Thank You CC

You could have stayed on 4 days rest. We would have understood. But you didn't. You took this team on your back. And you got us in here. Get us as far as you can. Get your money where you can. Wisconsin will always have your back.

Yeah, yeah, very funny...

But I'm not worried. The people try to fade me. But so long as the Brewers don't crap the bed against Angel Guzman? It'll be okay.

I promise. It'll be okay.

Oh hai dere!

OH Hai Guize, got nothing to play for, but i think we'll knock the brewers out of the wild card lead just for the lulz!

Eight thoughts on a day of College Football.

1) I really think I'm going to turn heel on the Badgers. They always do this. It's a team with lesser talent? Hey! Let's lose! We can't handle a BCS berth you guys! I told you all they were gonna get hit with a trap loss from a shitty team. And guess what? They did. I'm a lot more zen about the Brewers falling back into a tie.

2) Look at the Midshipmen developing some swagger. Sure, Rutgers was a bit of a down year. However? They went into Wake Forest and owned Riley Skinner. Navy may get to 8 or 9 wins this season.

3) If there was a tournament of the BCS shittiest teams? Virginia just cinched an invite. They would face Washington. Syracuse would face Washington State. Duke's had a good start, but they've got a lot of road games coming up. And if Pittsburgh's not the shittiest 3-1 team?

4) Todd Boeckman may be a street rat, but he's still getting run. Jim Tressel has more faith than I do.

5) My early national championship pick? Oklahoma vs. UGabamaSU. And yes, I am still the guy who tried for the home run upset call with LSU.

6) Notre Dame. They're gonna get a bowl game. Pepper the Rally Dolphin's gonna be thrilled.

7) Buffalo and Central Michigan had a lot of a shootout. Drew Willy and Dan LeFevour are probably the two top draft prospects at QB.

8) NO TEBOW NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

When the ginger powers Activate?

It's the Wild Card Bitches! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Also: Call me crazy, but LSU is gonna get CROOM'D!

Move along. Back to the grind. Only 275 teams to go!

Oh hi!

The Gallardo dilemma...

He's coming off a torn ligament. He's way too early in his return. He has to be fully ready for 2009 for the Brewers to have a shot at glory. So many reasons not to start him. All valid.

But who else are the Brewers gonna throw tonight?

There is some love for visionary thinking on this blog...

And if the Charlotte Bobcats land Carl Landry off of the offer sheet? It's a move that could pay spectacular dividends. Carl Landry was a bad man last season. He was a key to the Houston Rockets 22 game winning streak.

Not to say that it's an automatic win for the Bobcats. Not by a long shot. If you were paying attention? You would have noticed that he was having offseason issues with his knee and exactly what condition his condition was in. But that being said? If the Rockets don't match, and it's probable that they will. Landry has an opportunity for beaucoup bucks.

But the question is. Backup on a good team>>>Starter on a bad team for Landry? If he stays motivated, he'll make good money soon enough.

4 runs, 2 hits, 1 error!

Brewers 4
Pirates 2

Half a game out, kids! And as far as all of that Sabathia business. Answer? Yes.

Just don't give him a 6 year deal. That's suicide.

Now if the Cubs could help a brother out? That would be awesome.

UPDATE: Derrek Lee! Derrek Lee! Derrek Lee!

Cubs 7
Mets 6

UPDATE II: Aramis Ramirez! 2 run bomb!

Cubs 9
Mets 6

3 outs to tied!

I have been working on two big posts.

I'm ready to preview college basketball. Also, I may get weird on Derek Anderson.

Let me rest and teach and awesome may come tomorrow. Apologies on today.

Go Brewers.

Those dreams?

Those playoff dreams are not dead. From 2.5 games out to 1 in less than 48 hours. The Pirates are coming to town. The Brewers are right back in this.

You want to know the ironical thing? I've been a sad panda in regards to this recent run in the shit. You know who told me to keep the faith? Noted Red Sox fan blogger the OMDQ.

Really. And now? 6 home games to change the world. I am still in the hope and faith stage, but it's gone from Shadows of the Night to a Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Trust me. It keeps getting better.

It's Always Sunny In Heismandelphia

It's a breakneck world in college football. You have the wacky misadventures of conferences falling on their faces. You have the Electric Dream Machines of your USC and Oklahoma. And you have your Fatty McGoo's taking on your Aluminum Monsters. So? You want to know who's the master of karate and friendship for Heismankind?

Follow me.



Todd Boeckman is Rickety Cricket

Was it really that long ago that he was a man of the cloth? A mid-round prospect, the starting quarterback on a conference champion? A BCS participant? But in a short time he lost a million dollars and his job. At this point? He's nothing more than a street rat whom Terrelle Pryor just Gorilla Masked.



Rudy Carpenter is Dennis R. Reynolds

Once upon a time, he was one of the beautiful people. He still believes in his divinity, but the fact remains that his inability to handle a great pass rush means he just doesn't have it. There are some who still want him, even despite his current status. (Sam Keller is the Waitress?) But the fact of the matter is, no matter how many times he takes his shirt off? You still don't want him.



Sam Bradford is DeAndra "Sweet Dee" Reynolds

The history of the modern Oklahoma quarterback is much like the history of the modern comedienne. Some are misused, some are overrated, and some do anything for the money. (Rhett Bomar is Bonnie Hunt?) Bradford is the exception. Like Sweet Dee, he may fly under the radar, but the fact is, his monster is an Aluminum Monster. He's well protected, and nobody's gonna waterboard him.



