While some of us will look at Week 1...

And say boy the ACC looks like a really bad conference, and while we're at it? So does the Big 10. And some of us will mock Mike Sherman for losing to Arkansas State in his debut. (Me.) I will also take a different tact.

In this so-called Football Championship Subdivision, an upset did occur yesterday. It does not have the jaw-dropping gravitas of last year's Appalachian State going Hot Hot Hot in the Big House. But a Division 1-A team did lose to a Division 1-AA team.

Cal Poly went into Qualcomm last night and came out with a 29-27 win versus San Diego State. And while the kicker and the running game may get all the pub?

Let me hype you to the man with a future on Sundays. Let me hype you to Ramses Barden.

Ramses Barden WR-Cal Poly
6'6" 228
Obvious Nicknames for the sportswriters: Shakespeare, The Pharoh

After nearly declaring for the draft as a junior, Barden decided that he was going to return for his senior year in an attempt to improve last years fifth round grade. And after a week one of 7-161-1, he is off to a great start. With his size? The skills he brings to the table are pretty obvious.

He's big, he's strong, he can jump out of the gym, and he has great hands. And of course, he's a timed step too slow, and needs polish at receiver. That being said? He's going to destroy some 1-AA teams like he did last year. He is the frontman for an offense that can do some major things.

Will he? The next two weeks will tell the tale. They get Montana at SLO, and then travel to McNeese State. That's two Top 15 1-AA teams. He shows up for those games? Then his rise is going to be meteoric.

And if he pulls a 7-161-1 or something similar in the Badgers inexplicable final game of the season? Then, my friend? He's gonna be bigger than Astronauts.

Ramses Barden a.k.a. Pharoh Shakespeare a.k.a. The King a.k.a. Ramses 3000. You heard him here somewhere in the middle.

The scariest words a Packer fan can hear right now?

The Green Bay Packers are interested in bringing in recently released quarterback Joey Harrington to provide veteran stability behind Aaron Rodgers.

Yep. Ooooooooohwoooooooooooo.

Hey ESPN?

Seriously, could you slow down about the East Carolina as BCS Contender narrative? It was a good win. Holtz is a good coach. And they had a good game against a team that made a bad roster decision.

However? This game showed many problems. One, this team was turnover prone. A couple of turnovers and a blocked extra point show that this team has certain issues that it needs to work out. And with games against West Virginia, at a team that could turn turnovers into points like N.C. State, and even intra-divisional road games versus Central Florida and Southern Mississippi can take them out.

I know Hyperbole is the baliwick of the Worldwide Leader (remember when April was all about you screaming what's wrong with Sabathia?), but by your same crazy ESPN logic, Buffalo is a BCS contender.

After all? All they have to do is go to Pittsburgh and win and beat Missouri in Columbia. And Drew Willy just might have the horses to do that.

Right Mark May?

8) If you're looking for an upset?

Look to Greenville (Charlotte. Oops.), North Carolina. Remember last year? How hyped up Blacksburg was? You remember the final score? No.

17-7. And it took a Macho Man Flying Interception Return to have it be that sound of a margin. Sure ECU lost Chris Johnson, but you know what? Skip Holtz is an awesome coach. Patrick Pickney is a dual threat. And Tyrod Taylor can't save them this time.

Sure, I said the final was going to be 13-10.

But the song remains the same. Who's house? Run's house.

ECU 27
17 Virginia Tech 22

Damn you Dave Pasch, stop calling this not an upset!

Proof Positive that the Knicks are getting it together...

They traded the draft rights to Frederic Weis. Vince Carter dunked on his ass, and know? He got dealt for Patrick Ewing...

Oh.

Never mind.

Has McCain given up?

Conservatives seem to think so.

They hate the choice of Sarah Palin. Hate it with passion and fire of 1,000 suns. Tim Pawlenty and Mitt Romney feel used. His age has just become a factor again (a.k.a. It's someone who was mayor of a tiny Alaskan town not more than two years ago, and McCain has a 1 in 3 shot of not making it two terms). And you know what? The inexperience of Obama, such as it is also goes out the window. All politics is local, but the Mishagoes of South Ossetia are a whole other animal than Wasilla, Alaska.

But I'll call it like I see it. It's a cynical play to regain some of that Maverick luster that he once had. It would be an inspired choice, if she wasn't so flawed in the vetting process. And no, I'm not talking about inexperience. I'm not even talking about her James Dobson sort of Republicanism, which only an idiot Democrat would support.

It's been proven that she's attempted to use her political influence to fire an Alaskan State Trooper in a bitter custody fight with her sister.

An unethical Republican? I am shocked. SHOCKED!

And then I go classy again...

Obama: We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. Passions fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. This, too, is part of America's promise -- the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.

I know there are those who dismiss such beliefs as happy talk. They claim that our insistence on something larger, something firmer and more honest in our public life is just a Trojan Horse for higher taxes and the abandonment of traditional values. And that's to be expected. Because if you don't have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare the voters. If you don't have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.

You make a big election about small things.

I posted a YouTube video from a One-Hit Wonder...

And you liked it.



Perhaps.

Okay...Here's the Deal...

I'm going to liveblog the Obama speech in this space below. It's going to either be hopeful and excellent or start me having to listen and agree with Elvi Patterson's protestations that he needs to go to Canada.

But it's not for another 90 minutes...enjoy your football or reality programming.

Why Elvi Patterson is a good tag team partner...

Or was? I dunno. Anyway, I occassionally flip through Attack of the Show. Because it's occassionally brilliant. Anyway, there was a clip from YouTube that they aired today on their around the net. It was a loop of a rhyme "Interior Crocodile Alligator, I drive a chevorlet movie theater."

The greatest rhyme ever, am I right? It made #2 on their Around the Net. And clearly, they just discovered it recently. And it does deserve to be shared with the world.

That being said? Elvi Patterson found the magic 9 weeks before they did.

Please come home. Your YouTube skills are too mad.

I don't believe this...

Especially after last years farcical interview with Kissing Suzy Kolber's Big Daddy Drew. But on the heels of this years NFL Season? I actually managed to score an interview with Drew Margary.

And if you're asking if that's Big Daddy Drew, yes. Yes it is.


That's not him, though.

Thanks for taking the time out to do this interview.
Thanks. Happy to be here.

So, could you tell us about your new book, Men With Balls?
It's going to be the greatest book of all time. Did you reserve your copy?

No.
Why not?

I don't want to talk about it.
Are you poor?

...Yes.

(At this point, there's about 30 seconds of awkward silence as I count my money. 45 dollars and seven cents.)

So, if you find yourself on a Minnesota Vikings Booze Cruise, whose salad would you toss first?
Purple Jesus, if Bryant McKinnie didn't get to me first.

Wouldn't you be afraid of your tongue breaking something?
No.

As for fantasy football, who's your sleeper?
You didn't read my post?

