ever was one. I mean, look. Why call yourselves the Atlantic 10 if you have 14 teams? Because you're stupid. Sorry. But you make the Big 10 look like geniuses!


Okay, I'm cool!

1. Xavier (A tall team that gets to the line and has a low post dual-threat in Jamel McLean and Jason Love joining Derrick Brown.)
2. Dayton (They could be 23-1 when they meet Xavier. Their defense is spectacular and Chris Johnson as a freshman has been awesome coming off the bench.)
3. Rhode Island (The good? Jimmy Baron and Keith Cothran are both excellent scoring two-guards. The bads? Marquis Jones is struggling at the point. Also? Teams can score on them at will.)
4. Temple (They have faced a very strong non-conference schedule. If they don't lose heart? Dionte Christmas and Lavoy Allen can take them far. They are two-guard and post-tastic!)

The Divisional Playoffs As a Hillary Duff Movie?

Well, it could happen. Like the inexplicable turn from cute girl next door to attractive your starlet. We could see A Cinderella Story Developing.

Good god. I owe you an apology for that one.

alba Pictures, Images and Photos
Baltimore vs. Tennessee

I also owe you an apology for this. If you do read this blog, I have to tell you. I'm changigng my mind. I love Baltimore's defense. I do. I know the Ravens are eating simple offenses alive. And stylistically? It is a Frank Miller movie with a steadying hand.

But with a weeks rest? The Titans can be as ball-punchingly fierce as an English crime movie. Albert Haynesworth wants to star in Get Flacco. I see Chris Johnson breaking one. I see a field goal. I see that overcoming Ed Reed in good field position. 10-7 or some such nonsense.

Heath Ledger as The Joker Pictures, Images and Photos
Arizona vs. Carolina

You want to know how Arizona got these scars? DeAngelo Williams. I know strange can happen on Saturday Night. But we can feel good about this. This is like Sinbad in Necessary Roughness. Carolina will get wild. Carolina will get loose. Carolina will...

Sinbad Pictures, Images and Photos

Iron Man! Pictures, Images and Photos
Philadelphia vs. New York

New York. It's like Iron Man versus the Indian parody of Iron Man. McNabb isn't exactly a front man for Iron Mans, but Brandon Jacobs. He's Iron Man, the War Machine, and Force Works rolled into one.

He saw what Darren Sproles did with his opportunity last week. He wants to make millions and millions as a free agent. He's looking for a new team. Glory will come.

hillary duff Pictures, Images and Photos
San Diego vs. Pittsburgh

Ben Roethlisberger's head is stuck in a Michel Gondry film. And while I believe in the divinity of the Byron Leftwich, the Chargers defense is developing a certain swagger. And like the man who was sick of Ben Stiller's shit? There's a certain Tropic Thunder developing.

And with a bad track in Pittsburgh? Their strengths are further mitigated. So? We can see a 17-14 sort of a game, where Phillip Rivers takes this team and haves them roll on his retarded looking face. He is after all, Hillary Duff in this analogy.

Wait, I'm confused...

Friday, January 9, 2009

Some people think the Dressing as a schoolgirl is hack...

I say nay?

Sure, it is nay. And for that I say you're welcome?

The KenPom 100 II: The All-American-American Conference...

So when a boy is bored, they go back to a project post. And this is mine. What does the Conference of America's Most American Basketball teams do?

1. Memphis (Their swagger comes from their defense. Tyreke Evans needs a better shot selection, even if the hands are fast, a.k.a. tigerstyle. But Shawn Taggart has been low-post awesome.)
2. UAB (Outside of Arizona, they have no quality win. Robert Vaden has felt a need to bomb with no compunction. Lawrence Kinnard is a tall three playing as a five. They could fall off to 17-12, 9-7 levels.)
3. Houston (For a team that takes such excellent care of the ball and generates big defensive plays? They have lost to some awful teams.)
4. Tulsa (Jerome Jordan is awesome. The rest of the team is all about the glue guy.)
5. UTEP (Randy Culpepper's incessant need to bomb is the reason why this team is underperforming and it may cost Stefon Jackson a pro job. Also stop fouling so damn much.)
6. Southern Miss. (Jeremy Wise competency has allowed the team to eye a potential College Basketball Invitational Berth. Good looking out on that.)

Yay! I posted again!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Take a look to the sky...

I was wrong about Trevor Hoffman coming here. I honestly thought geography would trump closing. (This also means I'm wrong about Salomon Torres being retired to avoid spring training.) But hey. I think I'm happy about this as a gamble.