Tim Tebow is Frank Reynolds

A superflouous addition to the proceedings? Perhaps. But without him? The SEC, as well as Paddy's would be nowhere near as awesome. And like Frank Reynolds, he did not truly find himself until he was in Vietnam. So long as he invests his money wisely, he can become an insane 5'2" bespectacled bald man who lives with an idiot savant.



Chase Daniel is Mac

The Brains behind the operation, Mac is an active force for the workers at Paddy's Bar. And as the front man, he does get a certain amount of respect. That being said? His operation is nothing without his supporting cast. Chase may be Rob McElhenney, but Chase Coffman is Glenn Howerton and Jeremy Maclin is Charlie Day. He would not be nearly as cool without the system he's in. That and he's dating a tranny.


Allegedly.



Knowshon Moreno is Charlie Kelly

For many, latching on to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia comes from a Charlie moment. Whether pounding faces into jelly, kicking a little ass for the USA, or discovering the master of karate and friendship for everyone with Dennis? Charlie is a character who steals shows in actions and phrases. So too? Knowshon Moreno. All he does is bring awesome to the table.


He's chopping all his action and mostly power.


And he calls this one, wild card bitches!!

HAHAHA!!!

Al Davis garrotes cows in the nude...

Indeed.

Knoshon Moreno is the last son of Krypton.

How else do you explain this?



He is chopping his action and mostly power! Is this a preview for a future post? Maybe.

An aim convo re: Fresno-Toledo

me: dude
Toledo and Fresno State
in a shootout
and a half
55-48 double ot
bigse7en01: this game is less than a mile from me
me: and still going
IF YOU HURRY
YOU CAN STILL MAKE IT
bigse7en01: i know im watching it on espn u
lul
Sent at 11:18 PM on Saturday
bigse7en01: td toledo on 4th down
me: No fucking way
bigse7en01: bootleg right TE catch front corner
fresno takes a time out
toledo going for 2????
me: OMG
bigse7en01: maybe
yesssssss they are
for the win!
NO GOOD
FRESNO WINS
w
t
me: FAT COACH FAILS?!?!
bigse7en01: f
me: that sucks
fat coach fails
Sent at 11:21 PM on Saturday
bigse7en01: man
amstutz was hungry

Fred Armisen is a comedy black hole that for which nothing can escape...

Seriously. I wish he'd stop. I wish he never started.

I will drinkenly threaten him at a chance meeting! I can promise you that!

I'm good at guessing close games...

But occasionally?

Greg Schiano should have left Piscataway when he had a chance. 0-3 is going to end a lot of Honeymoons. Yeah, I'm calling Navy to beat Rutgers. Navy circled this game. Bank on it.

Let's be honest. I need this. My baseball team is collapsing hard, and stupid Cubs made the stupid playoffs.

Navy 23
Rutgers 21

I mean really. Fulmer is an awful, awful coach.

Arizona 31
UCLA 10

Midway through the 4th quarter. Seriously. Fulmer is bad at everything not involving looking like character actor/presidential candidate Fred Thompson.

Take me to another place. Take me to another land.

How does a team with any sort of talent get beaten by a Phillip Fulmer coached team? I mean really.

So apparently the ACC is not completely awful...

Because North Carolina State is completely awful and they beat East Carolina. And North Carolina just lost T.J. Yates and they're up 14.

But Oregon? For shame.

Also, the Cubs deserve congratulations on clinchin bthe NL Central. I'm a little bit drunk. Or uncaring. I dunno.

Hey ESPN?

You know what's a useless stat? Statistics by count. Really.

Who gives a fuck if Dioner Navarro is hitting .267 with 2 homers with a 2 and 2 count? Nobody. So suck it.

YEAH!

Dear Brewers Fans...

We're running through the shadows of the night, so baby take my hand and we'll be all right. Surrender all your dreams to me tonight, they'll come true in the end!

Tonight, if you're a football nerd?

You'll find out just how bad off the Big East really is. Tonight Baylor plays UConn, and while UConn is a middle of the pack team in the Big East, Baylor is still bottom of the barrel in the Big 12.

It's a young team and there's hope for the future, but this team is going to have to steal a win or two to get to 5 wins overall. And yes, UConn is 3-0. But Virginia is Syracuse/Washington State bad, and they struggled versus Temple. Yeah, I'll admit Temple isn't a total punching bag, but they're a 4 win in the MAC.

So what does this mean? Baylor can go up to Storrs and win. Yes. I believe the Japanese dual threat Robert Griffin can be masterful. UConn was very lucky last season.

Baylor 23
UConn 20

When Disaster Strikes...

Is not just the name of the seminal Busta Rhymes album. It could be what happens to the Brewers in these next few months. I mean, let me tell you a story of what could happen.

A. The Brewers miss the playoffs. This means the player to be named later in the Sabathia trade will be the Brewers choice, and likely a man of no consequence.

B. The Yankees cull Bobby Abreu and Carl Pavano from the payroll, and use the balance to take C.C. Sabathia as the Angels sleep.

C. Ed Wade does his best Jerry Jones and his boy Sheetsie gets 5 years and 70 million.

D. The Brewers do not want to be too splashy in terms of free agency. It's a big year, but the Brewers aren't gonna try and get above 80 million dollars if they don't have to.

And let's be honest, I am going to make estimates based on precedent and other details in terms of contract. But the fundamentals will be sound.

And so? A journey of a wannabe GM begins...now.