No?
You dick.

Wait, I've got one more question! One more--
What?

Did you discover a meal between brunch and lunch?

Well?

Yeah. I would say that this interview is one of my greatest ever. Better than the Yacht Rock guy. Worse than Matt Fraction.

Thanks for taking the time out.

I love Football.

College Football especially. It rocks the party that rocks the body. Now, any of you loyalists know my last great WordPress post was in reference to reasons why you should love every team in college football. And yes, it is still cogent to the proceedings.

But that was for everybody, with the switch in providers and advertisements I am feeling a little more selfish in this day and age. This is for things I'm fired up about. The Grand National Championships proudly present...

The Ten things I am fired up for in college football.

1) Lou Holtz.

Yeah. Lou Holtz. His pep talks are a melange of avant garde bebop and a reminder of what once was at the Worldwide Leader. And now that college football is back? I can be entertained by a doddering old man.

Lee Corso never filled that void for me. Sadly.

2) Jeremy Maclin

Last year, as I was watching college football more and more, I found myself enjoying the works of Andre Woodson with a great regularity. But he graduated. Sands through the hourglass and whatnot.

So, in looking to bestow upon a new magician program for the game of college football, I have to go to Columbia. Not for Chase Daniel, even though he is awesome. Jeremy Maclin is my pick to click.



He shall hit home runs and it shall be good.

3) The inexplicably bad non-conference match-up!

Some of you may find these to be nothing more than irrelevant jokes. Not me. These are where we get to see the future of teams...today! You might look upon a West Virginia-Villanova matchup with scorn and derision. I look at it as a way to see if Jarrett Brown can be the heir apparent.

And of course, after last year, everybody's going to be agog to see if a big school can't get chopped down by a FBS squad. Fact is? Unless you're at the level of a Minnesota? I wouldn't worry. Appy State isn't gonna break off a piece of Les Miles.

4) The Tim Tebow Photo!


YAY!

5) New Rivalries!

Sure, we all know that the SEC is fierce. We all know Michigan and Ohio State roll up on each other like Boo, motherfucker! But you know what? That's not the whole story. Not by a longshot.

The game of Week 1 and the game that I am sufficiently hyped for is a perfect example. You have two high-powered offenses in Illinois and Missouri (Maclin!) You have two Heisman candidates in Juice Williams and Chase Daniel. You have passing attacks for the glory with Arrelious Benn and and Maclin/Chase Coffman. You and I know that points are going to be scored.

The only question? Who you got at running back? Daniel Dufrense or Jimmy Jackson. I pick Dufrense, if only because he reminds me of Mitch Hedberg.

6) The #1 cursed position in College Football?

The Oregon Quarterback. From Akili Smith to Nic Costa. They have had severe draft busts, severe knee injuries, and a general malaise about the quarterback play. Justin Roper and Darron Thomas better be afraid. Be very afraid.

7) The underrated match-up of week 1?

Rice-SMU. June Jones debut. Justin Willis versus Chase Clement. Jarrett Dillard versus the SMU defense. It was a 43-42 shootout last year. There's going to be an encore. And it will be fucking awesome to watch if you can see it. I see 90-100 points combined.

8) If you're looking for an upset?

Look to Greenville, North Carolina. Remember last year? How hyped up Blacksburg was? You remember the final score? No.

17-7. And it took a Macho Man Flying Interception Return to have it be that sound of a margin. Sure ECU lost Chris Johnson, but you know what? Skip Holtz is an awesome coach. Patrick Pickney is a dual threat. And Tyrod Taylor can't save them this time.

So? ECU 13 Va Tech 10.

9) My team accepts no challenges...

Except for an inexplicable trip to Fresno State.

10) Are you ready for the football?

I have a pennant race to deal with, so I am not copletely ready.

So, you know what?

I fell out of love hard with my Fantasy Football team last year. I fell out of love with Fantasy Football too. But you know what the problem was? I was too shitty to not land a good running back. That's 2007.

2008? In 2008 my team became patriotic. And in 2008? My team might hopefully be good. And seeing nothing in my head? I'll explain my situation.

Quarterbacks:

Ben Roethlisberger: The fifth round quarterback who was 1) The last quarterback on the second tier. 2) In a system where you need a good quarterback to have a shot. 3) A quarterback too dumb to know that he was facing such a sadistic schedule.

Matt Schaub: If he and Andre Johnson last 16 games? Matt Schaub will be a worthy starter. For a 10th-round draft pick? He's fine value.

Running Backs

LaDainian Tomlinson: Lucky for me, the team with the #1 pick had Purple Jesus as a lone highlight from last season. So, I drafted Tomlinson with a pensive confidence. Obvious decision is obvious.

Brandon Jacobs: Now, this is the pick that could cause me some consternation. Multiple talented back-ups, a bit of the injury prone. Passing on Drew Brees or Andre Johnson. But you know what? If he gets 10 scores, none of that matters.

Willis McGahee: Yeah, the Ravens seem lame offensively. But you know what? Cam Cameron has made plenty of bad offenses have stud running backs. Shit, Ronnie Brown had 1000 yards of total offense in 7 games. And McGahee seems better, right?

Ray Rice: Obvious handcuff is obvious.

LaMont Jordan: If 2007 was any indication, The Patriots don't want Maroney to poud the rock on the goal line. Sammy Morris had all the goal line touches in 2007. And considering that Jordan is now an ex-Raider, his skills are much better. Even if he's merely a vulture/back-up.

Wide Receivers

Santonio Holmes: Best receiver available in round four and oh my God he's in his 3rd season, isn't he? There's interesting potential there.

Dwayne Bowe: Best case? He has double figure TD's on the rare occasions that they actually need to go to the goal line. Worst case? The truth is adjusted and he's really Michael Clayton.

Anthony Gonzalez: Marvin Harrison is a broken man. I sincerely believe that he will be the #2 and get more stats than Marhar Superstar.

Santana Moss: Best case scenario? I only have to use him when they play the Rams. Worst case scenario? He's still a #1 receiver. And a west coast offense may make him interesting.

Josh Morgan: Home run swing who's most likely to get cut for a bye-week replacement.

Tight Ends

Tony Scheffler: Obvious breakout candidate is obvious.

Zach Miller: By default, he is the #1 receiver in Oakland. Young quarterbacks rely on their tight ends. He's got a shot at 150 targets.

Defense

Seattle Seahawks: Best value when I went to draft them. They're imperfect, but they'll win you a game or two. This teams tigerstyle is solid. In the 12th round? It works.

Kicker

Mike Nugent: I was going to take Brandon Coutu here, but as the rumors went, Holmgren is going to idiotically take Olindo Mare as his kicker. And seeing as I would draft in the 16th round? I took the best kicker available.

All in all? Brandon Jacobs and my two starting receivers are the keys. If they do what I expect. (Which is solidly.) I'm fine.

