Yeah, yeah. Another List post. Deal with it. But this is a list post where we don't rank the ten best movies of the decade I liked. This is ten movies that deserve recognition for some reason, tangible or otherwise.
Best Fast Zombie Movie: 28 Days Later.
Best Movie With the Worst Title: Sexdrive
Best Bad Ben Affleck Movie: Daredevil/Boiler Room (tie)
Best Depressing Indie Movie That Kind of Confused Me: Where the Truth Lies
Best Shitty Blockbuster: Bruce Almighty (You know it's in the top 100 of all-time box-offices? Yeah. And it has two funny scenes. Two.)
Best Movie With The Worst Ending: I Drink Your Milkshake! I Drink It Up!
Best "So Bad It's Awful" Movie: House of the Dead.
Best Manic Pixie Dream Girl as Porn Star Movie: The Girl Next Door
Best Depressing Indie Movie I Actually Understood: Mullholland Drive
Best Underrated Movie of the Decade: Frailty. Just Frailty.
Showing posts with label I LIKE MOVIES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I LIKE MOVIES. Show all posts
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Top 10 Movies of 2009...
I know. I feel as if I have left you behind. Three half-baked formspring responses and sweet f-all from the kid. I'm doing some soul searching. So, I will leave you with a top ten list.
I apologize.
But at least I will give you a list about 2009. That's timely right?
And In this list, I will give you my 10 favorite movies of the year...That I've seen. So, no Adventurland. No Taken. And no District 9. There's good odds that two out of the three would make my top ten list. It was kind of a down year.
Anyway... going in reverse order?
10) Extract (Mike Judge is always stronger when he keeps his focus small. This is a story about the lengths people can go to avoid communication. And Ben Affleck is remarkably hilarious here.)
9) Whip It (It was dead solid solid. I know it's a really girly movie. I like sports movies. What?)
8) Watchmen (It's not perfect. Zack Snyder's not a man known for his nuance with musical choices. But damnit. I was enthralled, damnit.)
7) The Informant! (As a satire of the whistleblower movie? It's top notch.)
6) Star Trek (The populist Summer Blockbuster Action Movie A go-go.)
5) A Serious Man (Michael Sthulbarg is the best actor of 2009 for his portrayal of Larry Gopnik. Anybody who says otherwise? Fuck you. Looking at you Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart!)
4) The Hangover (Todd Phillips always knew how to be funny. It's nice to see that he found it again instead of trying to become the next WPT champ.)
3) The Hurt Locker (The indie populist action movie a go-go. Jeremy Renner would win best actor in every other year but this one.)
2) Up (I know I may be tempting controversy of what's next. But while I enjoyed this movie tremendously?)
1) Zombieland (It didn't make me want to watch it three times. This did. Rule of awesome carries the fridge logic of the female characters ending.)
So what say you?
I apologize.
But at least I will give you a list about 2009. That's timely right?
And In this list, I will give you my 10 favorite movies of the year...That I've seen. So, no Adventurland. No Taken. And no District 9. There's good odds that two out of the three would make my top ten list. It was kind of a down year.
Anyway... going in reverse order?
10) Extract (Mike Judge is always stronger when he keeps his focus small. This is a story about the lengths people can go to avoid communication. And Ben Affleck is remarkably hilarious here.)
9) Whip It (It was dead solid solid. I know it's a really girly movie. I like sports movies. What?)
8) Watchmen (It's not perfect. Zack Snyder's not a man known for his nuance with musical choices. But damnit. I was enthralled, damnit.)
7) The Informant! (As a satire of the whistleblower movie? It's top notch.)
6) Star Trek (The populist Summer Blockbuster Action Movie A go-go.)
5) A Serious Man (Michael Sthulbarg is the best actor of 2009 for his portrayal of Larry Gopnik. Anybody who says otherwise? Fuck you. Looking at you Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart!)
4) The Hangover (Todd Phillips always knew how to be funny. It's nice to see that he found it again instead of trying to become the next WPT champ.)
3) The Hurt Locker (The indie populist action movie a go-go. Jeremy Renner would win best actor in every other year but this one.)
2) Up (I know I may be tempting controversy of what's next. But while I enjoyed this movie tremendously?)
1) Zombieland (It didn't make me want to watch it three times. This did. Rule of awesome carries the fridge logic of the female characters ending.)
