I have a Wednesday Paradox for you...

We all know the power of the transitive property. It can be amazing in college hoops. I once proved that North Carolina was better than North Carolina. It blew someone's mind.

Now watch and learn, I will prove that UConn...is better than UConn. In six steps.

UConn lost to Georgetown.
Georgetown lost to Seton Hall.
Seton Hall lost to IUPUI.
IUPUI lost to Western Illinois.
Western Illinois lost to Cincinatti.

And Cincinatti lost to UConn.

Proof positive that A is better than A.

Can you beat it? You really should be able to. I was feeling adventureous.

PRESS RELEASE TUESDAY!!!!

MEDIA ALERT
Break.com’s Top 50 Viral Videos for 2008 Prove Men
Want to See Mishaps and Stunts Online

Break.com, the leading video entertainment website for guys, today named the top 50 viral videos for 2008. Hilarious mishap videos reigned supreme as half of the top 50 videos featured epic fails, pranks, and crazy stunts. From a bride getting pushed into a pool in Clumsy Best Man Ruins Wedding to the unbelievable Treadmill Handstand Attempt, men 18-34 visited Break to view our top 50 videos of 2008 over 174 million times. Check out our top 10 most viral videos.

Break.com is the premier online entertainment destination for men aged 18-34. With over 18 million unique viewers and 500 million page impressions per month, guys visit Break.com for the best content online. Break.com is a cutting edge community for guys and the content they like. Content is produced by our viewers for our viewers combined with the best in professional content.

I Think He Can Dance
Compilation of Embarrassing and Busted! Photos
Office Worker Goes Absolutely Insane
Human Slinky Halftime Basketball Creighton University Omaha NE
Stupid Party Stunt Ends Terribly
Exercise Ball To The Face
Dog Owns Little Ice Skater
Not Even Close
Treadmill Handstand Attempt
How To Split Drywall
Fail
Painful 30ft. Back Flop in Pool
Cats on A Treadmill
World’s Largest Homemade Waterslide
Awareness Test
Sister Busted By Brother
Toy Bat vs Baby Brother
Singer Faints Off Stage
Guy Gets Revenge on Girlfriend for Headache
Huge Pool Jump
Little Dude Jump Kicks His Forehead
Chick Does 21 Different Accents
Clumsy Best Man Ruins Wedding
Try Not To Laugh
When You Hit A Girl
Scaring Mom Leads To Concussion
Hot Blonde Gets Rid of One Night Stand
Broken Skateboard Has Last Laugh
How Not To Use The Drive Through ATM
Adriana Lima GQ Photo Shoot Behind The Scenes
Are We Having Fun Yet?
Sick Backflip Catch
Trapped in an Elevator…With Diarrhea
Cute Girlfriend Gives Good Head…ache
Bootyful Soccer Video
Awful Nutshot Prank With Shovel
How To Beat The Claw Game
Compilation of Reporters Getting Owned
Ball Girl Makes Incredible Catch
Funny Kid Isn’t Sorry About Huge Party
Bug in Mouth Brings Out the Street in Reporter
Foosball Nutshot
Sarah Palin Sex Tape Leaked
Amazing Blob Jump Launch
A Very Lucky Day
Akon Punches Chick Out At Concert
Hot Dentist Cleavage Prank
Mario Theme Played with RC Car and Bottles
Would You Hit It?
Suzanne Shows Off More Than Just The Dress

Please do enjoy this linked repository.

Win or Fail: The Chickipedia 100

Now I am one to engage in the salacious boredom, and since I am a blog with enough Gravitas to get press releases? I can sit in judgement. You searched people out on the Chickipedia. Now I will sit in judgement.

It's time to get mean. Should you want to sleep with them? A fat virgin decides!

