The State of the Bubble...

It is kind of dead. We kind of know where everything is and what place it's in. There's little marginality here. We can reasonably assume the at-large right now with a 3 team margin of error. Seriously.

Like take the ACC. You have Duke, North Carolina, Clemson, Wake Forest, Florida State and Boston College. They can get seven if Maryland or Miami runs to the semis. Pretty simple, yeah?

Move it to the Big East? It's even simpler. Seven in. (Louisville, UConn, Pittsburgh, Villanova, Marquette, Syracuse, amd West Virginia) Providence needs a tournament game to state their case. And you really can't have a team beat a team three times. (Providence has beaten Cincinnati twice.) Anybody else needs an auto berth at this point.

Big 10 will get seven teams. You get Michigan State, Illinois, Purdue, Wisconsin, Ohio State and the two teams that last the longest among Penn State, Minnesota, Michigan and Northwestern. Penn State is not safe because they have bad computer numbers and having your last two games be losses to Iowa and Indiana? You deserve nothing but an NIT bid.

The Big 12? Six teams. Kansas, Oklahoma and Missouri are obvious. Texas A&M is safe after they beat Missouri to end the regular season. Oklahoma State has a 25/9. So they're safe. Texas has been inconsistent down the last 12. But they've done enough. What about Kansas State? If UW-Green Bay doesn't deserve an at-large berth, no one with a worse RPI does. Run them to the finals and maybe we'll reconsider.

Pac-10? You know the 4 likely. Washington, UCLA, Arizona State and Cal. Arizona needs a win. USC might need two. (They don't have near the schedule of Arizona.) No one else can not win to get in. (But Washington State has a shot if you want a most likely to steal one).

The SEC? I really don't know. Three teams should be in. (South Carolina, Tennessee and LSU). But are they really going to get more than 4? Kentucky needs to get out and steal it. Florida needs to win two. But here's the question I pose to you. How can you leave Auburn out if they make the SEC Finals? They would be one of the hottest teams in basketball and a tough out in the tournament.

MWC? BYU and Utah are automatic. New Mexico beats TCU and they're in. If the 4/5 winner (a.k.a. San Diego State or UNLV) gets to the finals? They can get a berth.

A-10? Dayton and Xavier are in. Temple gets to the finals? They're back on the bubble.

The Missouri Valley Conference gets 1 bid and likes it.

The West Coast Conference gets may only get two teams if St. Mary's gets the win. Why? Because I already had my 33 at large berths before I got here. Or Penn State falls out. One of the two.

Who knows?


SHE DOES.

8 Minutes of SNL were funny last week...

Which for them is usually good if it doesn't involve Tiny Fey. I have a draft and a state of the Bubble post upcoming. Also chinese food. But please do enjoy...



Yes, Jessica Biel makes a cameo as Jessica Rabbit. Yes Jessica Biel has a great Mae West impression. But you know what? Andy Samberg makes fun of Cathy. And that's hilarious on its own. Not recurring character hilarious. But it was good for this.



Bill Hader as an Alien. It works. There's a backstory here. Why does Dave Del Monte help Greg. I want to know.

There. Saturday Night Live's best parts. 8 out of 72? Not bad.

I have nothing of substance here...

And as such, I will go to Photobucket and bring forth glory...

Win or Fail: The Chickipedia 100

Now I am one to engage in the salacious boredom, and since I am a blog with enough Gravitas to get press releases? I can sit in judgement. You searched people out on the Chickipedia. Now I will sit in judgement.

It's time to get mean. Should you want to sleep with them? A fat virgin decides!