So what say you?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Zombieland in a Paragraph
First of all, I did see Zombieland. It was worth every penny. It doesn't compare to Shaun of the Dead. It's not a comedy based on personal relationships. I know it may sound stupid, but it seems to be more of a Zombie Midnight Run. You have the asskicker who's running from his ghost, his nebbish nemesis/tag team partner. You have the disruptive force. (Though one would have to consider Emma Stone as someone infinitely more attractive than John Ashton.)
SEE?
And this movie actually earns emotional moments as it comes to the end of the movie. I give it a 13 out of 5. It was that good.
SEE?
And this movie actually earns emotional moments as it comes to the end of the movie. I give it a 13 out of 5. It was that good.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The Film Student Breakdown of Texas-Texas Tech.
You know me. I like movies. I also have this nascent idea that I'm going to write a movie someday. So, for my own personal practice. And because I think this will at least be interesting, if not funny. I will attempt to set a narrative for this game.
We shall call this game Guns Up. It will be the story of a plucky quarterback thrust into the spotlight against an evil empire. In this instance? Texas will be a lietmotif for...the onslaught of Republican anger? No. Texas Tech has that sort of boisterous energy playing fast and loose with the facts with a lesser amount of talent.
So then, what will the Longhorns represent? Yes! The Longhorns represent the rigid corporate structure. Their team is something like a factory, attempting to develop people for a professional career. On the other hand? You look at the Red Raiders and they represent a rugged individualism. Spread 'em and shred 'em right? Right.
And of course, we need a Protagonist for this. An antihero who doesn't seem to have a future at the next level. But you need someone with a real mental toughness and some wacky facial hair. So, obviously, the main character in guns up? Taylor Potts.
I mean, look at this photo. He has the mustache of an antihero. (H/T: EDSBS/link's at the photo)
The Nemesis for this job is the heir to the Longhorn Throne. Will Muschamp. Now, I'm sure he's a gentleman and good to his family and friends in real life, but for my purposes, he beat Bryan Orakpo upside the head and shoulders for insolence and killed Blake Gideon's dog for costing Texas the National Championship game.
Because at present? He is the Diet Coke of evil.
The Mentor is as obvious as the fact that he is going to have to die to make this storyline work. He is a pirate loving, stupid powerful offensive mind, give you sound dating advice, and unafraid to make any powerful organization angry toward him because he knows man. He knows. He's a guru. He's a shaman. He's Charlie fuckin' Kelly. That's Mike Leach.
And as he told the Franchione, if you strike me down I will come back stronger than you can possibly imagine.
The Attractor? The survivng member of the Big 12 conference college of awesome from 2008. Colt McCoy. He's the front man for the corprate entity that wishes to enchroach on the state of play in college football, and he is the George Bush to Will Muschamp's Dick Cheney. Taylor Potts has to be the mustachoied Barack Obama.
(Come on. If it's a movie, it has to be stridently liberal.)
And look at this photo. That is the Democratic Vision of the average Republican. H-HYUCK!
And who is your Trickster? Often times in cinema, you have a mentor who also portrays the role of a trickster. And if someone who says “We’re going to treat (the next three games) all dramatically differently, and there will be all kinds of interesting little twists and nuances that we’ll do to each individual one to dignify it for its importance that exists in the overall scheme of the universe. There’ll be dramatic differences, and throughout the course of that deal, I’ll enjoy talking about it in length.” You know that the Mentor archetype is also a trickster. Mike Leach is your dual archetype. And he has to die.
All has to be lost in Guns Up. All has to be lost for our hero to be redeemed. So barring the tragic circumstances of a head coach dying before his time? This is going to have one of those endings nobody's going to understand. But Peter Travers is going to call it visually arresting.
We shall call this game Guns Up. It will be the story of a plucky quarterback thrust into the spotlight against an evil empire. In this instance? Texas will be a lietmotif for...the onslaught of Republican anger? No. Texas Tech has that sort of boisterous energy playing fast and loose with the facts with a lesser amount of talent.
So then, what will the Longhorns represent? Yes! The Longhorns represent the rigid corporate structure. Their team is something like a factory, attempting to develop people for a professional career. On the other hand? You look at the Red Raiders and they represent a rugged individualism. Spread 'em and shred 'em right? Right.