1. Megan Fox: I can't say that physically she's unattractive. But come on. She has the face of a retard.
2. Jessica Alba: No. She'll hate you if you leave.
3. Kim Kardashian: Obvious buttsex is obvious.
4. Pamela Anderson: Really? This isn't 15 years ago.
5. Jenna Jameson: A gollum is in the top 5 searches of 2008! Nicely done.
6. Keeley Hazell: Yes.
7. Angelina Jolie: In 1998.
8. Scarlett Johansson: The motorboat is good...
9. Jessica Biel: Remember, she's a stripper in Powder Blue.
10. Britney Spears: Nah. If you do it, it means she falls back down the hill again. America can't have that.
11. Hayden Panettiere: Little people are made of sex awesome.
12. Denise Milani: ...but this motorboat is better!
13. Jessica Simpson: I heard she's fat now. Go get you some! Giggity!
14. Lucy Pinder: She would break the internet if she was American.
15. Lindsay Lohan: If only you haven't seen any pop culture since 1997.
16. Paris Hilton: ...I boo you American Male! Boo I say!
17. Beyonce: Yes, but not if she's in her Sasha Fierce motif. That glove means danger.
18. Adriana Lima: If you can take Marko Jaric off the dribble? You can do it!
19. Jennifer Aniston: If you can win a Teen Choice Award or six, she will have sex with you!
20. Vida Guerra: Her ass was hot like five asses ago.
21. Carmen Electra: So many better choices if you need to have sex with a Good Burger alum.
22. Jennifer Love Hewitt: She will fuck with you Cybertronically. Just ask one of her slashfic victims.
23. Emma Watson: Yeah. She's a child star with European inhibitions. If you can keep up, it looks like a win.
24. Rihanna: Yes. I would bless a laminated list position here.
25. Katy Perry: I'd pass. There's a simalcrum who's better for the soul lower on the board.
26. Eva Mendes: Yes.
27. Mila Kunis: You do not need my blessing.
28. Salma Hayek: She's inhuman. Actress ages are like NFL 40 times. You need to add at least two to the second digit. Yes.
29. Kate Beckinsale: If you know how to read a script, you could be her saving grace.
30. Christina Aguilera: Clown porn!
31. Olivia Munn: She will make you feel bad about yourself because she is better than you.
32. Sarah Palin: Not unless you love the S&M. Do you?
33. Marisa Miller: She will not allow for you to engage in sexual congress with her just wearing an iPod.
34. Elisha Cuthbert: Considering her current station, you could be her saving grace if you knew how to read a script. Captive was a career killer.
35. Keira Knightley: Eat a sandwich.
36. Jennifer Lopez: You're a decade too late here, kids.
37. Vanessa Hudgens: A dollar tree Marisol Nichols.
38. Holly Madison: You would, by all transitive properties, be fucking Hugh Hefner. Just saying.
39. Gemma Atkinson: I'd command and conquer her! Heh heh heh!
40. Halle Berry: I'd Stranger her perfect!
41. Natalie Portman: She would make you feel stupid.
42. Monica Bellucci: Her listed age is 44. Think about it. Force of fraking nature.
43. Heidi Klum: If she would go for Seal, take some singing lessons.
44. Kristen Bell: She will beat you with a stick.
45. Anne Hathaway: She only dates con men who do naughty things to her booty.
46. Mariah Carey: If you were a flower/unicorn/or a rainbow? You'd be golden....
47. Hilary Duff: Hotness it girl.
48. Olga Kurylenko: Sex with someone Putin wants dead is just necessary.
49. Nicole Scherzinger: You'd need seven or eleven wingmen to get a shot.
50. Ashley Tisdale: She was the smart girl on a Disney sitcom. Move along.
51. Alyssa Milano: Oh for fucks sake. This is Brad Penny's sloppy seconds!
52. Amanda Bynes: An odd sort of maturity in this one.
53. Kendra Wilkinson: You would, by all intents and purposes, be fucking a back-up posession receiver for the Eagles. Yay.
54. Brooke Burke: Why the fuck is she three spots above Charlize Theron?
55. Eva Longoria Parker: God no.
56. Avril Lavigne: There is no mute button in sex.
57. Charlize Theron: The most versatile woman on this list.
58. Shakira: Consider that she's been off the map for three years. I'm almost proud of you for this one.
59. Tila Tequila: Oh sweet Jesus no.
60. Taylor Swift: We better call Chris Hanson on this one.
61. Lacey Chabert: The Chickipedia version of an on the cusp prospect who's been there for fifteen years.
62. Rachel Bilson: Yeah. She's the modern-day Lacey Chabert.
63. Stacy Keibler: She found Jesus in 2006.
64. Blake Lively: Gossip Girl does not belong on this list? Is she Gossip Girl?
65. Audrina Patridge: She's always looking up and to the left? What's with that?
66. Tyra Banks: She doesn't even see you. John Cena style!
67. Penelope Cruz: Yes but not in the United States.
68. Katie Price: Gah.
69. Cameron Diaz: She's been useless for a decade and unattractive for longer.
70. Fergie: The attainable all-star (read, butterface).
71. Alessandra Ambrosio: You have to ask me if I would bless this?
72. Gisele Bundchen: No. After Tom Brady? Just no. She's ruined.
73. Jennifer Connelly: Do you have a time machine? No? Never mind then.
74. Kelly Brook: An English Brickhouse! Go for it.
75. Denise Richards: It's not worth it.
76. Miranda Kerr: Dimples. Aces those things.
77. Olivia Wilde: His father is the district attorney!
78. Maria Sharapova: America loves Russian tennis players who are easy on the eyes. They are the Girl from the Record Store of Fetishes.
79. Sarah Chalke: Really? I'm actually proud of you on this one. Sarah Chalke is a classy lady.
80. Eva Green: But Eva Green is hotter.
81. Catherine Bell: Your penis will be read by an e-meter. Can you handle that?
82. Anna Kournikova: I would be remiss to recommend. She was 1995's answer to Lolita.
83. Emmanuelle Chriqui: Sharply underrated. Hotness in its prime.
84. Carrie Underwood: She's too adorable to deal with words like fucking.
85. Sophia Bush: A poor woman's Megan Fox. Which means sure.
86. Sarah Michelle Gellar: You are probably a trade-up from a WWE writer. I say go for it.
87. Tara Reid: Really? Really?
88. Katherine Heigl: New Caanan says no. So should you.
89. Elizabeth Banks: The stealthy sports geek play. She knew about DeAngelo Williams before anybody else on this list.
90. Lauren Conrad: The more sane alternative to Heidi. And I will kill myself for knowing that. Soon. SOOOOOOOOOON!
91. Summer Glau: Go for it, stud.
92. Brooke Hogan: You would kill yourself first.
93. Madonna: Not even with your dick.
94. Zooey Deschanel: She's better for your soul than her simalcrum.
95. The Veronicas: Who?
96. Heather Graham: Yeah. Because she tries so hard.
97. Trish Stratus: Attractive woman who is richer than shit and a yoga master? Clearly no!
98. Tina Fey: No. Unless you want to be a character on 30 Rock.
99. Erin Andrews: Yes, but do it classy.
100. Kaley Cuoco: Yes.

