In Regards to Manny Parra? I have to tell you that he has moved back into the general direction of the lefty pitcher with upside. If you look at his BAbip from last year, there is reason to believe that he will be better this year. And he has been better at limiting his baserunners in the small sample size. His WHIP is 1.25 for the spring. He's currently locked in a matcuhp with Dave Bush for the 4th starter.
Right now? Bush has shown the better stats. And I think if the Brewers aren't going to do anything with Suppan? The place where he can do the least damage is as the 5th starter. So the loser goes into the Seth McClung long relief role. In short. Hold. But be ready to drop him at the first sign of a sexy waiver pickup if he doesn't start hot.
Showing posts with label TGNC-CRTP Advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TGNC-CRTP Advice. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Friday, August 28, 2009
Hey Michael Crabtree?
Casting a wary eye toward the future.
You don't know me. You don't have to listen to me. But in the days and nights that followed the crazy between when you went guns up on Texas and got passed by my local sports team I've became a fan of your game. I didn't even mind the rumors of you acting a fool at the draft.
But you're being dumb. You're in the wrong sport to be asking for a unicorn. I mean you're not asking for a unicorn, but a football team isn't going to go above slot for you like you're some baseball phenom with signability issues. That's why a football player gets that endorsement deal.
I mean, you must take come comfort in your money from EA Sports for NCAA 10, yeah?
It's not as if you didn't try and make some magic. You got the right guy to get you money if you were a top 3 pick. But you weren't. So you've got to man up. You sit out a year? The precedent is Mike Williams. Everybody is going to compare you to Mike Williams. You'll be picked in the mid-twenties because of it. No rookies in the mid-twenties gets to do commercials for Subway.
I know wide receivers get to act the fool and have no one care. But you know what? You aren't there yet. Even Keyshawn had 8 td's as a rookie before he ghostwrote his screed toward the organization that dared want his services. And if this is something else altogether toward the city of San Fransisco? Let me just say you've got nothing to worry about.
They're not going to make you live in the Castro. You aren't gonna have to live in the city of the gays if you don't want to. What with 10th pick money and the massive amount of forclosures in California? You can get a House and build a gay moat to keep all the Socalists and Hippies who want you to gay marry out of your life.
But it's not going to happen until you sign.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Dear Joe Buck...
There are many people who don't like you. Lots of reasons as to why. Some legitimate, some not so much. But hey, you're the one who's the face of Fox Broadcasting. We cannot begrudge you that.
But you need to stop the extracirriculars. You're nowhere near the class nor brio of Bob Costas. One, you don't exude charisma. It may be good for broadcasting. You may exude neutrality. But if you're doing a comedy sketch, you need presence. Quite frankly, when it comes to comedy, you can't even muster the modicum of presence that Steve Forbes generated when he hosted SNL.
And Joe, I know you went into the family business. But for crap sake, if you wanted to do a talk show involving sports, you have to like sports. Call this an ad homenem attack if you must, but if Artie Lange hurt you that much? Maybe you need to interview Audrina and LC about lazy eyes and whatever it is LC does.
And that's another thing. The producers told Artie to come out swinging. They could tell light applause from real quality work. Show 2's going to be milquetoast, and then show three they are going to give you the comedy stylings of Norm McDonald. All talk shows from a new source suck early. If you're gonna get better, you're gonna need to wear a helmet.
I mean, I'm no Tom Shales, but I'm still in the audience that this gets marketed to. Get tough, get an identity, or at the very least get rid of the laaaaaaaaaaaame telescope segments.
Because the path you're on does not lead you away from McCarver...and that's what you really want, right?
May the next failure be less epic,
The Grand National Championships
But you need to stop the extracirriculars. You're nowhere near the class nor brio of Bob Costas. One, you don't exude charisma. It may be good for broadcasting. You may exude neutrality. But if you're doing a comedy sketch, you need presence. Quite frankly, when it comes to comedy, you can't even muster the modicum of presence that Steve Forbes generated when he hosted SNL.