And of course, we need a Protagonist for this. An antihero who doesn't seem to have a future at the next level. But you need someone with a real mental toughness and some wacky facial hair. So, obviously, the main character in guns up? Taylor Potts.
I mean, look at this photo. He has the mustache of an antihero. (H/T: EDSBS/link's at the photo)
The Nemesis for this job is the heir to the Longhorn Throne. Will Muschamp. Now, I'm sure he's a gentleman and good to his family and friends in real life, but for my purposes, he beat Bryan Orakpo upside the head and shoulders for insolence and killed Blake Gideon's dog for costing Texas the National Championship game.
Because at present? He is the Diet Coke of evil.
The Mentor is as obvious as the fact that he is going to have to die to make this storyline work. He is a pirate loving, stupid powerful offensive mind, give you sound dating advice, and unafraid to make any powerful organization angry toward him because he knows man. He knows. He's a guru. He's a shaman. He's Charlie fuckin' Kelly. That's Mike Leach.
And as he told the Franchione, if you strike me down I will come back stronger than you can possibly imagine.
The Attractor? The survivng member of the Big 12 conference college of awesome from 2008. Colt McCoy. He's the front man for the corprate entity that wishes to enchroach on the state of play in college football, and he is the George Bush to Will Muschamp's Dick Cheney. Taylor Potts has to be the mustachoied Barack Obama.
(Come on. If it's a movie, it has to be stridently liberal.)
And look at this photo. That is the Democratic Vision of the average Republican. H-HYUCK!
And who is your Trickster? Often times in cinema, you have a mentor who also portrays the role of a trickster. And if someone who says “We’re going to treat (the next three games) all dramatically differently, and there will be all kinds of interesting little twists and nuances that we’ll do to each individual one to dignify it for its importance that exists in the overall scheme of the universe. There’ll be dramatic differences, and throughout the course of that deal, I’ll enjoy talking about it in length.” You know that the Mentor archetype is also a trickster. Mike Leach is your dual archetype. And he has to die.
All has to be lost in Guns Up. All has to be lost for our hero to be redeemed. So barring the tragic circumstances of a head coach dying before his time? This is going to have one of those endings nobody's going to understand. But Peter Travers is going to call it visually arresting.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Comic-Con Winners!
So you know what? I like comics. I also like movies. So when the powers of comics and movies combine, I switch my purview from sports to Nerd Proms not involving politics. And with San Diego Comic-Con? We're all winners.
Some winners were just more winner. We discuss them here.
Avatar
This is the reason why James Cameron's taken the better part of a decade off. And from the looks of it? It's going to be awesome. And probably the only the only thing that's going to be worth a damn in 3-D from here on out.
Iron Man 2
Because the first one was awesome. You have Robert Downey as the perfect fit for Tony Stark. You have Jon Favreau as the best mixture of style and substance in direction. Zack Snyder wishes he fly like that. Also...
This could be a very interesting movie. Very interesting.
The Book of Eli
Denzel Washington brings a swagger to any proceedings, and these are people who have a tendency to be the creepy guy hiding in the background. So, he did well. Even if one of the Hughes brothers said "This movie is for people who like graphic novels as well as comic books." Also, a postapocalyptic vision of the future. With Gary Oldman in the role of a lifetime. So yay.
And to a similar extent? Josh Brolin promises to make for a kick ass Jonah Hex.
Attack of the Show
Word on the street was that their panel was legendary. And that always does well. The show that they did for comic-con was also well recieved from the nerd community, for two reasons.
I mean after I punch myself in the balls for that statement, I just have to say that that costume is a wonder of structural engineering. And that's solely the reason why I posted this picture. And this one.
Yep. I did it. I did it and I'm proud. I'm like the security guard on the left in text form.
Now to shake my head and slowly back away from it.
Some winners were just more winner. We discuss them here.
Avatar
This is the reason why James Cameron's taken the better part of a decade off. And from the looks of it? It's going to be awesome. And probably the only the only thing that's going to be worth a damn in 3-D from here on out.
Iron Man 2
Because the first one was awesome. You have Robert Downey as the perfect fit for Tony Stark. You have Jon Favreau as the best mixture of style and substance in direction. Zack Snyder wishes he fly like that. Also...
This could be a very interesting movie. Very interesting.