Returning Payroll: Here's where it begins. What cost the Brewers about 35.5 million in 2008 is going to become prohibitively expensive. Fielder starts arbitration, Suppan, Hall, J.J. Hardy, Bush, Corey Hart and maybe even the versatility of the Ginger McClung will all receive million dollar-plus raises. You aren't going to see it double, but 26.5 million dollars later? The Brewers stand at 62 million dollars.

Options exercised? CF Mike Cameron ($10,000,000 +3 million dollars from 2008); INF Craig Counsell ($3,400,000 +600 thousand dollars from 2008 and it hurts because he sucks.)

Free Agents Re-Signed? LOOGY Brian Shouse ($2,200,000 +200 thousand dollars from 2008); OF Gabe Kapler ($1,000,000 +200 thousand dollars from 2008); 3B Russell Branyan ($750,000 +350 thousand dollars from 2008).

So now we stand at $66,200,000. If the Brewers sign no other free agents, here's your 25-man roster.

C- Jason Kendall
C- Mike Rivera
1B- Prince Fielder
2B- Rickie Weeks
3B- Russell Branyan
SS- J. J. Hardy
IF- Billy Hall
IF- Craig Counsell
LF- Ryan Braun
CF- Mike Cameron
RF- Corey Hart
OF- Gabe Kapler
OF- Tony Gwynn

SP- Manny Parra
SP- Yovani Gallardo
SP- Jeff Suppan
SP- Dave Bush
SP- Seth McClung

RP- Mark DiFelice
RP- Luis Pena
RP- Tim Dillard
RP- Brian Shouse
RP- Carlos Villanueva
RP- David Riske

CL- Salomon Torres

So what do the Brewers need? Obvious need is obvious. Pitching. And as for that I do have a premise as to how the Brewers can generate some pitching.

Trade Prince Fielder

I know, it sounds crazy. But he's still team controlled for another couple of years, and with Scott Boras in tow, there's no chance that he'll give Milwaukee a year of his Free Agency for an extension. So, expect the Brewers to quietly shop Fielder this offseason. A likely scenario? The Angels lose Teixera via Free Agency. The Brewers quietly swoop in and get a young starter from the Angels for Fielder. We'll call him Joe saunders. So we'll move Gamel to first base and we'll do the Bruss Brall at third.

So now where are we? 23.8 million dollars.

Move #1: Sign Juan Cruz (3 years/9 million dollars)

Juan Cruz is a power pitcher. Juan Cruz generates a lot of strike outs. He can have his issues with lefties, however? He is a righty killer. I think his issues with lefthanders may keep his price down, but a savvy manager of bullpens can keep him as an ace 7th inning guy/righty killer.

Move #2: Sign Bartolo Colon (1 year/1.25 million Team option for 2010 at 2 million)

But with a twist. You make Bartolo Colon a middle reliever/closer candidate. His limited time as a Red Sock last year shows that he has an ability to pitch. But as a starter he'll fall apart. So, you sign him as a middle reliever with incentive bonuses and hope he's another Eckersley or Kerry Wood.

Move #3: Three million dollars for veteran starting pitcher reclamation projects.

There are plenty of options in the injured starter who showed talents previously. Obvious Mark Prior is obvious. But here's what I'm thinking. Show me something in a Chris Capuano, a Mark Mulder, and a Russ Ortiz and hope one of them hit.

Move #4 Sign Joe Nathan (3 years/39 million dollars)

Perhaps this is colored by yesterdays taint punch of a collapse, but Joe Nathan may actually prove to have some value in the new economy. The Brewers are going to be contenders, or at the very least close to contention, jumping on the Joe Nathan bandwagon with all deliberate speed while everybody's all fired up for the twisted steel and sex appeal of Fransisco Rodriguez? You can get good value.

And in these five moves? Your Milwaukee Brewers are ready for battle in 2009.

New 2009 Roster?

C- Kendall
C- Rivera
1B- Mat Gamel
2B- Weeks
3B- Branyan
SS- Hardy
IF- Hall
IF- Counsell
LF- Braun
CF- Cameron
RF- Hart
OF- Kapler
OF- Gwynn

SP- Parra
SP- Gallardo
SP- Suppan
SP- Bush
SP- McClung/Russ Ortiz/Chris Capuano/Mark Mulder

RP- Bartolo Colon
RP- Juan Cruz
RP- Brian Shouse
RP- Salomon Torres
RP- Carlos Villanueva
RP- David Riske

CL- Joe Nathan

And with JJ Hardy, Mike Cameron, and Jason Kendall as trade bait as some of the Huntsville 8 show off their readiness? It's a beautiful thing.

Salaciousness...to hypnotize the reader...

I am punching myself in the carotid artery.

And I want Salomon Torres to know that the blood is on his hands.

THESE ARE THE GIMMIES FUCK-O!

P.S. Blogger needs to fucking fix its autosave like yesterday.

Listen...here's the thing.

I'm a simple kind of sports fan. I do not expect much. I want my teams to beat the teams they're supposed to and steal a few versus the teams that have better talent. And I can handle years of being above average. But you know what?

There comes a time when you want a shot at the brass ring. Sure, the Brewers are driving down the road as if they're on three tires with a four star wanted level. But the fact is, the Brewers have just a touch more talent than the Mets.

Am I being hypocritical? No. See, when a good run starts? You want to see how far they can go. And yet, I am zen about the fact that simple logic dictates that the Cubs would clinch by the time the season ends. Because for the longest time, I was honest about the fact that the Cubs had more skill.