And Joe, I know you went into the family business. But for crap sake, if you wanted to do a talk show involving sports, you have to like sports. Call this an ad homenem attack if you must, but if Artie Lange hurt you that much? Maybe you need to interview Audrina and LC about lazy eyes and whatever it is LC does.
And that's another thing. The producers told Artie to come out swinging. They could tell light applause from real quality work. Show 2's going to be milquetoast, and then show three they are going to give you the comedy stylings of Norm McDonald. All talk shows from a new source suck early. If you're gonna get better, you're gonna need to wear a helmet.
I mean, I'm no Tom Shales, but I'm still in the audience that this gets marketed to. Get tough, get an identity, or at the very least get rid of the laaaaaaaaaaaame telescope segments.
Because the path you're on does not lead you away from McCarver...and that's what you really want, right?
May the next failure be less epic,
The Grand National Championships
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Blake Griffin is dead.
Not even dead serious about going to Krustyland. If he goes to the Clippers? His career is over. The Clippers are the organization that the Bengals use to feel better about drafting the coach-fighting running back. They either draft a bust like Michael Olawakandi or break the frontman for Danny and the Miracles.
You know what? That's okay. I have five reasons why Olympiacacos or however you spell it is no option for you.
1) You have an opportunity to learn from the best.
You think I'm joking? I am not. Who's the 4 coming off the bench? That's right. Zach Randolph. You know what Zach Randolph does? Everything you're not supposed to do.
And I don't want you to get confused. Don't do anything Zach Randolph does. But you're the rookie. You're fresh meat. You will get cornered. He may bring Baron Davis with him. You can either do two things.
Avoid the veteran influence? But that's boring. You should...
2) Kill Alex Acker just do watch him die.
The veterans would be entertained by this murder of a D-Leaguer. And you would be left alone as the "crazy" guy. Z-Bo wouldn't murder. Unless somebody scuffed his nikes.
3) Willing flesh.
I know, corn-fed ladies probably threw themselves at you two-by-two as you went through the Big 12. But come on. This is L.A. If you're man enough for a sillicate? You will have your choice of attractive wimmens. You know that song from Kanye's first album? Not the one where he's Jesus? The one with Vida and the violin lady?
That's all about you, Blake Griffin. Go all Robert Evans in the club scene. It may not solve all your problems. But it will feel good. And in the Bret Easton Ellis Dystopia that is your life as a Clipper? It will help you get by.
4) You can ignore your coach.
This isn't college. Dunleavy isn't going to make you run laps if you don't run his play. In fact? You could probably get his ass fired if you want to. Why?
5) You have the organization by the balls.
Danny Ferry was once a top prospect. IT'S TRUE! He was supposed to be drafted by your LA Clippers. But they could not sign him. He was all NONONO. He fucked off to Europe. He wasn't that good.
But he did not have to play for the Clippers. And you don't have to either.
Trust the fuckhead. He'll save your career.
You know what? That's okay. I have five reasons why Olympiacacos or however you spell it is no option for you.
1) You have an opportunity to learn from the best.
You think I'm joking? I am not. Who's the 4 coming off the bench? That's right. Zach Randolph. You know what Zach Randolph does? Everything you're not supposed to do.
And I don't want you to get confused. Don't do anything Zach Randolph does. But you're the rookie. You're fresh meat. You will get cornered. He may bring Baron Davis with him. You can either do two things.
Avoid the veteran influence? But that's boring. You should...
2) Kill Alex Acker just do watch him die.
The veterans would be entertained by this murder of a D-Leaguer. And you would be left alone as the "crazy" guy. Z-Bo wouldn't murder. Unless somebody scuffed his nikes.
3) Willing flesh.