The Book of Eli
Denzel Washington brings a swagger to any proceedings, and these are people who have a tendency to be the creepy guy hiding in the background. So, he did well. Even if one of the Hughes brothers said "This movie is for people who like graphic novels as well as comic books." Also, a postapocalyptic vision of the future. With Gary Oldman in the role of a lifetime. So yay.
And to a similar extent? Josh Brolin promises to make for a kick ass Jonah Hex.
Attack of the Show
Word on the street was that their panel was legendary. And that always does well. The show that they did for comic-con was also well recieved from the nerd community, for two reasons.
I mean after I punch myself in the balls for that statement, I just have to say that that costume is a wonder of structural engineering. And that's solely the reason why I posted this picture. And this one.
Yep. I did it. I did it and I'm proud. I'm like the security guard on the left in text form.
Now to shake my head and slowly back away from it.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Underrated Movie of July.
You know me. I like movies. I have a tag that says that. And I found a hidden gem that everybody needs to see. Or at the very least seek out.
For July? It's Overnight.
This just might be one of the great stories of fevered ego in the modern era. It's the story of Troy Duffy, the mind behind the cult hit The Boondock Saints. He comes into the movie signing a deal where he gets $300,000 for the script, a record deal based on his band doing the soundtrack, a first look deal for his production company, and J. Sloans bar in Los Angeles. He then proceeds to piss it all away.
Now Mirimax does put the movie into turnaround, but even at the start of the movie, Troy shows that success isn't something he can handle very well. And we're kind of waiting to see how he falls. Because he is not the sympathetic hero. He gets a taste of success and it all goes to shit.
The ending is poignant. We see all the members of the band working in menial labor. We see Troy skulking about. And it makes you think. After making you laugh and feel sympathy for the major characters.
A.
But you know what? The one thing Hollywood wants more than anything is a good redemption story. And there's a sequel coming to Boondock Saints. November 1st? Troy Duffy gets his shot in Boondock Saints II.
For July? It's Overnight.
This just might be one of the great stories of fevered ego in the modern era. It's the story of Troy Duffy, the mind behind the cult hit The Boondock Saints. He comes into the movie signing a deal where he gets $300,000 for the script, a record deal based on his band doing the soundtrack, a first look deal for his production company, and J. Sloans bar in Los Angeles. He then proceeds to piss it all away.
Now Mirimax does put the movie into turnaround, but even at the start of the movie, Troy shows that success isn't something he can handle very well. And we're kind of waiting to see how he falls. Because he is not the sympathetic hero. He gets a taste of success and it all goes to shit.
The ending is poignant. We see all the members of the band working in menial labor. We see Troy skulking about. And it makes you think. After making you laugh and feel sympathy for the major characters.
A.
But you know what? The one thing Hollywood wants more than anything is a good redemption story. And there's a sequel coming to Boondock Saints. November 1st? Troy Duffy gets his shot in Boondock Saints II.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Three thoughts on Movies...
Like most of us on the internet, we think we can be Roger Ebert. And you know what? We are in a way. We don't get the perks to lie about reviews, so we'll just be honest, and give it to you straight. I have seen three movies, you may have seen them, you may not have.
But I'll level with you.
Drag Me To Hell: It does hit the right notes that remind you that Sam Raimi was the man who revolutionized cinema with Evil Dead 2. And for the first 80 minutes, it was worth your time. But the ending was Bullshit. You have personal stakes that high? You make for gosh damn sure you bring the right thing to the innermost cave. The ending costs 15% off the story. C-
Up: To be honest, I haven't seen a whole lot of Pixar. I know the movies are going to be consistently good, so I don't go after them. But this one? The first ten minutes alone are worth the journey. Carl and Ellie warm your heart and break it. But that's the appetizer. The main event is just as good. A.
The Hangover: You'll have a good time with this story. Zach Galifinakis finally gets himself a role that jets him into a name that people other than Comedy afficianadoes will love. Ed Helms becomes the male Tina Fey. And Bradley Cooper is now going to get all the roles Josh Lucas was offered. Because America still doesn't have an American comedy star. B+.
But I'll level with you.
Drag Me To Hell: It does hit the right notes that remind you that Sam Raimi was the man who revolutionized cinema with Evil Dead 2. And for the first 80 minutes, it was worth your time. But the ending was Bullshit. You have personal stakes that high? You make for gosh damn sure you bring the right thing to the innermost cave. The ending costs 15% off the story. C-
Up: To be honest, I haven't seen a whole lot of Pixar. I know the movies are going to be consistently good, so I don't go after them. But this one? The first ten minutes alone are worth the journey. Carl and Ellie warm your heart and break it. But that's the appetizer. The main event is just as good. A.