Maybe. He does come with relatively good value. He's a Mike Cameron styled signing. An above average player who comes at about 6 million dollars in year one. That being said? Those in the Brewerati who see this as another Gagne signing? They do have a case.

Why? Let's look at the facts.

1. Age

A 41-year old closer who had been merely average in his last season in Petco Park? That's not exactly something that brings forth warm and fuzzies. Sure, he never had the strongest arm. But that's a parlay to reason #2 why you shouldn't get super excited.

2. Petco Park is a super Pitchers park.

Now Miller Park isn't exactly a land of offensive sexy. But Hoffman has flyball tendencies. And from Petco to an average offensive stadium? That means we could have Hoffman with a Four-plus ERA.

3. Carlos Villanuever

My laziness can burn me. The Todd Coffey post was a perfect example. But a cursory look at Carlos Villanueva as a middle reliever showed something interesting. He kind of kicked ass.

Look at this line from the pen.

2-2, 2.12 ERA, 59 1/3 IP, 14 BB, 62 SO, 1.045 WHIP.

That's command, control, and dominace. He has a chance to be a great bridge from the rotation to the bullpen. But kind of like Marmol from last season, the better pitcher gets less glory.

But nevertheless, I don't hate the signing. Hoffman makes the situation easy. I know that closers are made and not born. But the fact of the matter is, if the Brewers odds of the playoffs are long? Making the bullpen situation for the Brewers easier can only help.

Show us 1997 Doug Jones please!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Dear Ted Thompson,

Don't sign Mike Nolan. He has no style and creativity. A read and react defense only means that we're going to get season two of offenses running the shit over your Green Bay Packers? You like DeAngelo Williams getting 4 scores every week? That's what you'll get when you let Mike Nolan in.

He is going to get you fired. You want that? Do you?

Because that is what you are going to fucking get. Good riddance lol.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A Brewers supposition...

The Brewers will be underrated at starter. I expect a healthy Chris Capuano. Add that to a Gallardo-Parra-Bush triumverate? And there may not be so much with the spectacular downfall.

That being said? Todd Coffey? He will be the closer at some point for your Milwaukee Brewers. I know. It sounds crazy. And I will allow you to be right.

But that being said? I think it was Bill James who said that once you show a skill, it does not disappear. And 2006 Todd Coffey? He had a closer of the future rep. He had a 96-MPH fastball that sunk as well as a splitter that was different somehow. But does he have a weakness? Uh-duh.

But outside options? Keep dreaming that Trevor Hoffman will come. That won't happen. Brandon Lyon would be passable. Except for the fact he would be the third best pitcher and the sixth best arm in the bullpen.

Yeah, he's better than Gagne. But isn't that like saying Leverage is better than Oceans 12 AND 13? It's a nasty backhanded compliment. And this is why Brandon Lyon won't close. He sucks for months at a time. And it was David Coverdale who said once bitten, twice shy baby.

And thus? It all comes back to Coffey. He will improve on his save percentage. Bank on it.

UPDATE: Thanks for the link Brew Crew Ball. And thanks for spoiling my next post. Meanies.

For an ill-considered novelty t-shirt, the Cubs sign an unpredictable element.

I'm of two minds on Milton Bradley. If healthy? The Cubs have themselves a guy who could go .315/.395/.560. He is going to be a real force for evil.


But here's where this so-called wicket gets sticky. Sure, he's slotted in right field. And that's cool, Fukudome was kind of a lot of drag on the team. But then there's that whole injury prone thing. And this isn't a brief run either. How about a quick game of one of these things is not like the other. Last season, Milton Bradley played 126 games as mainly a designated hitter.

Before that?
2002: 98
2003: 101
2004: 141
2005: 75
2006: 96
2007: 61

See a developing trend here kids?

And of course, any Milton Bradley discussion does have to touch on his temper. It is what it is, and while he has mellowed some has he has fallen over the age of 30. However, Lou Pinella has a strong personality, and I kind of want to punch him. And I am a mellow leader of the future.

So what does it all mean. He is a when healthy guy. When healthy, he could roll out a line of .950 OPSery. But every game over game 100?

It's gravy.

I don't normally link other posts...

As one of the millions of people stuck in-between Irrelevant and Deadspin, I know that there are other places of more popularity where you can find these posts. But on the off chance you missed this?