I know, corn-fed ladies probably threw themselves at you two-by-two as you went through the Big 12. But come on. This is L.A. If you're man enough for a sillicate? You will have your choice of attractive wimmens. You know that song from Kanye's first album? Not the one where he's Jesus? The one with Vida and the violin lady?
That's all about you, Blake Griffin. Go all Robert Evans in the club scene. It may not solve all your problems. But it will feel good. And in the Bret Easton Ellis Dystopia that is your life as a Clipper? It will help you get by.
4) You can ignore your coach.
This isn't college. Dunleavy isn't going to make you run laps if you don't run his play. In fact? You could probably get his ass fired if you want to. Why?
5) You have the organization by the balls.
Danny Ferry was once a top prospect. IT'S TRUE! He was supposed to be drafted by your LA Clippers. But they could not sign him. He was all NONONO. He fucked off to Europe. He wasn't that good.
But he did not have to play for the Clippers. And you don't have to either.
Trust the fuckhead. He'll save your career.
Friday, November 21, 2008
And now the Knicks are on the LeBron James hunt...
You know what? The Golden State Warriors have got a shot at being a spectacularly hot mess. Nellie is going to have himself four starting two guards and Andres Biedrins with the return of Monta Ellis and his Faggio infused mid-range game. And you know what? Anthony Morrow is still rolling up on people with high-scoring spot startery.
And the only reason why I did not mention the Immortal Mr. Kelenna is because I don't even want to try his last name. CHANGE IT TO SOMETHING AMERICAN PLEASE!
Warriors fans may not be fired up about it. But America? America loves a team that is in the midst of a positional clusterfuck. And Nellie's just drunk enough to love his situation. He is, after all, what Tom Ziller reports as stoked.
If you want to really be stoked, Nellie? Take a brotip from the Grandies. Sign Chris Lofton. He can create his own shot. And he's a two guard!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
And the only reason why I did not mention the Immortal Mr. Kelenna is because I don't even want to try his last name. CHANGE IT TO SOMETHING AMERICAN PLEASE!
Warriors fans may not be fired up about it. But America? America loves a team that is in the midst of a positional clusterfuck. And Nellie's just drunk enough to love his situation. He is, after all, what Tom Ziller reports as stoked.
If you want to really be stoked, Nellie? Take a brotip from the Grandies. Sign Chris Lofton. He can create his own shot. And he's a two guard!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Hey Rog? We need to talk.
You know what happened yesterday. You saw it. Even if I didn't. Or 80% of America. The Jets and the Patriots had a classic that just might have allowed Matt Cassel's NFL balls to drop. And maybe an utterance of the New York Jets as a potential AFC contender wouldn't be a joke either.
But we didn't see it. We couldn't see it. Somebody's having a cognitive dissonance problem. My tag team partner's already turned away from the NFL. I'm coming close.
But you can save it. You can save my love of the NFL. And it's easier than you think. Really. Consider this a position paper. Consider this your path to redemption.
1. Get over yourself on the NFL Network.
Your demands for the channel are exorbitant. If you want to be on the basic cable tier, you need to take the same money as The Golf Channel. Otherwise, you're going to remain on the expanded cable tier as well as in obscurity. You're not Baseball, you're not pro basketball. You need all your games to be seen by more than a potential 42 million viewers. What you miss in terms of revenue by this obstinance? It's staggering.
2. Fix the NFL Network Game.
I'm about 120 minutes away from Green Bay. I could not get an NFL Network game from there. Which is stupid. Am I right Bemidji Vikings fan? So if you have a certain insistence that you have to have a game on the NFL Network? Three ways to go about it.
A. Make the game a Sunday Afternoon B Game. A lot of people want options versus the network A-Teams. I mean, who gets excited for listening to Joe Buck talk?
B. Expand the fuck out of the NFL's definition of Local Markets. I mean really. Let Edwardsville watch the Bears for fuck's sake!