If not? I apologize in advance. Sorry.

Hey kids, I have to tell you something...

Keep your eyes peeled to Bus Leagues Baseball. There's a big project that I've spent 5 days on. It's taken blood, sweat, and tears for me to achieve. The Brewers farm system has been a lot more tragedy than triumph...

But perhaps I've said too much?

Denise Richards Colon

It's cancelled...

Alas...it is truly better to be famous and disappear than never be famous at all? Right?

Hey Blogfrica?

I've got a question for you. Let's be honest. I know my part in the community has been lackluster as of late. But I'll have to ask.

Why are we listening to Chris Mortensen as a valid source of NFL Reporting? You know what he's reported correctly of any consequence in recent memory? Brett Favre has an itch to play football again. That's it.

You know how hard that is to parse? And that was even after he said that it was a lock that Favre was done for cripes sake. But you know what? You all are reporting on what he says like it's gospel. And guess what? If seemingly reputable sources on these here internets keep taking their cues from Chris Mortensen, he will keep making shit up.

Hell, I could make up a better rumor than he could. Watch.

Sources close to the Grand National Championships in the Oakland Bureau say that this year Zach Miller has a real chance to become Oakland's #1 receiving option with Drew Carter's injury and Javon Walker's general incompetence. The coaching staff is expecting Miller to be targeted around 150 times during the season.

Really. No idea if this is true. For all I know Ronald Curry is tearing his achilles for a third time at the anticipation of finally being the #1 receiver. But in those 30 seconds? I just outplayed Chris Mortensen.

This is why I am asking you, my Blogfrican brethren. Stop. Stop reporting on Chris Mortensen's fucking around. Stop treating him like he's the Mortensen of the early 90's where you learned more in the three minute segments of Inside the Huddle than you would in an entire hour of an NFL Studio Show.

His "breaking news" is nothing more than yellow journalism that you would find on page six of a dirt sheet like the New York Post. And we need to have a moratorium on reporting on him.

He's just awful.

Ted Kennedy may be a lot of things...

After all, he was an easy target for many years for people whom wanted to crack wise. That being said? His skills with the oratory have always been masterful. And I wanted to tell you where I was yesterday, so...



It's a grinders game in August.

Holy Crap? Mike Cameron is hitting .257?!?

That's like a normal baseball dude hitting .300!

In all honesty? If the Brewers have no chance at Mr. Sabathia. He's gonna be back.

And if you like the Venture Brothers, you are my friend...

The Venture Brothers are the best show on television.

Never heard of it? It's okay. It's on Adult Swim. You can find it somewhere. They won't disappear it straight away.

What's it about? It chronicles the adventures of two dopey teenage boys, Hank and Dean Venture, their emotionally insecure super-scientist father Dr. Thaddeus "Rusty" Venture, and the family bodyguard, secret agent Brock Samson. And it's spectacular.

Why? Because most every episode is a 22 minute ride that you can enjoy and not have to have seen previous a previous minute. The jokes are excellent and salient to the story in most instances. And it has the whiz-bang action that other comedy shows just cannot provide.

It is as if Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer combined delicious chicken, swiss cheese, mentally retarded Hardy Boys and kick ass into the greatest meal ever. And if you like this, you are my friend.

Joe Biden is your Vice President Candidate in for the Hot Tag...

Is it a good pick? Yeah. Is it a great pick? No.

It's a wild card. For every perceived strength, it can be used as a weakness. Look it his experience. For a canidate running as a Maverick outsider, he chose a Senator in office over half his life. That's change you can believe in. For his foreign policy bonafides, ther's the fact he voted for the Iraq War. For every a noun, a verb, and 9/11, there's a clean well spoken Black man.

Nevertheless? Considering McCain's probable VP choice, this means a debate win for Biden. Also, if the tea leaves are true, Obama's shifting toward the Economy. OMG MCCAIN DOESN'T KNOW I'M INSIDE HIS HOUSE!

Put it this way. He's charismatic. He's full of piss and vinegar. And he just may be able to charm the pants off the punditocracy.

He may not be a better class of Vice Presidential Candidate, but in an elction like this? He may actually get votes. Victory for the Dems? No. Not going to say that.

But the momentum has definitely shifted

Yeah...

I know, I'm playing blogger like shit. If it comes down to it, I'll review my fantasy football draft tomorrow.

A few thoughts...

1) Kentucky is going to find a quarterback who can be Andre Woodson by 2012. Which is good, because the world's gonna end.
2) Kregg Lumpkin runs hard and runs decisively. He may yet be a sleeper.
3) Several injuries of starterworthy Packers do disappoint.

Also? Baron Von Raschke makes everything worse.

What? It's draft week.

I have no tag team partner. I have a fantasy draft in which I am trying to strike a balance in-between thinking Malcolm Kelly is a sleeper and seeing if Ray Rice could fall to the 10th round when I draft Willis McGahee to start my third round. Nothing is inspiring me. Andrew Bogut is a man with a bad ankle, and the difference between 31 wins and 22.

I have an idea on how Joe Biden can be the perfect pick for Obama. I have an idea that could sink the tag team partnership, such as it is. And I am going to do some stuff at EC in the next week.

One post is going to be really awesome. I promise.

If I come later. I come correct.

The Mavericks re-signed Devean George?

Really? The man best known for being the only Division III 1st Round draft choice in forever and then doing nothing until blocking Mark Cuban's dreams of destroying his team by trading for Jason Kidd? And now he's back?

Cubes, aren't you too rich for this shit? You need a tiny man from Augsburg ruining your day? You're trying to destroy the rivalry between the Cubs and Brewers. Or Cardinals. The vicisitudes of a back-up wing forward should not cross your shit up.

But you want the familiar? Okay. Fine.

It's still a dumbass move.

Are there any Free Agents worth having?

Remember when the NBA Free Agency Wire got rolling? That was fun. There were seismic shifts and I was talking basketball with a drunken shamelessness. But now? It's a week before I rise up and kick a little ass for the USA, and the Free Agency wire has been picked mostly clean. Is there value to be had?

Kind of.

Sure, you could make an offer on Dorell Wright or J.R. Smith but they're likely to get matched or get gone. And Ben Gordon could laugh your Mid Level Exception off the table. But among the unrestricted, who's worth your time? I will attempt to find you the best of the junk drawer.

1) Bonzi Wells
Flaws: Poor conditioning, consistency, and has baggage.

However? He can do pretty much everything with the basketball, and is a pretty fierce defender. At 6'5", he can do some wonderful things offensively in the low post. He really is a 2-guard swiss army knife. And if he'd take the Mid-level exception? He'd make some team really lucky to have him.

2) Kirk Snyder
Flaws: Inconsistent, with a shaky jumper.

However? His all-around game is decent, and his defensive skills are delveloping. He has the strength and athleticism to develop into something special. After all, he's been traded three times before he turned 25. It's not as if you're the worst 2 in the world if three teams have wanted you. Unless it's because they wanted to get rid of you? After all, why else is he here?