Now, the natural reaction to this line of thinking, despite its temptations, is twofold. First, there's the fact that, you know, unrestrained, indiscriminate destruction and violence is inherently wrong. But of course, the chaos side of the argument gets around that by disavowing the entire concept of right and wrong as part of those tenets you have to hold on to. Secondly is the matter, that the Joker ends up getting his ass kicked, swinging from a roof after his master plan completely failed. But think about why it failed. In the end, his failure, even in the short-term, was the result not of the caped crusaders' punching and kicking and bataranging. It was the inability of people on the boats to push the button. The decision not to go through with the most chaotic of impulses, the disregard of those exact tenets. In reality, the tenets didn't dictate the action, the action validated the tenets through their existence. People are inherently good because they didn't push the button. This of course goes back to a fairly long-standing and unspeakably more complex philosophical debate than I can articulate, but that's neither here nor there, so bear with me.

How does this relate to a mustached coach and Al Harrington? I'll tell you.

You need to visit the Hardwood Paroxysm. You may even need to favorite it.

And now? Utah has to get the AP National Championship.

Forget about USC. Utah played a stronger schedule. They did. USC can blame the utter incompetence of the state of Washington, but USC cannot be considered as a national title contender.

Forget about Texas. You had to struggle to beat Ohio State this year? You can essentially go fuck yourself. Ohio State's big win was Michigan State. They were a team tailor made to get their ass kicked by the Georgia Bulldogs.

And in this instant, we can say the Florida-Oklahoma winner deserves half of it. It's fine. We have no problem calling the Bowl with No Name a National Championship Game.

But Utah ran the table. Utah played 5 teams that were ranked during the year. That's not as many as Florida or Oklahoma. But Florida loaded up on paper tigers. Georgia. LSU. South Carolina. Vanderbilt. And they lost to an Ole Miss team that didn't develop a swagger until they escaped out of Arkansas.

So give Utah a split National Championship. Give Oklahoma and Florida the other one. And ESPN? Break up the BCS please. The top 2 teams will never play with the comedic joke that is the Preseason Polling. So this needs to stop.

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Mid-Major Ken Pomeroy 100!

Now? We're out of the BCS. We have to talk about new teams. We haven't dicussed St. Mary's, let alone Gonzaga. So, of all the teams in the Ken Pomeroy 100 that don't belong to the BCS? They start here.

With the Mountain West.

1. BYU (The efficency of the team is spectacular. Lee Cummard has three-point shooting, blocks, and point forwardery. And you know? You need to find a way in Jackson Emery.)
2. San Diego State (Fast hands and offensive rebounds are their tiger style. Kyle Spain is an awesome two-guard and Tim Shelton is a great glass cleaner.)
3. Utah (It's a tall veteran team with good shooters and some good defenders. Luke Nevill may actually be worth an NBA shot.)
4. UNLV (Rene Rougeau is a bad ass unlike his wrestling brethren. And because they take care of the ball? He will be the most fabulous Rougeau ever!)
5. New Mexico (This is a very good shooting team if they don't go to the line. It's got good scoring balance too. Daniel Faris is a good pivot. Tony Dandridge is a great slasher.)

What Ho SEC? Why are you kind of weak?!?!

Well, because the SEC West is made of Medicore. There are three good second tier teams of the SEC East. And yet? What do we know about them!?!

SEC East
1) Kentucky (Patrick Patterson is a great low-post force. He has a great wingman with Perry Stevenson, and because of that? Jodie Meeks can keep gunning.)
2) Tennessee (Brian Williams and Wayne Chism are a great rebounding tag team. And with Tyler Smith? They have a great frontcourt.)
3) Florida (Mareese Speights riding the bench of the 76ers has killed this teams chances of becoming a title contender. Also? Walter Hodge needs to be offensively assertive.)
4) South Carolina (The stats may be a schoch inflated, but this is a team of playmakers. Devan Downey has hands and wheels of steal. Dominique Archie is for a salad bar. But Kentucky and Tennessee could eat them alive if they don't control tempo.)
5) Vanderbilt (A.J. Ogilvy has a great shot at the power and glory of what being the next Andrew Bogut would mean.)
6) Georgia (Play Travis leslie more! Do it now, Dennis Felton! He will save your job! I mean it!)

SEC West
1) LSU (They make teams shoot bad. But yet, Bo Spencer needs to shoot more. An assertive Bo selector is a better Bayou Bengal.)
2) Auburn (They may not be great outside of Korvortney Barber, but they are pretty strong defenders.)
3) Arkansas (They rock the offensive glass. Marcus Britt and Rotnei Clarke can score, and Courtney Fortson can distribute. This is a potentially spectaculr team next season.)
4) Ole Miss (The Chris Warren experience has broken down. This leaves David Huertas as a one-man army. Murphy Holloway needs to step up.)
5) Mississippi State (Dee Best is a decent Freshman point guard. Jarvis Varnado is positively Mutomban in his low-post defense. But after that, it's nothing but youth energy.)
6) Alabama (There's a seeming amount of talent with JaMychal Green, Senario Hillman, and Justin Knox behind the senior leadership of Alonzo Gee and Ronald Steele. But Steele and Hillman are poor point guards, thus the struggle.)