...bye.

Most of YouTube is made of the sloppy seconds...

(or: Awesome rides a tireswing)

I know I will not be first. I just do not want to be last...

Please do enjoy.

Why Marquette is a stealthy final four pick?

I mean, at this juncture in the season? They are a 2 seed with swagger.

The Jerel McNeal, Wesley Matthews, Lazar Heyward core is hyperexperienced and who can attack defensively, the basket, as well as from beyond the arc in strong measure. Dominic James should never shoot the ball, but his defense/distribution methods are very excellent.

They are not drawing fouls at the levels they had last season, and they can slow the game down if another team controls the tempo. Quite frankly, this is a team that's a Joey Dorsey-type away from being the belle at the ball.

So that's why they're a final four team. So why are they stealthy? Simple. Their last five are going to be a Grizzly Bear to win.

The smart money is for this team to get to 23-3 by the time the schedule gets rolling. They travel to Georgetown. Then it's #1 UConn in Milwaukee. Then to Freedom Hall for a rivalry game. Then to Pittsburgh for a very hard fought game. They do get Syracuse at home to end the regular season. But they could be 26-7 and a #3 seed by the time the brackets come out.

And that is how the stealth mode just might turn on.

Some would say that this was a classic Super Bowl...

Lies. All lies.

Now I'm not at this point in my life where I am going to scream conspiracy. The Steelers won it fairly. And the Cardinals were a game and worthy opponent. The problem?

The refs. They took away from a hard-fought if not a little grimy game with their incessant need to stop play with their flags and whistles. It was not an NBA-styled game, but that being said?

That referee sure did like to hear his voice, didn't he?

And you know what else? Odds are that Warner had a bridge too far in terms of those last five seconds. But with Boldin, Breaston, and Fitzgerald? Wouldn't you think it would have been cool to see them try? Because everybody knows that the final play was no fumble. And that's a shame.

After all, if the booth wasn't in too much of a fucking hurry to end the game? They would have given us the most exciting play in football that never happens. And if it hit?

Oh my god. Then we would have had a GOAT. At best? We have a poor man's Nipplegate.

Esoterica comes manana.

I will be on later tonight.

No puppy bowl liveblog.

YES for stealthy final four pick!