3) Shaun Livingston
Flaws: His knee. Long range shooting, strength.

However? If he's healthy, he has excellent point guard skill. Great vision. Great handles. He takes care of the ball. If he's healthy, he has uncoachable skills and skills that a bad knee doesn't exactly take away from. But as appearances go? He may be looking at a tragic Jay Williams in the mirror.

4) Quinton Ross
Flaws: Offensive game.

However? If you want a defensive stopper at the 2? You want Quin-ton. He's a great rebounder for his size, and he can stop many opposing two guards. Quite frankly, and this is the homer in me talking, I want this guy as a Buck. I know that's a virtual impossibility, but he's a glue guy. Anybody who wishes to contend, needs a glue guy.

5) Jamaal Magloire
Flaws: Ego.

However? If you want a center who won't make you look stupid, Magloire can be your hero. He's an aggresive defender with a good wingspan who may find himself getting disappeared like he was Nazr Mohammed or something. He has passable skills on the offensive side of the ball, and could be a 12-8 guy if pressed to start. He shouldn't be done.

Now, considering Cleveland's guard situation, Delonte West could be yours if you're in desperate need of a point guard. But unless Miami and Cleveland decide to sign and trade West for Wright, Delonte may be facing a truly Russian experience.

But that's just me. What do you think about who's left?

A long time ago, in a book far far away...

Will Leitch told a heartwarming story of how Willie McGee was the first black man that he met. It's a comedic story. But there is a subtext here.

For the young and the lazy, the small town rednecks and ignorants, sports can provide an opportunity for empathy toward others. I mean it. It may sound stupid, polyannish, or whatever, but it's true.

Funny story. I've only met two Mormon's in my life. One of them is a Mormon family who lived in town when I was younger. The other?


COACH SAYS THROW IT TO THE WHITE GUY!

Yes, that's right. Heisman Trophy Winner Ty Detmer is my Mormon Friend. And yes, I was bigger than him when I met him. In 1992.

Nevertheless, I do not have the hang-ups that a Mitt Romney vice presidency could entail. At least none of Mike Huckabee's hang-ups. Seriously, look it up. It makes a liberal's heart warm.

But this is why the NBA has made a mistake. Sure, Hamed Haddadi may be nothing more than a non-jumping backup center, but you know what? He could make somebody who's listening to those whom are afraid of whatever threat Iran poses take a second look.

He's not a shady businessman, he's not a man running a school. He's just a basketballer. And while there has been an exodus, America still has the best basketball in the world.

David Stern needs to fight for him.

B.J, Upton is turning into Gary Sheffield right before our eyes...

I tried. I really did.

But I've got other things to worry about. Ryan Braun's got issues.

More later.

Andre Ethier makes me feel bad about myself and others...

A 4 run rally to tie the game? Don't you know what that means? That means the Brewers win the game!

You win the rally! You win the game!



You're not playing fair!

I know Pre-Season means little. I do.

But I can get excited by its results. I remember last year. The Green Bay Packers put 56 up on Seattle. I was excited.

I called Chris Plank and said, I'm excited!

And you know what? It was something that was proven proper. The Packers were an exciting squad. They made magic. They made whimsy.

That being said, how could the Packers score 6 on the Niners? And how could they put up 34? I know, I'm one who's saying J.T. O'Sullivan will be inexplicably awesome. I know, Josh Morgan is the Prem Treveti of sleeper receivers.

But I'm scared. This is a bad omen. Bad bad omen.

Hey B.J.?

Can I ask you a question? Really. Just one. Then I'll leave you be.

What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck are you doing not hustling? You have a team that needs B.J. Upton to be at his most magical, and you can't be bothered to go at a level above a mosey?

That is wrong on so many levels. One, you're gonna get Cork Gaines mad at me. I can't have that on my conscience. He writes for MLB Trade Rumors, or did at one point. That means he's better than me!

Two, you know what this is? This is perpetuating stereotypes. Do you want the ALCU after you? What about Jesse Jackson? He will cut your nuts off! Do you want Carlos Mencia in blackface, sir?

You are one step away from Carlos Mencia doing a sketch about you. It's a lazy black dude. You're right in somebody else's wheelhouse of unfunny. You are on the level of the Asian who would ask if you want Flied Lice. That's just uncool.

Now, I know this is a probable detour. After all, you are still Bossman Junior. And unlike Chris Penn, this means you have all the potential to avoid being running buddies with Michael Madsen. But if you do not straighten up and fly right, mister...



You're looking at an unhappy itenerant future where no one likes you and you blame everything on the Latinos. Do you want that?

Of course you don't.

Hey, look what I did...

So, if you remember my days at Epic Carnival, I'm surprised. I wasn't very memorable, and I hit about .200 during my time at the place. But as voltron blogs go, Epic Carnival's roster is more fluid than a dying dictatorship (The Blog of Hilarity is Youri Andropov). And those whom bridges I may have burned? They're long gone.

Boring backstory aside, Jarrod Washburn didn't get dealt for Boof Bonser. I went wild. Is good for you to read. So read it please.

Seattle Needs Heroes

I was tinkering with the ESPN Trade Machine...

And I hit upon a deal, genius in its simplicity, that would help both teams involved. Yes it is a thought exercise. But it's noble thoughts. It's from the heart. I want to see the deal succeed.

The only question? Do you believe Vinny Del Negro can get creative?

See, the move that is the smart move, at least for one team, is for the Miami Heat to call up the Bulls and ask for Hinrich and Nocioni for Shawn Marion. See, why this deal works so well is that you're able to add two solid pieces to the puzzle if you're the Miami Heat. You can build a team that, in the Eastern conference? Can be a playoff team.

A 1-4 of Hinrich/Wade/Nocioni/Beasley can do a lot of things. If the #2 stays healthy. In the East? You could put the immortal Paul Mokeski at center and still come up with a 7 seed.

But as for the Bulls? The Matrix is a stickier wicket. The Matrix is a stud who can be beneficial at three positions. But do the Bulls really want the Matrix as a full time four?

Yeah, probably not.

BYE!

HAVE A FURR-IOUS NIGHT!

Also...for the kids...GET CRUNK Y'ALL!!!

CC Sabathia for the NL Young Award?

Yes.

7-0, 1.55 ERA, with 60 K in 64 IP?

GIVE IT TO THE MAN! JUST DO IT! COME ON!

Please?

Umm...Mo Williams doesn't suck.

He's not an all-star by any stretch of the imagination, but he's a Platinum Daniel Gibson. He does what Boobie does, and he can distribute as well. He's a very good second option.

And the Bucks got even more boring in the process. I mean, the Bucks also dump off high-flier Desmond Mason to the OKC Thunder. And that's okay. He's essentially ballast with Jefferson, Alexander, and Mbah a Moute. He's a local Oklahoma City!

