Dear Billy Sims,

Really? Your quarterback won the tightest three way dance in Heisman history and as he's walking up, a legend of college football, you decide to make some Tyra Banks grab for attention and start screaming like some sort of a slow-mo Jim Ross as Stone Cold came storming down to ringside. It's not your moment. You stood on stage with the Heisman winners. They gave you the shout out.

That's it. You celebrate Bradford, get drunk, and go home. You don't try and take the first moments after he becomes College Footballs poster boy for you. Real dudes don't be that guy. Clearly. You are not a real dude.

It's not even a matter of me hating on your school either. The only thing the erstwhile Kalamazoo SantaCon party planner and I truly disagree in fandom is the Cubs. But that's a digression.

I have to ask? Did you feel embarrassed by Charles White's smooth hand gesture? Was Jason White feeling like a dork a necessity to fix? Did you fail your course in manners while you were a student at OU? Because looking like a jackass while representing your school?

That's Barry Switzer's job.