Remarkably? The Big 10 doesn't suck and blow in Basketball.

Really. It's an odd thing, but it's true. They are RPI rich. And even if they aren't top heavy, they are rich in B-list glory. So, what do we know? I'll tell you.

1. Illinois (When the three guards are clicking? Bruce Weber's teams can roll. Chester Frazier, Demetri McCamey, and Trent Meacham have been pretty solid so far. They can shoot and the Mikes can rebound. Sometimes it's as simple as that.)
2. Ohio State (Evan Turner's emergence has more than made up for the sruggles of B.J. Mullens.)
3. Michigan State (You know the team of Raymar Morgan and Goran Suton, and Delvon Roe has been a great defender off the bench. But you know what? This team would be nowehere near as good without Kalin Lucas.)
4. Wisconsin (Play Jon leuer more. He has been an excellent offensive player so far. He may be the zone buster who can allow the Badgers to get clutch down the stretch.)
5. Penn State (Jamelle Cornley has defensive help from Andrew Jones and Jeff Brooks. But even if he struggled versus the Badgers, the reason why this team has been doing pretty well so far is Talor Battle. He is a salad bar of quarterbackery awesome.)
6. Purdue (They defend very well. They take care of the ball very well. They go 8 deep. And beyond the two known studs are emergences of Chris Kramer and JaJuan Johnson. They make big plays.)
7. Northwestern (A solid collegiate triumverate in Michael Thompson, Craig Moore and Kevin Coble. And there is a reason to believe John Shurna has some bills paying skills.)
8. Iowa (Cyrus tate is the low-post defense for great glory. And Matt Gatens could be a great offensive player when he grows up.)
9. Minnesota (They became good because their defense can generate big plays and the offense is efficient. Al Nolen is great at the point and Damian Johnson is a very salad bar version of a slasher.)
10. Michigan (DeShawn Sims, manny Harris, and a very efficient offense have moved this team far away from decrepit all the way to a decent team.)
11. Indiana (Is there hope for the future? The good doctor Tom Prichard is a very good low-post defender. And if Daniel Moore can learn how to take care of the ball? Maybe they can be merely bad next year.)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

So you know what?

I have a full head of thoughts. Bits and Baubles. All sorts of thinsg. So...

I believe in Eastbound and Down

I rented Foot Fist Way. And it was really good. I mean a great character piece. Could it have only been Danny McBride doing it? Probably not. But who could have done it better?

Nobody. This is why Eastbound and Down is going to be awesome. It's the same people coming together for great justice.

Baltimore will beat Tennessee next week.

I am saying it now. It is in the bank. Laugh if I am wrong.

Winter is Hack.

You think you know? But you have no idea.

I want a football pre-game show that is set up like The View.

Not in terms of 4 cougar to elderly harpies. No no. I would love a show with 4 divergent viewpoints. Like if Aaron Schatz, The Mighty MJD, Matt Millen and Bob Costas got together. That would be a pre-game show of potential awesomeness.

And finally...just watch this. It's funny!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Utah deserves a split national championship.

I'm not going to say that they are the best team in the country. It's because I cannot. Utah was able to handle themselves with style an aplomb against an Alabama team who took Florida to the limit as well as killed the meme of Georgia as a #1 team. Put it this way. They're good.

Utah was much better.

They ran the table. They beat several quality opponents along the way. They did not lose to a team they were not supposed to (Hi Ole Miss!) And when they were faced with a quality opponent? They did not get beat.

If Oklahoma faced Utah, would they win? Probably. But this is why they deserve a shot.

This is why we need the playoffs!

So how in flux is the Big 12?

After Kansas lost everybody, their mother, and the drugs of the Supernintendo Chalmers, there had to be a bit of a letdown. And that's okay. Because the Big 10 knows how it feels to be a down conference. But hey? What do we know about your Big 12 in peril?