But guess what the Bucks got. Via Hoops Hype.

Luke Ridnour: Positives: Excellent shooter. Great passer/distributor. He excels in the transition game. And has quick hands. Negatives: He's weak and has no grit.

He'll be the starting point guard. For a while. Skiles is gonna wax and wane on his point guard, And Luke Ridnour, despite his being white, is not gritty. Skiles will hate him in fits and starts.

Damon Jones: Positives: He's a combo guard! A good scorer and threat from beyond the arc. He takes good care of the ball. Negatives: Slow, a bad ballhandler, and he's not good under pressure.

12th man. Strictly here to get his salary dumped for next year. If you get a drive and kick point guard? He has value. However? The Bucks are not rich in that tiger style.

Adrian Griffin: Positives: Good on ball defender, and can Bruce Bowen his shit. Negatives: Not a scorer. (Which is an understatment. I beat him in a game of Horse.)

A Skiles guy. Which means I hate him. Also, he's an old, undersized Mbah a Moute. Which means I hate him more. Could be cut? Yes.

Do I want him cut? Yes.

Will he be cut? Hell no. He's a Skiles guy.

Yeah. A point guard who may be a step down from Williams, and two spare parts. That's not cool. Not by any stretch.

Some brief Hoops thoughts...

A couple of moves have caught my eye as intriguing. Sure, they're small moves. Not much more than agate type in this day and age. But they are both key to improving their team.

The Hawks sign G Ronald "Flip" Murray

It is often said that luck is where timing meets opportunity. Well, in another world, Ronald Murray was the NBA Draft Guide comparison to Eric Gordon. They're both excellent scorers with a good ability to create their shot. They both have good handles, even if no one would make the claim that they need to play the point. But they are a tad undersized at the two.

Now, don't let me say that this is a claim that the Hawks need to go with a Johnson-Smith-Horford frontcourt. However? They are now seven deep before they have to start with the hope and faith and spare parts. This is stealthy good.

The Suns sign G Goran Dragic

Ever since FreeDarko mentioned Dragon Magic in concert with Goran? I was on board. Until the Spurs drafted him. But then? The Suns made a trade!

And the bandwagon was back on. But the fact is? If anybody fit the Spur ethos, it's Dragic. He's a fierce defender. He'll get a little dirty. But he's not a shooter. However, the point guards aren't required to be slick shooters. And he also does not have to be ready this year.

The Suns have pointmen that will have him ready to run when his time comes. Paying a little from the MLE was actually half-savvy from Steve Kerr...

Run! Steve Kerr didn't do something stupid!

20 Things I Believe...with no empirical reason to do so.

I'm bored. You bored? Yeah. It is a slow news day. So you know what? I am going to list 100 things that are true...that I can't prove. So, conspiracies, gossip, rumors, half-truths? Welcome. This is where you will live.

1. You know how the Bush administration paid columnists like Armstrong Williams to hype their talking points? Well they did. But they did not catch them all. Yes, I'm looking at Elizabeth from The View. She's a phony!
2. The other player to be named later in the Adam Dunn deal? Chad Tracy. He'll go back to his super-utility role.
3. Video Games are the greatest bane to productivity. Ask a dude who's still working on his Madden 2006 Dynasty. OMG JOSH GOINS NO WAY!
4. Ramon Sessions is going to be the reason Scott Skiles gets fired. (And I'll talk about the trade soon.)
5. Ben Gordon is in that weird place. He's overrated and underrated at the same time. He's got Eric Gordon style skills. And yet? The Bulls have seemingly no use for that scorer.
6. If Ben Gordon goes, any comparison of him with Josh Childress will be moot. It's subjective. You want intelligent versatility or an ability to put the biscuit in the basket? You can't really prove one better.
7. But it will be Josh Childress. I like the afro.
8. People I inexplicably like if you're playing fantasy football the first? J.T. O'Sullivan.
9. Paul Byrd is made of desperate plug-in. Hold on D-Rays.
10. The Tampa Bay Rays should bring American Hero Aubrey Huff. He could fill one of the holes cheapishly.
11. Jose Calderon is my least favorite player in the NBA. Not because he hates Asians...but because he's a hack. Next he'll tell you he likes Flied Lice. GET IT?!?!
12. The XBox 360 ruined the works of Brian Michael Bendis.
13. Dan Didio is bad for comics.
14. Joel Zumaya is about to become nothing more than Nick Neugebauer. (Big power arm who just can't stay healthy.)
15. And Gary Sheffield has ran himself out of another city. Milwaukee, San Diego, Florida, Los Angeles, Atlanta, and New York.
16. Rush Limbaugh is built to say outrageous things to trip up our shit. He's useless, and his listeners are useless. They don't want to be better, they just want to wallow in their own crapulence.
17. The Democratic Congress has been just as bad as its Republican counterparts.
18. The Dark Knight is this generations The Godfather.
19. John C. Reilley will win a best supporting actor Oscar, when he and Ferrell stop fucking around and start getting serious.
20. Dairy Queen's tie in to The Dark Knight has pieces of Heath in it...

Think about that last one...

Drew

My Tag Team Partner and I get Olympic fever...

Or not...

Brainlesselvi77: here we go swimming! here we go! unf unf!
me: dude
your enthusiasm baffles me
Brainlesselvi77: yea well your enthusiasm for FOOTBALL NOW! is baffling
Sent at 9:20 PM on Tuesday
me: ARE YOU RACIST?
Brainlesselvi77: nope
me: DO YOU LIKE SWIMMING BECAUSE THE BLACKS CAN'T DO IT
Brainlesselvi77: cullen jones bitch
me: WHO
Brainlesselvi77: gold medalist for USA
also african american
BOO YAH!
me: COME ON
Brainlesselvi77: he won it two days ago
me: NOT MICHAEL PHELPS IS A WHITE GUY
Brainlesselvi77: YES!
ANOTHER WORLD RECORD
THE STACHE OF SPITZ MUST BOW DOWN TO THE PHELPS 66!
Sent at 9:23 PM on Tuesday
me: next thing you'll tell me
is that gymnasts have breasts
Brainlesselvi77: WELL the ones that are over 18 do
Sent at 9:25 PM on Tuesday
Brainlesselvi77: dude..the chinese are so underaged
Sent at 9:31 PM on Tuesday
me: seriously
blog about it
Brainlesselvi77: nah
I'm too busy getting awesome
me: you are bugging me with Olypic fever
Brainlesselvi77: YOU ARE BUGGING ME WITH NO OLYMPIC FEVER! OR FEVOR
Sent at 9:34 PM on Tuesday
me: USA BEAT ANGOLA?
STOP ME WHEN I GIVE A FUCK!
Brainlesselvi77: dude..noone cares about "redeem team"
me: A SWIMMER?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Brainlesselvi77: swimming is awesome
and you can fuck off because I just ordered fucking awesome
me: WHAT?
I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE CAMERA ANGLES THAT TELL ME NOTHING ABOUT WHO'S WINNING
Brainlesselvi77: oh i'm sorry...BITCHES DON'T KNOW BOUT MY BOOK IT!
Sent at 9:40 PM on Tuesday
me: now look what you made me do

Advice to the Tampa Bay Fan...