I hated the Cubs for their ridiculous announcing, their annoying theme song, and their fans general degeneracy into becoming nothing more than a Midwestern Red Sox fan. But I was man enough to admit their on-field talent level was higher. That being said? If the Brewers lose the Wild Card?

I won't be happy.

That also being said? I'm getting sick of the Badgers being the Clemson of the north. Always finishing with 8 or 9 wins, always losing to a lesser team or two. Question? Can this year be any different. Answer? Yes.

Will it? No.

Why? Because the Badgers have three definable trap games. All on the road. And I can guarandamntee they'll lose two of them.

September 27th @ Michigan

Why? Because Michigan sucks now and they have a date with Ohio State, who should have their shit together by October.

October 18th @ Iowa

Why? Iowa still has a tough defense, Wisconsin is a natural rival, and a game versus Penn State the next week? This is where they will fall.

November 1st @ Michigan State

Why? Because even if Michigan State is in the middle of a slow start, their talent level is similar to the Badgers. And if by a hook and crook they're unbeaten at this point? They will lose here.

Three trap games. Two losses. I eagerly await which above average SEC team we will face in a bowl game.

I can promise you two posts...

One you might be happy about, one you might not.

1) We're gonna do a comparison post. Heisman Trophy Candidates. It's coming soon.

2) You remember our football post? That one? There's gonna be a basketball one. Learn to love Denver.

He loves you. Embrace change.

Listen, here's the thing...

I saw Burn after Reading. I didn't like it. Why? Because the characters were unlikable.

Now, that's not to say I'm one of those people who likes the typical PG story where we're all rooting for 1991's John Cusack to get the Girl. That's just to say that you need to have something else if you're going to have characters who are unlikable.

Empathy.

This is a part of why "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is so good. Sure, the comedy is great, but the fact of the matter is we've all tried to put one over on our friends. And it's exciting.

I am going to rise up and kick a little ass, gonna kick a little ass for the USA. Because I like unredeemable chracters. Yay!

You're Syracuse Football...

You suck. It's sad but true. You have bottomed out, and there are many who say that Northeastern's gonna make it interesting. You know you need a new coach.

So, how do you get your program in the national eye? How do you become one of the ugly people who always ends up playing in the Champs Poinsettia Bowl?

You turn to me.

I can give you your next great coach. I can make certain you have more than a BCS game every so often. Let me take you through your candidates.

1) Terry Bowden

Pros:

He ran the table in his first season at Auburn.
Can use his media experience to work for him.
The Bowden name still has gravitas to it, inexplicably.

Cons:

Short. I mean he is like a toy poodle.
Does not play well with powerful alumni.
Less regarded than brother Tommy, and Tommy’s only won 58% of his conference games.

Bottom Line: It’s not a visionary move. It’s not an inspired move. His record fell off when his players started to play at Auburn. I would pass on a Bowden in Syracuse.

2) Todd Graham

Pros:

Had success at two stops.
Has coached with two fast rising offensive coordinators in Applewhite and Malzahn.
Knows the offense, sure. But he won at Rice. That’s impressive.

Cons:

It would be his third stop in three years. You may not have heard of him, but he could very well be the next Petrino or Saban. That is greater than or equal to do not want.

Bottom Line: If he didn’t vibe as a snake in the grass social climber, it would be an awesome hire. But he seems like Syracuse would be just another stepping stone for him.

3) Mike Locksley

Pros:

Runs the spread offense that made Juice Williams the man he is today.
A sharply talented recruiter.
He knows the Eastern Seaboard.

Cons:

He is little known. (No wikipedia page).
Career assistant who hasn’t been in many big game situations.

Bottom Line: It would be an excellent hire. They need to pay the cost to make Locksley the boss.

4) Butch Jones

Pros:

Successful MAC Coach.
Helped turn Dan LeFevour into an absolute monster.
Kept CMU at a high level after Brian Kelly left.

Cons:

Spent eight years as a Coach within the confines of Kelly/Shorts Stadium.
CMU fans are not as high on young Mr. Butch as I am.

Bottom Line: But he’d be as good as Locksley.

5) Bud Foster

Pros:
A defensive genius. (A staple of the Top 5 in total defense.)
He is the man who ran the special teams so affectionately called Beamer Ball.
15 straight bowl games as an assistant.

Cons:

The only major problem I can see is that he has been defense only. He has no experience with the offensive side of the ball, and recruiting has never been his modus operandi. Can he hire a staff? Can he put together a good recruiting class? These need to be answered if you’re Syracuse.
Also, Greg Robinson was a former Defensive assistant.

Bottom Line: Bud Foster is an ulitmate boom or bust candidate. He has been an amazing assistant coach. Many have stepped up and become great head coaches. Others have been personifications of the peter principle. He deserves a look, but he would need an offensive genius, at least straight away.

So this is what you've got. Steve Sarkasian is too Mormon. Lane Kiffin is just another shitty ex-USC assistant. And you know what?

Fuck it. You're on your own and Elvi's trying to get me to heel turn.

The 10 draftable senior quarterbacks...

Those of you at the old site know that I am a bit of a draft nerd. Okay, it's a sickness. But still. It is what it is and I am what I am. And what it is?

Is a weak crop of quarterbacks. Seriously. You can put any junior of name value above the seniors, in terms of draftability. In fact, you'll be surprised at the #1 choice.