The Hangover: You'll have a good time with this story. Zach Galifinakis finally gets himself a role that jets him into a name that people other than Comedy afficianadoes will love. Ed Helms becomes the male Tina Fey. And Bradley Cooper is now going to get all the roles Josh Lucas was offered. Because America still doesn't have an American comedy star. B+.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Three Movie Pitches for your NBA Finals...
Now like most people in America? I wish to be a screenwriter. The problem is like many. I can give you excellent paragraphs, but it loses something in the 110 pages. Alas, if you wheel.
But this means I can on my would be expertise to you the reader. And in five forms, I will give you a start on a sports movie screenplay.
-------------------------------------
In a world where J.J. Redick gets crunch time play, the Orlando Magic are getting desperate.
These two can save the day!
But a name from the past may be the only way to even the odds.
I'm getting to old for this--
Lil' Penny asks, Do You Believe in Magic? Rated PG-13.
------------------------------
The Los Angeles Lakers can take the sunlight, sprinkle it with dew. Cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two.
HE TOOK MY TWIX!
Lamar Odom IS The Candyman, coming next Friday.
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!
--------------------------
*Cue Braveheart Music*
In a world where energy off the bench is lacking, one man looks to change the world.
I DUNK FOR FREEDOM!
Jerzy Stuhr and introducing Marcin Gortat in Hammer: The Marcin Gortat Story. Rated R.
-----------
I don't care. Jerzy Stuhr refrences make me happy.
But this means I can on my would be expertise to you the reader. And in five forms, I will give you a start on a sports movie screenplay.
-------------------------------------
In a world where J.J. Redick gets crunch time play, the Orlando Magic are getting desperate.
These two can save the day!
But a name from the past may be the only way to even the odds.
I'm getting to old for this--
Lil' Penny asks, Do You Believe in Magic? Rated PG-13.
------------------------------
The Los Angeles Lakers can take the sunlight, sprinkle it with dew. Cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two.
HE TOOK MY TWIX!
Lamar Odom IS The Candyman, coming next Friday.
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!
--------------------------
*Cue Braveheart Music*
In a world where energy off the bench is lacking, one man looks to change the world.
I DUNK FOR FREEDOM!
Jerzy Stuhr and introducing Marcin Gortat in Hammer: The Marcin Gortat Story. Rated R.
-----------
I don't care. Jerzy Stuhr refrences make me happy.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
10 Things I Know About the Movies
I have other interests besides sports, you know. I like movies. I like awesome video games, (and Awesome Video Games). I also like you, the loyal reader who isn't here for the photos of attractive women. But here, I like movies. And I have to tell you. I know who killed the Western.
It stems from 3:10 to Yuma. I loved 3:10 to Yuma. Mister Patterson loved 3:10 to Yuma. No one else seems to have.
Disappointing? Yeah. The movie was awesome. But because I don't like it, doesn't mean I can't understand it.
America's taste in movies has been retarded. And blame Joel Silver for that.
Joel Silver created the unwritten rule that every ten minutes there had to be a whiz-bang aces hot action sequence. You open fast. The inciting incident has to be faster. Minute 21 has to rock. And so on, and so on.
And when Cokehead superproducer and tag team partner CSI magnate Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer ran with this premise? It was Katie bar the door. Whiz bang action and medicore storytelling would rule the day!
And movies became a whole different animal.
This killed the Western. Even an action based Western such as the modern day 3:10 to Yuma could not have a gunfight in every ten minutes. They are built for inherent tension building toward the end. Maybe there's heat at minute 10, 30, and 55, but it's all about the end. It's all about that last sequence.
The Western is not about awesome at minute 70. It's High Noon and all that shit.
Sad, really. A good genre dies because we can't be patient.
It stems from 3:10 to Yuma. I loved 3:10 to Yuma. Mister Patterson loved 3:10 to Yuma. No one else seems to have.
Disappointing? Yeah. The movie was awesome. But because I don't like it, doesn't mean I can't understand it.
America's taste in movies has been retarded. And blame Joel Silver for that.