Hey there Rays fan. Feelin' blue? I've been there. My baseball team had a similar experience in 2007. It shocked the world for four months. And it was at its best without young studs Ryan Braun and Yovani Gallardo.

But alas, the 300 million dollars the Cubs spent coalesced into a team that was above marginal, and several Brewers fell back to earth. We had a taste of the sweet life. And we had it slapped out of our hands.

And you know what? The Cubs looked better than the Brewers when the season started this year. And after Gallardo tore his knee up? I admittedly gave the division up. Ask Elvi. Or OMDQ.

So you know what this means? I've been where you are. The furtive glances. The pensive excitement. Living and dying day to day for the playoff run. Gnashing and wailing as our stars get injured.

And you know what? I know what Carl Crawford and Evan Longoria hitting the disabled list means. I know how you're in a bad place right now. If this be the end of the magic of the Rays? As a Brewer fan? I will tell you how to cope.

Step 1? Engage your basest vices.

Put it simply? Do the smallest thing that makes you happy. If it involves drunkenness? Go for it! If it involves an attractive person and various brushes, fingers, hands, or vegetables? Mazel tov!

I shall put a picture here befitting our major demographic for this purpose. Because we're helpful.



Step 2? Hire Sinbad!

If a major league baseball team is feeling town? They find somebody to lighten the mood and make with the comedy. Now, you are not baseballers with the resources to hire someone like Steve Schrippa or Roger McDowell. You are fans. But that doesn't mean you're stuck with mere Jollytologists or bargains like Alan Page.

You've got to live a little. You've got to spend some money. And you don't need to pay for Jessica Simspon either. Sinbad is the sweet spot in terms of cost to benefit analysis. And he'll even let you play Paul Blake to his Andre Krimm!

Take it from us! A part-ay with Sinbad is something unforgettable!

Step 3? Let other sports wash over you.

Now, you have a strong football team in Tampa. It has the look of a team on the way up. So long as the veterans stay strong? You have a distraction. Playoff teams in other sports? They are medicinal. Flat out.

And I don't think South Florida's got the swagger to be dominant. Just saying.

Step 4? Irrationally fear a slow start.

You're in a division where there are two teams that will pay any amount of money for anybody. And you will be stuck trying to make savvy plays in the bargain bin. And you may end up with Eric Gagne in your patchwork bullpen. (Sorry.)

You may be in the middle of May, 18-24, with rumors of a shake-up happening. Don't worry. The cream always rises to the crop. And if Carl Crawford's option is pick-ed up, you'll have a magic team.

Step 5? The Deadline deal.

Now, the odds are that your only option for another starter is Erik Bedard. Don't laugh, pitching depth is a very fungible entity. That being said? You need to make a deal for the seeming finqal piece of the puzzle. Could it be Matt Holliday?

Yes. Let's start the rumor here. Tampa will be rolling out a package for Matt Holliday next July. David Price will not be included. Jeff Niemann on the other hand?

Listen, this may be meaningless. I hope it is. However? The shocking of the world in 2007 had to be put on hold when pitching star Ben Sheets went down.

You have two excellent hitters on the DL. The Red Sox are always the annoying Red Sox. And if you fall? This five part plan shall give you a second chance to make a first impression.

We love the Rays too.

Love,

Wisconsin

And this is why there are issues with the X-Men...

Because white people are posing drunkenly. It's a menace!

Reasons why Ned Yost is an idiot...

You have Jason Kendall, who's not a great catcher in many metrics. And you've played him every day since the All-Star break. And did I mention he sucks? Because he does.

And you have a back-up who's collecting dust. Mike Rivera. A little lesser on defense. But his offense is actually good. He brings more than a groundout to the table.

Why am I mentioning this? Because Mike Rivera just saved Eric Gagne's shitty ass.

It's 4-4. And Torres just walked a dude.

Sentences on sports...

In sports, it has been a slow news weekend. Elvi's hype for the Olympics, but he does not make many posts here. I, however? I cannot get hype.

And when I have many half-ideas going through my head? I go all tangential.

So let's clean my head out, eh?

1. The Milwaukee Bucks officially sign Fransisco Elson. The Bucks lead the league in backup Dutch Centers. Elson is a high-energy defensive back-up. He could have a Zaza Pachulia style impact in Milwaukee.
2. Matt Sanchez hurts his knee doing a low-impact warm-up designed to get your hips warmed up. Mitch Mustain is your USC quarterback. He is Shiva the destroyer.
3. John Beck is as good as gone in Miami...and considering that he was on the single worst team in the decade as a rookie? It may be too soon.
4. Byron Leftwich and Daunte Culpepper signed by Pittsburgh? Multiple possibilities here. A) Charlie Batch's injury is more severe than initially thought. B) Dennis Dixon is going to be a receiver. C) Someone's career is going to be over come September.
5. Personally, Byron Leftwich still has something in the tank. Culpepper got by on his athleticism.
6. Eric Gagne! Motherfucking Cocksucker blew a game to the Nationals! The Goddamn Nationals!
7. There's a similarity between Brett Favre and disgraced manwhore John Edwards. I may explore it further. I may not. I'm still cranky in reference to Gagne.
8. And Prince Fielder freaking laid down a bunt! What the hell?!?

We Love Redemption In Sports...

We do. Comebacks are freaking awesome. And as Carlos Pena and Steve Stricker will tell you, people will force the issue to donate redemption to the masses. But the question is, who should we be looking at for a shot at redemption in 2008-2009?

1) Shaun Livingston...Free Agent Point Guard

Why? It may be something more for 2010-2011, but here's the thing. The teams in the market for a Point Guard are few and far between. But one of them is Phoenix. And we all know that Robert Sarver is an owner that's piledriving a team of excellence and turning it to shit. But here's the thing. If they sign Livingston? They get a point guard that's still not 23 yet.

Also? He will learn at the feet of a great point guard of the 80's and the best point guard of this decade. Sure, he's still an unknown entity. But his distributional skills haven't disappeared. He goes to Phoenix, he can become a top prospect again.

2) Ryan Perriloux (QB) Jacksonville State

Now, I know that he has had adventures in stupidity on the Bayou. But he's not the first, and he won't be the last. And here he is at a crossroads. His physical gifts are spectacular. He is a mobile quarterback who had success in the greatest conference of all time.

I'm not saying this as a dig on the Ohio Valley Conference, but the fact is, he's got a shot to be Randy Moss. His gifts are dynamic, and if he doesn't fuck around? He'll be in an NFL Camp. If not?