1. Rhett Bomar Sam Houston State (Injury prone, but his gunslinger Q rating? Spectacular.)
2. Curtis Painter-Purdue (Curtis failed his first big test. LOL CURTIS BLOW!)
3. Cullen Harper-Clemson (His shitty offensive line has cost him millions.)
4. Nathan Brown-Central Arkansas (Or as I like to call him, mediocre Scottie Pippen.)
5. Tom Brandstater-Fresno State (He missed an opportunity to become a top prospect. The Badgers pwned him with elite speech.)
6. Brian Hoyer-Michigan State (Game manager. Yawn.)
7. Hunter Cantwell-Louisville (Physical gifts keep him from falling too far.)
8. Chris Piziotti-Harvard (The Giovanni Carmazzi of this draft class.)
9. Chase Holbrook-New Mexico State (A Bledsovian quarterback whose system will hinder his draft slot. And maybe his future. Mummeball can kill him.)
10. Drew Willy-Buffalo (With a good game this week, he may find himself getting 4th round consideration.)

Update: Mark Loretta broke the no-hitter.

The Astros are facing an untenable task. I'm sympathetic, but I'm not unhappy.

There must be a deeper story here...

Ned Yost got fired today. And during my time in search of a sufficient emoticon to celebrate my happiness on the matter, I got to thinking.

Has any playoff contender made a coaching change so close to the end of the season? And the only one I could think of would be the 1989 Michigan Wolverines. Steve Fisher got a shot at the championship because Bill Frieder thought Arizona State would be a better fit. Different circumstances entirely.

But the fact is? Something had to be done. The Brewers were 3-11 in September. Mike Lamb's veteran influence has done nothing to stop the team from being awful. There was no other real change that could be made.

And with Ted Simmons becoming Dale Sveum's trusted advisor, and the Cubs seemingly having everything turn their way? By the way, nice job WGN. Becker's freaking awesome today! Ted Lilly's working on a no-hitter again today if you didn't know.

Redepmtion is only 3 games away. And if Sabathia beats Harden and Sheets beats Dempster? This hope becomes founded. If not?

I'm going to want the deeper story.

Tonight...on Streetball!

The Professor gets the first ever hard foul in streetball history! Oh baby!

Great...Detroit 25, Green Bay 24.

And I am considering stabbing myself in the neck with a pen.

UPDATE: Never mind that suicidal tendency, here comes the Packers. 48-25! Yeah!

Is this staged?

Perhaps. But let's be honest. This motherfucker has some motherfucking dedication to motherfucking swear his goddamn ass off! And apparently he has the ability to make his video game avatars play better by using the N-Word 107 times.

Please...do enjoy.

I can guarantee you a secret six things.

1) If there's any senior quarterback who gets drafted in the first round? You will not have heard much of him. Cullen Harper is grading out as a poor man's Charlie Whitehurst. Rhett Bomar is coming off a torn ACL. And Curtis Painter's got accuracy issues. Early money? Tom Brandstater will be the top senior QB taken.

2) The early line for the dream match-up between two shitty BCS teams? Washington State and Syracuse. The Paloose went into Baylor and got their ass handed to them. Syracuse is losing by 20 to Akron. This is the game that we'd all want to see.

3) Greg Schiano should have left Piscataway when he had a chance. 0-3 is going to end a lot of Honeymoons. Yeah, I'm calling Navy to beat Rutgers. Navy circled this game. Bank on it.

4) Why Rice-Vanderbilt is interesting? It's Clement to Dillard versus a confident defense. Anybody who tells you that there's nothing here is an idiot.

5) Fresno State beats Wisconsin. It will not be an upset.

6) USC 38 Ohio State 34. Terrelle Pryor keeps it interesting.

Yes Brewers Fans...

It is a perfect time to panic.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vince Young's situation is really quite simple...

There are plenty of people who have a natural talent of some sort, and it allows them to have an easier time in life. Some can get to high school on it. Some can get to college on it. Hell, some even become professionals on it.

You coast. Everybody's done it. But here's the problem. At some point it all catches up with you.

Real life stares you in the face. And you don't have the skill set to handle it. Every generation has intelligent men and good men who find that the skills that allowed them to get through the younger days are not enough. And the fact is, when you find yourself lacking you get scared.

You have bad days that become bad weeks. You say stupid shit and you scare your moms. It happens to everybody. This is how we measure ourselves as people.

If VY can get through this stronger? Good on him.

I am not a pessimist...

At least, I try not to be. Even though the American people are kind of scaring me right now, I don't think we're gonna have a need to roll out to Canada. But I do scare. I do scare easily.

That's why I took up blogging, I did not like to get out of my parent's basement! Folks!

Anyway, with 16 games left and three with the Phillies. The Wild Card is far from decided. And Mike Lamb's veteran influence cannot fix tired arms. There is trouble in Beer City.

And I'm scared that my team will have dealt for Sabathia and miss. But there's a bright shining light with what would happen if the Brewers miss the playoffs. I don't want it to happen. Don't get me wrong.

I just want to feel better about life if they miss.

1) Ned Gets Fired.

And I'm not just talking about in the hopes and dreams of a conservative blogger. If Ned falls from ahead yet again? He's toast. And for all of us who have hated Ned? That would be a big deal. Ted Simmons as manager would be freaking sweet. If you don't know who that is?

Just trust me. He's forgotten more about baseball than I know.

2) The Player to be Named Later of Damocles.

You want the craziest thing you might not know. If the Brewers miss the playoffs, the Indians have to take the prospect choice of the Brewers. Now, I'm sure that they aren't going to take the 17 year-old from the Dominican Summer League. But I'm sure a mediocre first baseman with injury prone behavoirs would be much better than Taylor Green or Michael Brantley.