C. The NFL Network takes all the games no one else wants. Seriously. Bengals Chiefs. That's what the NFL Network is for.
3. Get your discipline house in order.
Who would have thought that the NFL would have problems with fines, referees, and fines based on criticisms of officiating? Common sense your shit for fucks sake!
4. Murder Brett Favre.
Okay, not literally. But the big problem is ESPN. ESPN just has to have a saga that they can beat into the ground. Now some have a certain legitmacy a.k.a. when the leashes broke. But eighty percent of the time?
Manufactured bullshit.
After the draft? It's nothing more than a Brett Favre-Terrell Owens-Chris Mortensen got ANOTHER STORY WRONG clusterfuck. Why am I telling you this? Because you have the power to stop it. You killed Playmakers. You can force a 60-day hiatus of NFL live. And if you do it in the days and nights between the draft and the opening of training camp.
Either that or give us Wacky Clinton Portis Costumes. He's awesome again!
Comedy can save us all Rog.
Comedy can save us all.
But we didn't see it. We couldn't see it. Somebody's having a cognitive dissonance problem. My tag team partner's already turned away from the NFL. I'm coming close.
But you can save it. You can save my love of the NFL. And it's easier than you think. Really. Consider this a position paper. Consider this your path to redemption.
1. Get over yourself on the NFL Network.
Your demands for the channel are exorbitant. If you want to be on the basic cable tier, you need to take the same money as The Golf Channel. Otherwise, you're going to remain on the expanded cable tier as well as in obscurity. You're not Baseball, you're not pro basketball. You need all your games to be seen by more than a potential 42 million viewers. What you miss in terms of revenue by this obstinance? It's staggering.
2. Fix the NFL Network Game.
I'm about 120 minutes away from Green Bay. I could not get an NFL Network game from there. Which is stupid. Am I right Bemidji Vikings fan? So if you have a certain insistence that you have to have a game on the NFL Network? Three ways to go about it.
A. Make the game a Sunday Afternoon B Game. A lot of people want options versus the network A-Teams. I mean, who gets excited for listening to Joe Buck talk?
B. Expand the fuck out of the NFL's definition of Local Markets. I mean really. Let Edwardsville watch the Bears for fuck's sake!
C. The NFL Network takes all the games no one else wants. Seriously. Bengals Chiefs. That's what the NFL Network is for.
3. Get your discipline house in order.
Who would have thought that the NFL would have problems with fines, referees, and fines based on criticisms of officiating? Common sense your shit for fucks sake!
4. Murder Brett Favre.
Okay, not literally. But the big problem is ESPN. ESPN just has to have a saga that they can beat into the ground. Now some have a certain legitmacy a.k.a. when the leashes broke. But eighty percent of the time?
Manufactured bullshit.
After the draft? It's nothing more than a Brett Favre-Terrell Owens-Chris Mortensen got ANOTHER STORY WRONG clusterfuck. Why am I telling you this? Because you have the power to stop it. You killed Playmakers. You can force a 60-day hiatus of NFL live. And if you do it in the days and nights between the draft and the opening of training camp.
Either that or give us Wacky Clinton Portis Costumes. He's awesome again!
Comedy can save us all Rog.
Comedy can save us all.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
You're Syracuse Football...
You suck. It's sad but true. You have bottomed out, and there are many who say that Northeastern's gonna make it interesting. You know you need a new coach.
So, how do you get your program in the national eye? How do you become one of the ugly people who always ends up playing in the Champs Poinsettia Bowl?
You turn to me.
I can give you your next great coach. I can make certain you have more than a BCS game every so often. Let me take you through your candidates.
1) Terry Bowden
Pros:
He ran the table in his first season at Auburn.
Can use his media experience to work for him.
The Bowden name still has gravitas to it, inexplicably.
Cons:
Short. I mean he is like a toy poodle.
Does not play well with powerful alumni.
Less regarded than brother Tommy, and Tommy’s only won 58% of his conference games.