Met Reggie McNeal 2.0.

I'm sure you can think of other athletes with a shot at redemption. If you are so inclined, I'll be happy to hear who you got with a chance to be the next Josh Hamilton.

AND FUCK CHAD PENNINGTON IN HIS STUPID HICK ASS!!!

ENJOY THE SHITHOLE OF THE NFL YOU BITCH!!!

They gave Iron Ref to Brian Bassett...

It's not like I was gonna win anyway, but like I needed another reason to dislike the Jets.

Waiting for Next Year's Scott Sargent is good people. Visit the blog for some good ol' Cleveburg angst.

If the Hawks let Josh Smith go?

The Memphis Grizzlies signed my American Basketball Hero to an offer sheet at 5/58. If the pre-Hot Stove Rumors are true? The Young Mr. Smith has signed an offer sheet for just beyond what the Hawks were willing to pay. And you know what?

If the Hawks let him go with no return, they should be contracted.

Now, I'm coming to this as a Bucks fan. (And we got Fransisco Elson y'all!) I admit that mental retardation has been something the Senior Senator from Wisconsin has been accused of on multiple occasions in his running of the Bucks. But the fact of the matter?

Josh Smith's three position mastery is something that makes the Hawks great. Team him with Joe Johnson and you have enough workmanship on the 2/3/4 that magic gets made. Add Al Horford and what's left of Mike Bibby and there's legitimate excitement in Atlanta regarding pro basketball for the first time since, well, ever.

They got to Game 7 with Boston. And they have a pretty good nucleus to build on this fact. However? It's Atlanta. The ownership is mediocre (and in the NBA that means shitty). They could be hell bent in turning this team into a modern day Spirits of St. Louis.

I'll be honest, this team has a potential to shock the world. Look at it this way, Bibby/Johnson/Smith/Horford/Pachulia can start some shit. Acie Law, Randolph Morris, and Marvin Williams are the potential that still could become solid starters. Add Maurice Evans and Solomon Jones to the proceedings? And it's all good.

They just need to spend 3 million dollars to do it.

UPDATE: Those of you that have been here know that I get hyperbolic when it comes to a team lead by Josh Smith. After all they did lose Josh Childress. To Greece. Paul Shirley knows their payments are dodgy.

And he'd rather go there than Atlanta.

Nevertheless, Frenemy of Blog Lang Whitaker reports that the deal is done. I just peed a little.

It is time...

Animal Planet is doing awesome! It's Puppy Games! Yeah!

I strongly dislike Cubs fans...

They are just as obnoxious as sports fans in the tri-state area northeastward. Seriously, those kids in Onoro get violent. Anyway, you've heard the stories of the Cubs fans beating the crap out of a dude who threw a red bull at their tour bus. You've heard stories of the Cub fans who cost a Sox fan an eye, at a birthday party for a two year old. And yes, at this point, you've probably heard the story I'm telling you.

But Elvi's a Cub fan. And he is guilty by association. These kids are classy.

Home Run Derby has the full story, but you know what?

The video of these class acts is here.



Yeah. Cubs fans are freaking awesome.

Hey, do you remember my story about the duality of sweatpants and bentleys?

Sure you do.

Well, you notice how I got assistance from a dude named Steven Ware? I have a twist. Well, irony. Well, the two plus two forums have another story to tell...

3-4 weeks ago I (Adam Richardson) responded to Steve's post to trade his cash for online. He said that he had several offers but that he wanted to trade with me "because he knew he wouldn't get ripped off". I offered to fly back to Vegas to do the trade, since he was offering cash at no vig and I needed to pick up my ME tourney cash anyway. He said that wouldn't be necessary-- he could deposit directly into my bank account, so I offered to send first since he seemed like a stand-up guy. I send $30,000 to his FTP account (TheMatadorKGB); he didn't reciprocate. He said that he didn't leave his room all day and that he'd deposit in the morning. Then he disappears for two days, ignoring PMs and text msgs. On the third day leaves a message on my cell saying "well I'm sure you probably guessed what happened..."

He PM'd saying that he's a complete ******* and degenerate and that he blew the $30K at Bellagio. Promised to make good as soon as he got back to New Jersey in a day or two. Disappears for another 2 days. I tell him to send the $30K back via FTP immediately. He says he can't b/c he lost it to "Boosted's luckbox."

Mostly he ignores my PMs asking him what he's doing to repay. When he does respond, he has said that he would:

(i) Borrow from friends
(ii) Borrow from family
(iii) Sell everything he owns
(iv) Repay via advance from his upcoming book
(v) Repay in a month and a half when he can sell some stock

He tells me he's "doing everything he can" but hasn't paid back anything, not even some small good faith amount, despite there being a branch of my bank literally within walking distance from his house.

What has Steve done since he ripped me off on July 15th?

-- Continued posting about those "thieving bastards at UB".

-- Posted some interesting(?) strategy threads in MTT (one , two)

-- Challenged stealthmunk to a minimum $250K HU 4 ROLLZ

-- Helped make some web comics

What now?
I set up a reasonable $2.5K/week payment plan. The deadline for the first payment was yesterday, which I extended to today because he PM'd that he was getting a loan from his brother-in-law. He said he'd be in touch today to tell me what happened either way. Banks just closed on the East Coast and there is no deposit from Steve. Unsurprisingly, he hasn't PM'd or texted all day.

I have told him more than once that I will not allow him to steal from my family. My hope is that making this public will expediate the repayment process, but either way I am confident that I will recover the money. (plus any money I spend recovering the money) I've held off saying anything or filing a police report because I don't need to ruin the guy's life for something stupid that he did. But we've come to the point where he's taken advantage of my goodwill.

In the end, I honestly don't think that Steve is a bad guy. He's a (self-admitted) degenerate gambler who made a pretty terrible decision. However, he continues to compound the problem by avoiding contact with me and burying his head in the sand. He asked me not to out him on 2+2, but has promised to pay back what he took regardless of whether or not I do which is sort of honorable(?)

Steve-- in a short while I'm going to involve both the authorities and my attorneys. In my letter I laid out exactly what this will mean for you; I'd urge you to avoid it at all costs.

If Steven ignores this advice, I invite everyone to follow along...

(Adding the following from Admo):Steve wanted these posts taken down which I might have temporarily agreed to if there weren't other people involved. If Steven Ware owes you money, can you PM with with:

(a) the amount
(b) the circumstances
(c) your contact info (cell and email)

If you don't want to send your info to me, that's fine but I can reasonably guarantee that you'll have a better chance of repayment if my attorneys are involved. They handled a similar case for me two years ago, Richardson v. Bealls if you want to look it up in San Diego Superiour Court log. I was awarded a judgement included all damages including attorney's fees.

I promise not to share any of your information with anyone else.
I promise to share all of Steve's information with you. (including SSN, driver's license, home address, etc.)