3) John Smoltz as a free agent signing?

Maybe.

I'll come with more later. Tomorrow you will get nothing and like it.

Matt Nichols...a man on the Grow.

I am resonably certain as to the divinity of Matt Nichols as a pro prospect.

Dick Cheney joke box as a lead?

YES!

Olivia Munn is embodying my mood...

Fucking Brewers...making me sad.

Need to smile. Need to smile.

So, Aaron Rodgers had a pretty good game...

Who saw that coming?

But hear me now, and let me be foolish if I am wrong.

If Aaron Rodgers stays healthy, he will be a good professional quarterback for the Packers in 2008.

Oh yeah. That's right. I did.

It sucks being this good. It really does.

GITS of the NFL.

Now I know that some of you are gonna say that I'm being mean by calling people Gits. But you know what? It's an acronym.

GIT= Grant in training, as in Ryan. As in the sleeper emergent from nowhere from last season. And there are rules to this game.

1) The situation has to be unsettled. You can't have injuries bring someone to the forefront. Sure, Michael Robinson could be a sleeper, however he's not going to get a chance without disaster striking. There can be a clear-cut #1, but he has to be able to lose his job due to injury or incompetence.

2) No college pedigree. You can generate stats, but a man of Steve Slaton or Michael Bush's hype cannot be a Grant in training.

3) They have to be young. No mention of Stuttering Jesus in Chicago.

So? Who do we have, besides the obvious Marcus Thomas?

Baltimore: Marcus Mason Redskins fans know all about Marcus Mason. An ex-Illinois runner who runs hard and dominated the preseason. It may mean nothing. But with Willis McGahee's wheel, Ray Rice's college wear, and Cory Ross' essential third down backery? Mase may get a shot at glory.

Cincinatti: DeDe Dorsey An undersized runner from an NAIA school, he has explosive run skills. And he will outplay Kenny Watson if he gets an opportunity. And Chris Perry is probably going to have a disgusting ankle injury.

Denver: Ryan Torian will be a Ryan Grant if only because he is injured and people will forget about him.

Detroit: Marcus Thomas's explanation is over on Epic Carnival. Search it out.

Houston: Chris Taylor Kidding. He can't handle a one-cut offense.

New York Giants: Danny Ware While the situation does seem pretty settled. Here's the thing. Brandon Jacobs and Derrick Ward both get nicked up, and Ahmad Bradshaw is tiny. And they are probably going to trade Reuben Droughns. Danny has the run skills to take advantage of any opportunity when it comes. I believe in Danny Ware.

Seattle: Justin Forsett If he was a white guy, everybody would love him. Because he's undersized without great tools. But he gets everything out of them. And being undersized doesn't mean he couldn't have a Domanack Davis run of being awesome. Their run-skills are similar. Scary similar.

So, there you go. Your deep sleepers. Your watch list. These may not be your American Heroes.

But they're American Heroes in training.

I have things to deal with...

Never trust a Bernard Pollard and a smile.

Knowshon Moreno: Clearly, a fan of David Lee Roth

Bubsy bubsy bubsy bop, and goodnight.

IT'S LAMB WATCH!!!

DUN DUN DUNH DUNH DUNH DUNH DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNH!!!



Brewers 1
Padres 0

Brewers with Mike Lamb? 2-0. Told you all you were in deep trouble!

I am not a Happy Panda Bear...

It was a good day of football. My team scored 51 unanswered points to avoid embarrassment in the Bad Day in the Big 10. UCF and Buffalo acquitted themselves well, even if they ultimately fell short. Matt Nichols may be a name you need to know.

And yet? A malaise. I was hyped and amped because I joined Team USA for the World Beard and Mustache Championships. And yet it did not last.

So I checked the scoreboard. And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Middle Tennessee State 24
Maryland 14

That's right. Murfeesboro's finest took it to Maryland, coming off a game where Delaware went into College Park and nearly broke the Terps. Our favorite college football tigerstyle has a member of the clan on the hot seat.


In happier times...

Ralph Fridgen broke out in 2001 winning the Coach of the Year in his debut, and that brought him an awesome bit of goodwill. But coming off a 6-7 2007? The Fridge needed to show some improvement.

He's not going to get there. Look at the schedule. Cal is September Cal. They haven't hit the Combat Rock period. EMU is a win. Then it's at Clemson, at Virginia, and Wake Forest at home. That's 2-5. And that's the easier part of their schedule. His team could very easily go 3-9 this season.

So it looks like the team isn't going to fight to save the Fridge. So you know what? We're going to have to.

You need to contact William E. Mayer and tell him, the world needs Fat Coaches. Save the Fridge.

Save the Fridge? YES WE CAN!

New Semester started. However, the song remains the song.

LOL. My classes suck.
but not as much as Metallica!

ELVI!

Brief Mid-Afternoon thoughts...

On COLLEGE FOOOTBALL!!!



YAAAAAAAAY!

1. With Notre Dame struggling to beat San Diego State, the fact of the matter is Notre Dame may be just as bad this year as they were last year.

2. The ACC may be bad, but the Big 10 just might be worse. Notre Dame-Michigan looks AWESOME next week!

3. The question of Texas Tech is apparently not how bad their defense is, but just how good Eastern Washington is. It took a late pick for Colorado to escape.

4. Still don't believe in Louisville. Tennessee Tech is going to be at the bottom of the Ohio Valley conference. A FBS team should beat them.