Joel Silver created the unwritten rule that every ten minutes there had to be a whiz-bang aces hot action sequence. You open fast. The inciting incident has to be faster. Minute 21 has to rock. And so on, and so on.
And when Cokehead superproducer and tag team partner CSI magnate Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer ran with this premise? It was Katie bar the door. Whiz bang action and medicore storytelling would rule the day!
And movies became a whole different animal.
This killed the Western. Even an action based Western such as the modern day 3:10 to Yuma could not have a gunfight in every ten minutes. They are built for inherent tension building toward the end. Maybe there's heat at minute 10, 30, and 55, but it's all about the end. It's all about that last sequence.
The Western is not about awesome at minute 70. It's High Noon and all that shit.
Sad, really. A good genre dies because we can't be patient.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Five things the Oscars did wrong.
Okay, here's the thing. I like movies. I do. Movies are awesome. (I have watched five movies since Friday and may get to 8 by the end of the week.)
But as awesome as I find the Movies. I find award season hack. And seeing as the Oscar nominations came out? I get to bitch. I like bitching. It can be my reason to live.
1) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button gets 13 Nominations?
The movie put me to sleep. Not just figuratively either. It was a bad movie that indulged Fincher at his very worst. Sure, give it all the Makeup awards you want. Costumes too. But this gets best picture and best direction? Bad academy voters.
2) Ignoring the greatest movie in the genre's history.
Sure, Heath Ledger got himself best supporting actor nominations, that went without saying. But to say The Dark Knight was lesser than a movie where the strength was Kate Winslet letting the twins go free on multiple occasions? Christopher Nolan needed a nomination. And so too the Dark Knight. Eckhart was great, but Ledger was going to win it. They get David Hare to write the dull movies.
3) Josh Brolin's gonna have to get nothing and like it.
Two of the strongest performances of the year and he'll get nothing for either of them. He made a bad movie entirely watchable with his performance. He deserved a dual nod. I know that it would have bounced the awesome charatcer actor Richard Jenkins or the Best Actor in the category of Dreamy Brad Pitt, but Brolin killed it this year. Who would have thought he was going to be the strongest of the Actors who came from the 1980's classic the Goonies?
4) In Bruges is not going to win Best Original Screenplay.
Because that's exactly what it was. The Oscars will probably short shift Milk as the best Indie they didn't want to give a big award too. It happened with Pulp Fiction. It happened with Lost in Translation. It will happen here.
5) Harvey Weinstein is going to buy the Oscars again.
I know I bitched about it earlier, but some more deserving person (Hell, I'll even put Opie as best director) is going to lose out because a Jabba the Hut looking motherfucker is going to buy this award.
Three quick projections?
1. Anne Hathaway will get denied best Actress because of Bride Wars
2. The Wrestler gets nothing.
3. Danny Boyle will suddenly be blocked for a movie to direct.
But as awesome as I find the Movies. I find award season hack. And seeing as the Oscar nominations came out? I get to bitch. I like bitching. It can be my reason to live.
1) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button gets 13 Nominations?
The movie put me to sleep. Not just figuratively either. It was a bad movie that indulged Fincher at his very worst. Sure, give it all the Makeup awards you want. Costumes too. But this gets best picture and best direction? Bad academy voters.
2) Ignoring the greatest movie in the genre's history.
Sure, Heath Ledger got himself best supporting actor nominations, that went without saying. But to say The Dark Knight was lesser than a movie where the strength was Kate Winslet letting the twins go free on multiple occasions? Christopher Nolan needed a nomination. And so too the Dark Knight. Eckhart was great, but Ledger was going to win it. They get David Hare to write the dull movies.
3) Josh Brolin's gonna have to get nothing and like it.
Two of the strongest performances of the year and he'll get nothing for either of them. He made a bad movie entirely watchable with his performance. He deserved a dual nod. I know that it would have bounced the awesome charatcer actor Richard Jenkins or the Best Actor in the category of Dreamy Brad Pitt, but Brolin killed it this year. Who would have thought he was going to be the strongest of the Actors who came from the 1980's classic the Goonies?
4) In Bruges is not going to win Best Original Screenplay.
Because that's exactly what it was. The Oscars will probably short shift Milk as the best Indie they didn't want to give a big award too. It happened with Pulp Fiction. It happened with Lost in Translation. It will happen here.