Bottom Line: It’s not a visionary move. It’s not an inspired move. His record fell off when his players started to play at Auburn. I would pass on a Bowden in Syracuse.
2) Todd Graham
Pros:
Had success at two stops.
Has coached with two fast rising offensive coordinators in Applewhite and Malzahn.
Knows the offense, sure. But he won at Rice. That’s impressive.
Cons:
It would be his third stop in three years. You may not have heard of him, but he could very well be the next Petrino or Saban. That is greater than or equal to do not want.
Bottom Line: If he didn’t vibe as a snake in the grass social climber, it would be an awesome hire. But he seems like Syracuse would be just another stepping stone for him.
3) Mike Locksley
Pros:
Runs the spread offense that made Juice Williams the man he is today.
A sharply talented recruiter.
He knows the Eastern Seaboard.
Cons:
He is little known. (No wikipedia page).
Career assistant who hasn’t been in many big game situations.
Bottom Line: It would be an excellent hire. They need to pay the cost to make Locksley the boss.
4) Butch Jones
Pros:
Successful MAC Coach.
Helped turn Dan LeFevour into an absolute monster.
Kept CMU at a high level after Brian Kelly left.
Cons:
Spent eight years as a Coach within the confines of Kelly/Shorts Stadium.
CMU fans are not as high on young Mr. Butch as I am.
Bottom Line: But he’d be as good as Locksley.
5) Bud Foster
Pros:
A defensive genius. (A staple of the Top 5 in total defense.)
He is the man who ran the special teams so affectionately called Beamer Ball.
15 straight bowl games as an assistant.
Cons:
The only major problem I can see is that he has been defense only. He has no experience with the offensive side of the ball, and recruiting has never been his modus operandi. Can he hire a staff? Can he put together a good recruiting class? These need to be answered if you’re Syracuse.
Also, Greg Robinson was a former Defensive assistant.
Bottom Line: Bud Foster is an ulitmate boom or bust candidate. He has been an amazing assistant coach. Many have stepped up and become great head coaches. Others have been personifications of the peter principle. He deserves a look, but he would need an offensive genius, at least straight away.
So this is what you've got. Steve Sarkasian is too Mormon. Lane Kiffin is just another shitty ex-USC assistant. And you know what?
Fuck it. You're on your own and Elvi's trying to get me to heel turn.
So, how do you get your program in the national eye? How do you become one of the ugly people who always ends up playing in the Champs Poinsettia Bowl?
You turn to me.
I can give you your next great coach. I can make certain you have more than a BCS game every so often. Let me take you through your candidates.
1) Terry Bowden
Pros:
He ran the table in his first season at Auburn.
Can use his media experience to work for him.
The Bowden name still has gravitas to it, inexplicably.
Cons:
Short. I mean he is like a toy poodle.
Does not play well with powerful alumni.
Less regarded than brother Tommy, and Tommy’s only won 58% of his conference games.
Bottom Line: It’s not a visionary move. It’s not an inspired move. His record fell off when his players started to play at Auburn. I would pass on a Bowden in Syracuse.
2) Todd Graham
Pros:
Had success at two stops.
Has coached with two fast rising offensive coordinators in Applewhite and Malzahn.
Knows the offense, sure. But he won at Rice. That’s impressive.
Cons:
It would be his third stop in three years. You may not have heard of him, but he could very well be the next Petrino or Saban. That is greater than or equal to do not want.
Bottom Line: If he didn’t vibe as a snake in the grass social climber, it would be an awesome hire. But he seems like Syracuse would be just another stepping stone for him.
3) Mike Locksley
Pros:
Runs the spread offense that made Juice Williams the man he is today.
A sharply talented recruiter.
He knows the Eastern Seaboard.
Cons:
He is little known. (No wikipedia page).
Career assistant who hasn’t been in many big game situations.