Feel free to send any additional information you have about Steve.

****
I've been in contact with Steve several times throughout the day. He is a bit overwhelmed but still promises to make good. Frankly he doesn't have much of a choice. He continues to make bad decisions but he knows that the minute he breaks communication with me again he stands a good chance of being arrested. (You'll have to trust me on the details.)

****It’s revealed Cornell figi also owes money to others

Admo-30K swap
JP OSU- 12K staking agreement
aufzuckerter $1850 wsop ticket

****Comes to light steve dropped a lot of money at Bobby's Room and supposedly the sports book. Schnieds and PokerBob were there to witness.

****Steve tried getting a stake to play o8 under false pretenses that Krantz was already in for 200k

****Steve may have lied about being hacked but there isn’t proof either way.

****Steve Ware asks admo to take down post and said that since he posted all of this that he has taken his ability to pay him back.

****Admo is 100% certain he will see his money and if it goes to court he will also see court fees from Steve.

****Admo tried to work out a generous payback plan but Steve refuses to deposit any money in Admos banking account even though there is a bank branch within walking distance from Steve.

Yep, Mr. Steven Ware got broke spending other peoples money. The self-styled iconoclast is nothing more than a degenerate. But that's what the poker boom did. Made a generation of college kids a bunch of degenerates.

And you know what? Adam Richardson's got his own degeneracies...

If he doesn't present an acceptable plan for repayment upon his return, he knows that I'm proceeding with criminal and civil actions, as well as launching StevenWareIsAThief.com which will contain our complete, unedited correspondence log. (There will be several prop bet opportunities for the armchair lawyers on what actions the various law enforcement agencies will take.)

Add that to offering anybody $20,000 that he's gonna get his money back?

This degeneracy is awesome.

So apparently, never mind my post below.

Because Brett Favre is a Jet. And the Packers are getting a progressive pick. And not Kellen Clemens.

Ah well...

IT'S OVER!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!!

So, you know what?

I hope the Packers get a quarterback in return when they trade for Favre. I really do.* This is not me saying that I do not believe in Aaron Rodgers. I do. I think he's got a much better chance to be decent than Favre does to be good.

That being said? There are at least three players in this respect that I wouldn't mind seeing in a Packer uniform. I shall rank them presently.

1. Kellen Clemens

But? You may ask yourself, didn't he suck last year? And admittedly, you would be right. He was in a bad way in New York. Coles and Cotchery were hurt. The line was crap. And the Jets were just awful. His first year was not great.

But you know what? Bad first full seasons are expected for most every quarterback. (UH OH!) Seriously, he's got the skills to be a good Jake Plummer. And with the Packers supporting cast? He could be awesome!

Odds of him actually coming? 100 to 1.

2. Josh Johnson

Josh Johnson is my Harvey Dent. I believe in Josh Johnson. I believe he can be a revolutionary force in quarterbacking entertainment. He dominated in passing in his Senior year in college. And he's got wheels that would make dreams of a Randall Cunningham comparison apt.

However? He's not getting dealt. He just isn't. Ah life.

3. Luke McCown

And yet? If you want a quarterback who could inexplicably get the Packers through an injury? Luke McCown is that guy. In streaks and spurts he is awesome. It's unexplainable. But it's true.

Odds of him getting dealt? 20 to 1 (And that's good.)

Now this is just a post from your boy dreaming of what could be. But I know a nightmare could come. And you know what that is?


WE GOT BRIAN GRIESE Y'ALL!!!

*Because when players get dealt? The NFL turns on its head.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears!

I am doing the Iron Ref Competition over at another fine sportsblog called Hugging Harold Reynolds, and quite frankly, I am getting my ass kicked. I wish to make this competition interesting. For the children.

So, if you all could please come here...

http://huggingharoldreynolds.blogspot.com/2008/08/game-on-iron-ref-round-6-ugly-play.html

And vote for Andrew because I had Jonathan Broxton take a spinning piledriver for your amusement. You don't need a blogger account. You don't even need an open ID. All you need to do is make the comment that you liked mine best.

I have my rally cap on, I believe in those who came over to read Blogspot Grand National Championships. Vote for me.

Please.

NOTE: About 100 Anonymous People rolled out and voted for Brian Bassett. I present this without comment.

I'll be honest...

I can't get hype for sports straight away today. Curtis Pulley's shit has got him kicked out of Lexington. Jannero Pargo's about to become the most hated back-up point guard in the NBA. Dave Bush played stopper and my local baseball team won. And of course, we faked our way into Iraq.

And Nancy Pelosi believes that the Bush administration deserves no punishment for their crime.

...Angry is not a way to blog effectively. I apologize. Look for me in the Hugging Harold Reynolds Iron Ref Competition coming to the internet tomorrow.

I hope to win.

BRB, CAR!

And I'd like to a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I nearly became bound to a wheelchair!

The Best Coach That More People Need To Know About...

Is not a hot-shot assistant, even though Mike Locksley is awesome. It's not the guy who's made Appalachian State the underdog darling. But you have to admit that Jerry Moore's become a bad ass in Boone. But that's not why we're here.



This is Henry Frazier III. He has grown up within the denziens of the HBCU community. He's one of the truly great coaches in Bowie State's history. But that's not his miracle. He's the head coach at Prairie View A&M. And you know what else?

He had a winning season last year. At Prairie View. The same school that went 86 games without a win. The same school that went over 30 years without a winning season. A school known more for it's academic alumni than it's athletic skill. He's got them all the way to 7-3.

And you know what? I think he can do better. The worst loss they had was a 12-2 defensive struggle vs. Southern. They had two other losses by a combined five points. In fact? Let's be honest.

Prairie View A&M could run the table. They've got 10 starters returning from the best defense in the SWAC. And their offense has 9 starters back as well. Yeah, Prairie View has a chance for a magical season.

And no team will interview him. This is college football in a nutshell. A coach can work miracles and he will get denied just because of the color of his skin.

Odds are he won't even sniff an interview. Shame.

English Comedy and the Packers...

What? These are similar? YES.

How so? I'm not in love with most of the genre. I know what it sounds like. The Green Bay Packers are a genre? It's melodrama.

The quarterback loves the team no more. And yet he's ready to come back. But wait! He's not! But Greta Van Sustren says otherwise.

And now Ari Fliescher! I guess the Packers are now offically fair and balanced. Yeah. Boo. That joke was bad.

Which brings us to English Comedy. We like Flight of the Conchords. We like Most of Simon Pegg's work. But good English Comedy is like good moments this Packers offseason.

Our 2nd pick is a third-stringer. Our offseason boiled down into as Brett Favre turns, and I'm not alone in being sick of it.

But you know what? My outrage has run out. I'm not gonna go oldboy on oldboy.

Going to Michigan

Be back late Sunday.

Bye!