5) Harvey Weinstein is going to buy the Oscars again.
I know I bitched about it earlier, but some more deserving person (Hell, I'll even put Opie as best director) is going to lose out because a Jabba the Hut looking motherfucker is going to buy this award.
Three quick projections?
1. Anne Hathaway will get denied best Actress because of Bride Wars
2. The Wrestler gets nothing.
3. Danny Boyle will suddenly be blocked for a movie to direct.
Friday, January 2, 2009
You want an NFL Preview? I give you one.
Okay, let's be honest. This is a weird scenario. We have four wild card favorites. There are no division champions who you would consider dominant. But yet? Every favorite is by a small margin.
So, who do I have in the playoffs? Well, if you're here? You must want to know, so...
Atlanta vs. Arizona
In terms of the big momentum? Despite Matt Ryan hitting the rookie wall, it does look very good for the Falcons. They're the indie darling that will likely only take down one award. In short? They are the Slumdog Millionaire of this playoff run. And that's okay.
On Michael Turner's back, this team can get pretty far. And starting against Arizona? They can get off on a good start. Sure, Kurt Warner can throw the ball. And when they're clicking, the Cardinals can be as fun to watch as somebody getting karate kicked in the face. But this team can be game managed.
I like Atlanta. The dream season will get one more game.
Indianapolis vs. San Diego
The Chargers are like a blockbuster gone sour. Phillip Rivers is the Josh Lucas of pro quarterbackery. Antonio Gates and LaDainian Tomlinson may pull out of this game to go bikebikebikebikebikebikebike. In a way, they are The Spirit of the Wild Card Weekend.
Antonio Cromartie is Scarlett Johansson's breasts in this analysis. What?
Anyway, like so many 4th of July's have become Big Willie Weekend. Peyton Manning is at his most viking during the Wild Card Weekend. His defense is poor, but the fact of the matter is the Broncos quit during the second quarter. The Chargers are not as good as they would have you believe. The Colts got this.
Baltimore vs. Miami
Miami was formulaic in their shocking rebirth. Run the ball. Play good defense. Don't commit turnovers. There are few superstars here. And by all rights? A simple offense is something that Baltimore should be able to eat alive. After all, they did in week 7, right?
But that being said? Joe Flacco has had some emaciated performances when the games were big. And if Joey Porter can chase him around the field? Perhaps you can see the Dolphins win. But I don't think there's going to be a 9-7, 12-10 sort of ugly here. And that is why Baltimore wins.
Philadelphia vs. Minnesota
By all logic? Philadelphia has this. Brad Childress is the Uwe Boll of coaching. Tavaris Jackson? The dude from Nickelback of Quarterbackery. The fanbase is more fickle than the Chicago Cubs after one playoff loss. There's a crack in the Williams Wall, even if Pat's going to give it a go.
And lest we forget, Donovan McNabb has been mostly good since the benching, Brian Westbrook seems healthy, and the defense actually has handled the run this year. And the Vikings nearly lost, to the Junior Varsity Giants.
However? Purple Jesus has been relatively quiet. He can put the team on his back by himself. You know how DeAngelo Williams destroyed Tampa Bay's run defense? Adrian Peterson can do that and more. Bill Simmons wrote the script. So, I'll just say this. If Brad Childress is Uwe Boll? Then Andy Reid is Paul W.S. Anderson.
I ruined TWO franchises! Yaaaaaaaay!
So, Philly. But Minnesota could roll up with an upset. I CANNOT COMMIT!
Sorry!
BYE!
So, who do I have in the playoffs? Well, if you're here? You must want to know, so...
Atlanta vs. Arizona
In terms of the big momentum? Despite Matt Ryan hitting the rookie wall, it does look very good for the Falcons. They're the indie darling that will likely only take down one award. In short? They are the Slumdog Millionaire of this playoff run. And that's okay.
On Michael Turner's back, this team can get pretty far. And starting against Arizona? They can get off on a good start. Sure, Kurt Warner can throw the ball. And when they're clicking, the Cardinals can be as fun to watch as somebody getting karate kicked in the face. But this team can be game managed.
I like Atlanta. The dream season will get one more game.
Indianapolis vs. San Diego
The Chargers are like a blockbuster gone sour. Phillip Rivers is the Josh Lucas of pro quarterbackery. Antonio Gates and LaDainian Tomlinson may pull out of this game to go bikebikebikebikebikebikebike. In a way, they are The Spirit of the Wild Card Weekend.