5. It's going to be a down year in the Big East. I know, shocker, right?

6. I think Fresno State is going to end any chances that the Big 10 will have a National Championship loser. And for a Homer, that kills me to say.

7. ECU may actually be a team with whispers of the BCS. They have a great year once every decade. (Hey Bengals? 8-8 with Pickney?)

8. The MAC could have had a spectacular week if it wasn't for that darn Boo Jackson. My Boo is KIIIIIIIIILING ME!

9. BYU won't be a BCS buster. Colorado State? May not win more than two games.

10. Oregon State won't be making use of a free trip to El Paso on New Years Eve. 3-9 has a lot to do with Mike Riley.

11. The Tebow will get Florida their vengance at the Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.

12. We know Florida International is very bad because they allowed Iowa to score 40+ points. That is bananas.

This is so fucked up...

The Bobcats just scored on a fumble. Against Ohio State. To extend their lead. To 14-6.

They have 24 minutes to survive. But let's be honest, if this the latest incarnation of the Sex Pistols? This game is their version of the American Tour.

And some D-Bag on ESPN2 is trying to call it bigger than Appy State versus Michigan.

Update: Mark Parson just fucked up royally. A muffed punt puts Ohio State in Field Goal range. Ohio 14, Ohio State 12.

Update II: Bah. A Brandon Saine touchdown run makes it 19-14 Ohio State. Mood: Morose.

Update III: Ray Small punt return equals 26-14. With Boo Jackson's less that 3 yards per pass attempt? That's game Hendrix!

The Good News?

Wisconsin 31
Marshall 14

17-14 when I woke up from my late night of work. It's a day that has the potential to be really bad for the Big 10. But my team escapes.

9-4 here we come! Whoo!

Can ECU get to 2-0?

Yes. Because Hanna will limit the wheel advantage of the Mountaineers, ECU will be able to keep the game close. Ask Pittsburgh if the ability to keep it close is an advantage.

*ducks a burning couch*

That's not why I'm here. I am here because I have a couple of shots to call. I hit ECU last week, and I've decided that my blind luck is the better part of valor. I'm going to make two upset picks. Blind stabs in the dark, if you wheel. But here we go.

George O'Leary got embarrassed by South Florida last year. It was 64-12. And yes, Central Florida lost Kevin Smith and South Florida has Matt Groethe and George Selvie coming back. But you know what? The running game is still the truth. And you know what else? South Florida may not have General Ackbar warning them not to look ahead to Kansas.

The Knights are going to get a measure of revenge here, victory is theirs. 31-21.

Now some of us will think that UTEP losing to Buffalo was a disappointment. And maybe it is. But you know what? Pittsburgh's not going to be able to generate much of a pass rush. And Drew Willy is the under the radar truth of the Mid-American conference. Some drunkard is going to ask the question if they could be the BCS Buster?

The answer? No. But Drew Willy will get a big game this week. Wannie goes on the chopping block again, as Buffalo wins 35-31.

See, what did I tell you?

1-0 in the Mike Lamb era. I told y'all, y'all was in deep trouble.

I may get philosophical when I wake up. Fucking Gagne.

Salacious Boredom...

Enjoy your evening.

This has been a bad week for your Milwaukee Brewers...

There was a real opportunity for the Brewers to close the gap. Carlos Zambrano and Rich Harden are dealing with injuries, and the team as a whole was slumping.

That being said? Your Milwaukee Brewers have hit a wall at much the same time. Two games blown by the bullpen, the inevitable Ben Sheets injury, and a general maliasie has fallen upon the Brewers. But through the darkness? A hero shall rise.

A versatile left-handed hitter who can play multiple positions with decent average and power. He's an American hero.



He is Mike Lamb! And now you all are in deep trouble.

One of the thinks we're most proud of here at The Grand National Championships...

Is that unless I'm drunk and faking, we never interview anyone with any more than a tangential relation to sports. We've interviewed YouTube sensations, Team Awesome. We've interviewed the co-creator and Michael McDonald of Yacht Rock, J.D. Ryznar. And we've interviewed Comic Book Writer and prospective world beard and Mustache Champion Matt Fraction.

Well? In the upcoming weeks, on this space, expect another interview with a great of non-sports.

It will be glorious. You will be proud.

Antonio Bryant...

Is the #2 Receiver in Tampa Bay.

But you know what? The other Biletnikoff winner as a Sophomore has been flying under the radar in other ways as well. Did you know he was out of football last year? You did? Okay.

But did you know that he sued the NFL? It's true!

It seems as after 2006's impression of Bullitt that he ran in San Mateo, Antonio took his two game suspension and he took being cut, and decided that he was going to look into the mirror and make some changes. He was 26, and he had run himself off three teams already. He stopped taking his life seriously for most of the first half of the year of his unemployment.

But he looked in the mirror and realized what he needed to do. So he started to turn his life around. Antonio Bryant, finally, finally, was ready to reach his seemingly limitless potential. I know that it's his seventh chance, but the fact that he got there before it was too late.

And yet? He found himself with a problem. When he was ready to return to football, and sure that there was some team out there who needed his skills? The NFL wouldn't let him back in.

And this news bore little mention. You live in a world with Pac-Man Jones, Chris Henry, and Brandon Marshall acting a fool, and you have a player fighting with every ounce he has to keep the dream alive. And he gets no media attention.

This baffles me. Kind of. The sports media is whiter than Stuff White People Like. Antonio Bryant's preconceived notions have been set in stone. They're waiting for him to get into all sorts of shenanigans involving Heroin, a dude named Mendoza, and a fanboat chase.