Bottom Line: It would be an excellent hire. They need to pay the cost to make Locksley the boss.
4) Butch Jones
Pros:
Successful MAC Coach.
Helped turn Dan LeFevour into an absolute monster.
Kept CMU at a high level after Brian Kelly left.
Cons:
Spent eight years as a Coach within the confines of Kelly/Shorts Stadium.
CMU fans are not as high on young Mr. Butch as I am.
Bottom Line: But he’d be as good as Locksley.
5) Bud Foster
Pros:
A defensive genius. (A staple of the Top 5 in total defense.)
He is the man who ran the special teams so affectionately called Beamer Ball.
15 straight bowl games as an assistant.
Cons:
The only major problem I can see is that he has been defense only. He has no experience with the offensive side of the ball, and recruiting has never been his modus operandi. Can he hire a staff? Can he put together a good recruiting class? These need to be answered if you’re Syracuse.
Also, Greg Robinson was a former Defensive assistant.
Bottom Line: Bud Foster is an ulitmate boom or bust candidate. He has been an amazing assistant coach. Many have stepped up and become great head coaches. Others have been personifications of the peter principle. He deserves a look, but he would need an offensive genius, at least straight away.
So this is what you've got. Steve Sarkasian is too Mormon. Lane Kiffin is just another shitty ex-USC assistant. And you know what?
Fuck it. You're on your own and Elvi's trying to get me to heel turn.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Advice to the Tampa Bay Fan...
Hey there Rays fan. Feelin' blue? I've been there. My baseball team had a similar experience in 2007. It shocked the world for four months. And it was at its best without young studs Ryan Braun and Yovani Gallardo.
But alas, the 300 million dollars the Cubs spent coalesced into a team that was above marginal, and several Brewers fell back to earth. We had a taste of the sweet life. And we had it slapped out of our hands.
And you know what? The Cubs looked better than the Brewers when the season started this year. And after Gallardo tore his knee up? I admittedly gave the division up. Ask Elvi. Or OMDQ.
So you know what this means? I've been where you are. The furtive glances. The pensive excitement. Living and dying day to day for the playoff run. Gnashing and wailing as our stars get injured.
And you know what? I know what Carl Crawford and Evan Longoria hitting the disabled list means. I know how you're in a bad place right now. If this be the end of the magic of the Rays? As a Brewer fan? I will tell you how to cope.
Step 1? Engage your basest vices.
Put it simply? Do the smallest thing that makes you happy. If it involves drunkenness? Go for it! If it involves an attractive person and various brushes, fingers, hands, or vegetables? Mazel tov!
I shall put a picture here befitting our major demographic for this purpose. Because we're helpful.
Step 2? Hire Sinbad!
If a major league baseball team is feeling town? They find somebody to lighten the mood and make with the comedy. Now, you are not baseballers with the resources to hire someone like Steve Schrippa or Roger McDowell. You are fans. But that doesn't mean you're stuck with mere Jollytologists or bargains like Alan Page.
You've got to live a little. You've got to spend some money. And you don't need to pay for Jessica Simspon either. Sinbad is the sweet spot in terms of cost to benefit analysis. And he'll even let you play Paul Blake to his Andre Krimm!
Take it from us! A part-ay with Sinbad is something unforgettable!
Step 3? Let other sports wash over you.
Now, you have a strong football team in Tampa. It has the look of a team on the way up. So long as the veterans stay strong? You have a distraction. Playoff teams in other sports? They are medicinal. Flat out.
And I don't think South Florida's got the swagger to be dominant. Just saying.
Step 4? Irrationally fear a slow start.
You're in a division where there are two teams that will pay any amount of money for anybody. And you will be stuck trying to make savvy plays in the bargain bin. And you may end up with Eric Gagne in your patchwork bullpen. (Sorry.)
You may be in the middle of May, 18-24, with rumors of a shake-up happening. Don't worry. The cream always rises to the crop. And if Carl Crawford's option is pick-ed up, you'll have a magic team.