1. Missouri (They are built on fast hands and the low post of Leo Lyons and DeMarre Carroll.)
2. Kansas (Cole Aldrich has the defensive skills to contain Blake Griffin, but outside of him and Sherron Collins? There's not much offense. Bring in the Morning Star!)
3. Kansas State (Why are they not useless in 1 A.B.? They clean the offensive glass with style and aplomb.)
4. Oklahoma (Blake Griffin is the best player in the NCAA. He will be the #1 draft choice if Ricky Rubio's rumors are untrue. That's obvious. But Cole Davis? He's the Sooners Vinnie Johnson. Yeah, he is the Microwave.)
5. Texas (If the Longhorns lose Daimon James for an extended period of time? They are in deep trouble. That's obvious. But unless Dexter Pittman can lose 20-30 more pounds there will be cognitive dissonance in Austin.)
6. Baylor (Weakness: Kevin Rogers is their only low post defense. Strength: Curtis Jerrells is a delightful point guard. And kevin Rogers is a solid 4.)
7. Oklahoma State (Byron Eaton has the hands of a pickpocket, and he leads a team of bombers that promise, at the very least, to be a team filled with an entertaining streak.)
8. Nebraska (Poor offensively with a great defense. I mean, Paul Velander can shoot. But this is a team that lives and dies on its pressure alone.)
9. Texas A&M (Josh Carter needs to be more assertive offensively, and maybe you give Chinemelu Elonu more burn when you get to the heart of conference play.)
10. Iowa State (Dear Craig Brackins, please stop taking so many bad shots. Love, Hilton Coliseium.)
11. Texas Tech (They are lucky, but Alan Voskuil and John Roberson are good.)
12. Colorado (Outside of Cory Higgins and Nate Tomlinson, there's little hope for the future. But that's at this point. They are super young.)

You want an NFL Preview? I give you one.

Okay, let's be honest. This is a weird scenario. We have four wild card favorites. There are no division champions who you would consider dominant. But yet? Every favorite is by a small margin.

So, who do I have in the playoffs? Well, if you're here? You must want to know, so...

jason statham Pictures, Images and Photos
Atlanta vs. Arizona

In terms of the big momentum? Despite Matt Ryan hitting the rookie wall, it does look very good for the Falcons. They're the indie darling that will likely only take down one award. In short? They are the Slumdog Millionaire of this playoff run. And that's okay.

On Michael Turner's back, this team can get pretty far. And starting against Arizona? They can get off on a good start. Sure, Kurt Warner can throw the ball. And when they're clicking, the Cardinals can be as fun to watch as somebody getting karate kicked in the face. But this team can be game managed.

I like Atlanta. The dream season will get one more game.

will smith Pictures, Images and Photos
Indianapolis vs. San Diego

The Chargers are like a blockbuster gone sour. Phillip Rivers is the Josh Lucas of pro quarterbackery. Antonio Gates and LaDainian Tomlinson may pull out of this game to go bikebikebikebikebikebikebike. In a way, they are The Spirit of the Wild Card Weekend.

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Antonio Cromartie is Scarlett Johansson's breasts in this analysis. What?

Anyway, like so many 4th of July's have become Big Willie Weekend. Peyton Manning is at his most viking during the Wild Card Weekend. His defense is poor, but the fact of the matter is the Broncos quit during the second quarter. The Chargers are not as good as they would have you believe. The Colts got this.

Katherine Heigl Pictures, Images and Photos
Baltimore vs. Miami

Miami was formulaic in their shocking rebirth. Run the ball. Play good defense. Don't commit turnovers. There are few superstars here. And by all rights? A simple offense is something that Baltimore should be able to eat alive. After all, they did in week 7, right?

But that being said? Joe Flacco has had some emaciated performances when the games were big. And if Joey Porter can chase him around the field? Perhaps you can see the Dolphins win. But I don't think there's going to be a 9-7, 12-10 sort of ugly here. And that is why Baltimore wins.

Uwe Boll Pictures, Images and Photos
Philadelphia vs. Minnesota

By all logic? Philadelphia has this. Brad Childress is the Uwe Boll of coaching. Tavaris Jackson? The dude from Nickelback of Quarterbackery. The fanbase is more fickle than the Chicago Cubs after one playoff loss. There's a crack in the Williams Wall, even if Pat's going to give it a go.

And lest we forget, Donovan McNabb has been mostly good since the benching, Brian Westbrook seems healthy, and the defense actually has handled the run this year. And the Vikings nearly lost, to the Junior Varsity Giants.

However? Purple Jesus has been relatively quiet. He can put the team on his back by himself. You know how DeAngelo Williams destroyed Tampa Bay's run defense? Adrian Peterson can do that and more. Bill Simmons wrote the script. So, I'll just say this. If Brad Childress is Uwe Boll? Then Andy Reid is Paul W.S. Anderson.

Paul Pictures, Images and Photos
I ruined TWO franchises! Yaaaaaaaay!

So, Philly. But Minnesota could roll up with an upset. I CANNOT COMMIT!