Antonio Cromartie is Scarlett Johansson's breasts in this analysis. What?
Anyway, like so many 4th of July's have become Big Willie Weekend. Peyton Manning is at his most viking during the Wild Card Weekend. His defense is poor, but the fact of the matter is the Broncos quit during the second quarter. The Chargers are not as good as they would have you believe. The Colts got this.
Baltimore vs. Miami
Miami was formulaic in their shocking rebirth. Run the ball. Play good defense. Don't commit turnovers. There are few superstars here. And by all rights? A simple offense is something that Baltimore should be able to eat alive. After all, they did in week 7, right?
But that being said? Joe Flacco has had some emaciated performances when the games were big. And if Joey Porter can chase him around the field? Perhaps you can see the Dolphins win. But I don't think there's going to be a 9-7, 12-10 sort of ugly here. And that is why Baltimore wins.
Philadelphia vs. Minnesota
By all logic? Philadelphia has this. Brad Childress is the Uwe Boll of coaching. Tavaris Jackson? The dude from Nickelback of Quarterbackery. The fanbase is more fickle than the Chicago Cubs after one playoff loss. There's a crack in the Williams Wall, even if Pat's going to give it a go.
And lest we forget, Donovan McNabb has been mostly good since the benching, Brian Westbrook seems healthy, and the defense actually has handled the run this year. And the Vikings nearly lost, to the Junior Varsity Giants.
However? Purple Jesus has been relatively quiet. He can put the team on his back by himself. You know how DeAngelo Williams destroyed Tampa Bay's run defense? Adrian Peterson can do that and more. Bill Simmons wrote the script. So, I'll just say this. If Brad Childress is Uwe Boll? Then Andy Reid is Paul W.S. Anderson.
I ruined TWO franchises! Yaaaaaaaay!
So, Philly. But Minnesota could roll up with an upset. I CANNOT COMMIT!
Sorry!
BYE!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Five Things You Learn From Quarantine.
A list post? What?
I know. I know. But if Clovertine needs a blurb? I would go with...
"An Educational Experience!"--Andrew Rosin, Epic Carnival
And why is it so? That's why were here.
1. Camera Motion adds to the perception of awesome.
Not in a Paul Greengrass, Cloverfield sort of way. But the cameraman as narrator story is an easy rocket boost to a flagging story. And if it doesn't make you sick, it can be able to be a cheap way to get entertained.
2. Dexter's Sister could make the A-List.
Honestly. This might be merely me being predictive and speculative, but she could be awesome in an Judd Apatow-styled RomCom. Seriously. The pulse-pounding action doesn't come until late. And that needed an air quote.
She'd be better than Kristen Wiig anyway.
3. Don't show the last scene of a horror movie in a TV Spot.
You'd think the marketing people would know that by now. And yet? No.
4. Zombies have officially become hack.
And as a man who reads Marvel Zombies and The Walking Dead and paid for Quarantine? That may be a Hell of a thing. It used to take Nick Cannon to keep me away from a Zombie Movie. Now? It's something else entirely.
5. Wait for Cable.
Seriously. Just do it.
I know. I know. But if Clovertine needs a blurb? I would go with...
"An Educational Experience!"--Andrew Rosin, Epic Carnival
And why is it so? That's why were here.
1. Camera Motion adds to the perception of awesome.
Not in a Paul Greengrass, Cloverfield sort of way. But the cameraman as narrator story is an easy rocket boost to a flagging story. And if it doesn't make you sick, it can be able to be a cheap way to get entertained.
2. Dexter's Sister could make the A-List.
Honestly. This might be merely me being predictive and speculative, but she could be awesome in an Judd Apatow-styled RomCom. Seriously. The pulse-pounding action doesn't come until late. And that needed an air quote.
She'd be better than Kristen Wiig anyway.
3. Don't show the last scene of a horror movie in a TV Spot.
You'd think the marketing people would know that by now. And yet? No.
4. Zombies have officially become hack.
And as a man who reads Marvel Zombies and The Walking Dead and paid for Quarantine? That may be a Hell of a thing. It used to take Nick Cannon to keep me away from a Zombie Movie. Now? It's something else entirely.
5. Wait for Cable.
Seriously. Just do it.
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