Step 5? The Deadline deal.
Now, the odds are that your only option for another starter is Erik Bedard. Don't laugh, pitching depth is a very fungible entity. That being said? You need to make a deal for the seeming finqal piece of the puzzle. Could it be Matt Holliday?
Yes. Let's start the rumor here. Tampa will be rolling out a package for Matt Holliday next July. David Price will not be included. Jeff Niemann on the other hand?
Listen, this may be meaningless. I hope it is. However? The shocking of the world in 2007 had to be put on hold when pitching star Ben Sheets went down.
You have two excellent hitters on the DL. The Red Sox are always the annoying Red Sox. And if you fall? This five part plan shall give you a second chance to make a first impression.
We love the Rays too.
Love,
Wisconsin
But alas, the 300 million dollars the Cubs spent coalesced into a team that was above marginal, and several Brewers fell back to earth. We had a taste of the sweet life. And we had it slapped out of our hands.
And you know what? The Cubs looked better than the Brewers when the season started this year. And after Gallardo tore his knee up? I admittedly gave the division up. Ask Elvi. Or OMDQ.
So you know what this means? I've been where you are. The furtive glances. The pensive excitement. Living and dying day to day for the playoff run. Gnashing and wailing as our stars get injured.
And you know what? I know what Carl Crawford and Evan Longoria hitting the disabled list means. I know how you're in a bad place right now. If this be the end of the magic of the Rays? As a Brewer fan? I will tell you how to cope.
Step 1? Engage your basest vices.
Put it simply? Do the smallest thing that makes you happy. If it involves drunkenness? Go for it! If it involves an attractive person and various brushes, fingers, hands, or vegetables? Mazel tov!
I shall put a picture here befitting our major demographic for this purpose. Because we're helpful.
Step 2? Hire Sinbad!
If a major league baseball team is feeling town? They find somebody to lighten the mood and make with the comedy. Now, you are not baseballers with the resources to hire someone like Steve Schrippa or Roger McDowell. You are fans. But that doesn't mean you're stuck with mere Jollytologists or bargains like Alan Page.
You've got to live a little. You've got to spend some money. And you don't need to pay for Jessica Simspon either. Sinbad is the sweet spot in terms of cost to benefit analysis. And he'll even let you play Paul Blake to his Andre Krimm!
Take it from us! A part-ay with Sinbad is something unforgettable!
Step 3? Let other sports wash over you.
Now, you have a strong football team in Tampa. It has the look of a team on the way up. So long as the veterans stay strong? You have a distraction. Playoff teams in other sports? They are medicinal. Flat out.
And I don't think South Florida's got the swagger to be dominant. Just saying.
Step 4? Irrationally fear a slow start.
You're in a division where there are two teams that will pay any amount of money for anybody. And you will be stuck trying to make savvy plays in the bargain bin. And you may end up with Eric Gagne in your patchwork bullpen. (Sorry.)
You may be in the middle of May, 18-24, with rumors of a shake-up happening. Don't worry. The cream always rises to the crop. And if Carl Crawford's option is pick-ed up, you'll have a magic team.
Step 5? The Deadline deal.
Now, the odds are that your only option for another starter is Erik Bedard. Don't laugh, pitching depth is a very fungible entity. That being said? You need to make a deal for the seeming finqal piece of the puzzle. Could it be Matt Holliday?
Yes. Let's start the rumor here. Tampa will be rolling out a package for Matt Holliday next July. David Price will not be included. Jeff Niemann on the other hand?
Listen, this may be meaningless. I hope it is. However? The shocking of the world in 2007 had to be put on hold when pitching star Ben Sheets went down.
You have two excellent hitters on the DL. The Red Sox are always the annoying Red Sox. And if you fall? This five part plan shall give you a second chance to make a first impression.
We love the Rays too.
Love,
Wisconsin
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