I guess what I'm saying is this wouldn't happen if Stephen A. Smith was alive.

You want this year's Ryan Grant?

Over at Epic Carnival? I'll tell my sleeper. My deep sleeper.

If you promise to click the link, I promise to remind you when you need to pick him up roto dudes.

Sorry about all the shaded words.

I know that the results of a Baseball series are apocryphal...

And that it only matters in October what goes down between two teams. That being said? This Brewers-Mets series is a playoff preview, as the loser of the NL Central Race will get the winner of the NL East. And to see that your Milwaukee Brewers have lost two straight against the Mets because the Bullpen had Eric Gagne and the offense couldn't get that one last run they needed to cross the plate.

Stop this. Stop this now.

This was supposed to be a cruise into October. I do not want an actual race unless the Brewers threaten the Cubs.

At the old site during the NFL Draft...

I made mention of how I disliked the Packers selecting Brian Brohm.

I said that he was going to grow up to be Brad Johnson. I used the phrase Negative Gunslinger Q Rating. I had three fans of the 'Ville roll up on me aghast at my claims. Understandable. And since I had shit to do, I let the debate, such as it was die.

But if any of them were enterprising? They would have been a whole hell of a lot more pissed off at me.

Here, I have a couple of LSU fans happy with me because I said this about Matt Flynn.

I was hoping for Andre Woodson. That’s what I get for hoping.

Don’t let me say that as indictment of Matt Flynn. He’s not a player that you’re in love with, but the fact of the matter is, he brings more to the table than Brohm. Athleticism? It goes to Flynn. Arm? It goes to Flynn. Durability? It goes to Flynn. Leadership? It goes to Flynn.

The only thing Brian Brohm has more in terms of is on-field decision making. I think Matt Flynn could be the better pro*.

*(Statement void if they sign a veteran.)

And why, pray tell would I feel so inclined to bring this up? Because right now Matt Flynn has played himself into a backup quarterback role. And while this may be the scariest possibility some Packers fans can face, and perhaps if disaster strikes we would see Quinn Gray run the simplified offense before you would see Matt Flynn.

But the fact of the matter is? I'm right. Being right makes me happy.


YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

The more I look at Sarah Palin...

The more I see a political Mike Krzyzewski

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the Republican vice-presidential nominee who revealed Monday that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant, earlier this year used her line-item veto to slash funding for a state program benefiting teen mothers in need of a place to live.

Yeah. It's hypocrisy. Yeah, it's a bullshit move. But you know what? The right eats this up. They're all hypocrites. Unprincipled, sleazy hypocrites, who will do anything for glory.

How else do you explain this?

McCain Hires GOP Operative Who Helped Smear Him in South Carolina in 2000
September 01, 2008 8:46 PM

Former officials of Sen. John McCain's 2000 campaign expressed shock and disbelief Monday to learn than the GOP presidential nominee had hired South Carolina political consultant Tucker Eskew.

Eskew, along with Warren Tompkins and Neal Rhodes, were key members of then-Gov. George W. Bush's South Carolina team during the 2000 primaries. McCain and his team long held Bush, Tompkins, Rhodes and Eskew responsible for the various smears against McCain and his family in the Palmetto state during that contentious contest.

John McCain's war service is to be commended, sure. But if I hear anybody call John McCain a Maverick from here on out? I will punch them squa in the nuts.

A labor dabor Top 10 list, things I know without any empirical proof...

10. Marcus Thomas will lead the Lions in rushing.

9. Ultra-right wing parents breed promiscuous children.

8. If I had Musical Omniscience and a nice bit of time travel? I would have Johnny Cash cover Beck's Farewell Ride. Because that would be the greatest song ever.

7. Yeah, you're right, the Wild Card does make pennant races more boring. But I'll take it.

6. Fringe is going to fail. Kurtzman and Orci are hacks.

5. I will never play poker against people who look like 1980's pro wrestling managers. They are lucky and bad at cards. I am the opposite.

4. August is like January, but shittier when it comes to Movies. I will pay 100 dollars to anyone who breaks up Friedburg and Seltzer.

3. Ben Sheets needs to take up yoga. Like seven years ago.

2. Louisville looks like a 10 loss team at the rate they're going. Kentucky's going to struggle to get Bowl eligible this year, and they looked like the 1985 Bears versus Louisville.

1. I just pooped out the letter C. Happy Labor Day.

I believe that political points of view are malleable.

There are several events in a persons life where if fate just turned left instead of right? Their point of view would be different. I mean, me at 35 is different from me at 27 is different from me at 19. And you all know the Apocryphal quote from Churchill, am I right?

That being said, something came across the transom that if it comes true would break any chance of me ever voting Republican again if it comes to pass.

"Sen. McCain signaled he may give his acceptance speech via satellite from the disaster zone. [from Hurricane Gustav]."

Seriously. He wants to accept his nomination amidst the rubble of a very powerful Hurricane. In terms of dick moves? This is between sleeping with your brother or sister's spouse and stealing key resources from a charity.

This is thinly exploitative. This is trying to make your bones on the back of the frightened and the suffering. Bush wasn't stupid enough to pull this shit in 2004. And you know what? He pulled every other god damn trick in the book.

I once respected John McCain. Maybe I was young and stupid, but I did. But you know what? He's a weathervane. He goes where his instincts tell him politically. And he might actually do this.

He's going all-in for the Presidency, and if he gets in? We are fucked. Fucked fucked fucked.