1. Megan Fox: I can't say that physically she's unattractive. But come on. She has the face of a retard.
2. Jessica Alba: No. She'll hate you if you leave.
3. Kim Kardashian: Obvious buttsex is obvious.
4. Pamela Anderson: Really? This isn't 15 years ago.
5. Jenna Jameson: A gollum is in the top 5 searches of 2008! Nicely done.
6. Keeley Hazell: Yes.
7. Angelina Jolie: In 1998.
8. Scarlett Johansson: The motorboat is good...
9. Jessica Biel: Remember, she's a stripper in Powder Blue.
10. Britney Spears: Nah. If you do it, it means she falls back down the hill again. America can't have that.
11. Hayden Panettiere: Little people are made of sex awesome.
12. Denise Milani: ...but this motorboat is better!
13. Jessica Simpson: I heard she's fat now. Go get you some! Giggity!
14. Lucy Pinder: She would break the internet if she was American.
15. Lindsay Lohan: If only you haven't seen any pop culture since 1997.
16. Paris Hilton: ...I boo you American Male! Boo I say!
17. Beyonce: Yes, but not if she's in her Sasha Fierce motif. That glove means danger.
18. Adriana Lima: If you can take Marko Jaric off the dribble? You can do it!
19. Jennifer Aniston: If you can win a Teen Choice Award or six, she will have sex with you!
20. Vida Guerra: Her ass was hot like five asses ago.
21. Carmen Electra: So many better choices if you need to have sex with a Good Burger alum.
22. Jennifer Love Hewitt: She will fuck with you Cybertronically. Just ask one of her slashfic victims.
23. Emma Watson: Yeah. She's a child star with European inhibitions. If you can keep up, it looks like a win.
24. Rihanna: Yes. I would bless a laminated list position here.
25. Katy Perry: I'd pass. There's a simalcrum who's better for the soul lower on the board.
26. Eva Mendes: Yes.
27. Mila Kunis: You do not need my blessing.
28. Salma Hayek: She's inhuman. Actress ages are like NFL 40 times. You need to add at least two to the second digit. Yes.
29. Kate Beckinsale: If you know how to read a script, you could be her saving grace.
30. Christina Aguilera: Clown porn!
31. Olivia Munn: She will make you feel bad about yourself because she is better than you.
32. Sarah Palin: Not unless you love the S&M. Do you?
33. Marisa Miller: She will not allow for you to engage in sexual congress with her just wearing an iPod.
34. Elisha Cuthbert: Considering her current station, you could be her saving grace if you knew how to read a script. Captive was a career killer.
35. Keira Knightley: Eat a sandwich.
36. Jennifer Lopez: You're a decade too late here, kids.
37. Vanessa Hudgens: A dollar tree Marisol Nichols.
38. Holly Madison: You would, by all transitive properties, be fucking Hugh Hefner. Just saying.
39. Gemma Atkinson: I'd command and conquer her! Heh heh heh!
40. Halle Berry: I'd Stranger her perfect!
41. Natalie Portman: She would make you feel stupid.
42. Monica Bellucci: Her listed age is 44. Think about it. Force of fraking nature.
43. Heidi Klum: If she would go for Seal, take some singing lessons.
44. Kristen Bell: She will beat you with a stick.
45. Anne Hathaway: She only dates con men who do naughty things to her booty.
46. Mariah Carey: If you were a flower/unicorn/or a rainbow? You'd be golden....
47. Hilary Duff: Hotness it girl.
48. Olga Kurylenko: Sex with someone Putin wants dead is just necessary.
49. Nicole Scherzinger: You'd need seven or eleven wingmen to get a shot.
50. Ashley Tisdale: She was the smart girl on a Disney sitcom. Move along.
51. Alyssa Milano: Oh for fucks sake. This is Brad Penny's sloppy seconds!
52. Amanda Bynes: An odd sort of maturity in this one.
53. Kendra Wilkinson: You would, by all intents and purposes, be fucking a back-up posession receiver for the Eagles. Yay.
54. Brooke Burke: Why the fuck is she three spots above Charlize Theron?
55. Eva Longoria Parker: God no.
56. Avril Lavigne: There is no mute button in sex.
57. Charlize Theron: The most versatile woman on this list.
58. Shakira: Consider that she's been off the map for three years. I'm almost proud of you for this one.
59. Tila Tequila: Oh sweet Jesus no.
60. Taylor Swift: We better call Chris Hanson on this one.
61. Lacey Chabert: The Chickipedia version of an on the cusp prospect who's been there for fifteen years.
62. Rachel Bilson: Yeah. She's the modern-day Lacey Chabert.
63. Stacy Keibler: She found Jesus in 2006.
64. Blake Lively: Gossip Girl does not belong on this list? Is she Gossip Girl?
65. Audrina Patridge: She's always looking up and to the left? What's with that?
66. Tyra Banks: She doesn't even see you. John Cena style!
67. Penelope Cruz: Yes but not in the United States.
68. Katie Price: Gah.
69. Cameron Diaz: She's been useless for a decade and unattractive for longer.
70. Fergie: The attainable all-star (read, butterface).
71. Alessandra Ambrosio: You have to ask me if I would bless this?
72. Gisele Bundchen: No. After Tom Brady? Just no. She's ruined.
73. Jennifer Connelly: Do you have a time machine? No? Never mind then.
74. Kelly Brook: An English Brickhouse! Go for it.
75. Denise Richards: It's not worth it.
76. Miranda Kerr: Dimples. Aces those things.
77. Olivia Wilde: His father is the district attorney!
78. Maria Sharapova: America loves Russian tennis players who are easy on the eyes. They are the Girl from the Record Store of Fetishes.
79. Sarah Chalke: Really? I'm actually proud of you on this one. Sarah Chalke is a classy lady.
80. Eva Green: But Eva Green is hotter.
81. Catherine Bell: Your penis will be read by an e-meter. Can you handle that?
82. Anna Kournikova: I would be remiss to recommend. She was 1995's answer to Lolita.
83. Emmanuelle Chriqui: Sharply underrated. Hotness in its prime.
84. Carrie Underwood: She's too adorable to deal with words like fucking.
85. Sophia Bush: A poor woman's Megan Fox. Which means sure.
86. Sarah Michelle Gellar: You are probably a trade-up from a WWE writer. I say go for it.
87. Tara Reid: Really? Really?
88. Katherine Heigl: New Caanan says no. So should you.
89. Elizabeth Banks: The stealthy sports geek play. She knew about DeAngelo Williams before anybody else on this list.
90. Lauren Conrad: The more sane alternative to Heidi. And I will kill myself for knowing that. Soon. SOOOOOOOOOON!
91. Summer Glau: Go for it, stud.
92. Brooke Hogan: You would kill yourself first.
93. Madonna: Not even with your dick.
94. Zooey Deschanel: She's better for your soul than her simalcrum.
95. The Veronicas: Who?
96. Heather Graham: Yeah. Because she tries so hard.
97. Trish Stratus: Attractive woman who is richer than shit and a yoga master? Clearly no!
98. Tina Fey: No. Unless you want to be a character on 30 Rock.
99. Erin Andrews: Yes, but do it classy.
100. Kaley Cuoco: Yes.

...bye.

I am Cold, I am Angry, I want to feel better about life without bettering myself.

So? I do this.







Shiny women and superheroes. I win. And lose. I'm bored. I have a project post for tomorrow.

Some people think the Dressing as a schoolgirl is hack...

I say nay?



Sure, it is nay. And for that I say you're welcome?

Random Cosplay Hotness?

Perhaps. Perhaps not. But this one goes out to the lonely in the world.



Go forth! It's shiny!

SACRILICIOUS BOREDOM!

The Sacrilicious Boredom that a 16 day old post of a Wrestling Lady Named Tiffany Brings you to the end of this evening.



Go with God.

BOOBS!