Tuesday, July 29, 2008


This is it. The game is over. My breakdown. Completed.

Wideouts. X's and Z's. The home run threats.

The tall dudes, the white guys. It's awesome. I shall finish this shit.

Sam Aiken WR New England Patriots: A once-proud sleeper, but let's be honest. He's a special teams gunner. He's good like that. But is he just here because the Belichick feels threatened?
Aundrae Allison WR Minnesota Vikings: He's an awesome return man but his pass-catching skills are a redundancy in the Twin Cities.
David Anderson WR Houston Texans: He's a special teamer with good enough skills to be a successful starter if ever he should get himself an opportunity. Andre Davis and Kevin Walter aren't exactly Cris Carter and Randy Moss.
Devin Aromashodu WR Indianapolis Colts: His last name means "Smell of the Native" in Brazzaville.
Adrian Arrington WR New Orleans Saints: Step One: Get drafted. Step two: Join the practice squad. Step 3: ???? Step 4: PROFIT!
Miles Austin WR Dallas Cowboys: An ace returner who needs to spend about two months with the Jugs gun to be a stud receiver.
Jason Avant WR Philadelphia Eagles: A shorter, slower Hank Baskett. It is what it is I guess.
Donnie Avery WR St. Louis Rams: The Rams went a-reachin' because Donnie Avery is a speed burner. That shit's uncoachable.
Dallas Baker WR Pittsburgh Steelers: Just hoping for the 5th spot. And 7th rounders can't be draft busts, so as a Florida alum, he's got that going for him.
David Ball WR New York Jets: A footnote and a trivia answer. Jerry Rice lost his records to this schmuck.
Reggie Ball WR Detroit Lions: Wow. They're trying to Antwaan Randle El any quarterback because of his blackness. His timed speed is like 4.7, right? Cut.
Hank Baskett WR Philadelphia Eagles: A big build, good blocker, and the old rule is that year three is the breakout year. There's an opportunity for the man to emerge.
Arnaz Battle WR San Francisco 49ers: Receivers go off for big years for inexplicable reasons. Arnaz Battle is the choice of Pro Football Prospectus. And it makes sense.
Ron Bellamy WR Detroit Lions: A New Orleans native who's lower ranked on his own google page than a blogger. For real.
Drew Bennett WR St. Louis Rams: Starter by default. White guy famous for three electric games with Billy Volek.
Earl Bennett WR Chicago Bears: If he had success at Vanderbilt, I would not sleep on him having success with this melange of untalented skill players in Chi city.
Bernard Berrian WR Minnesota Vikings: I shall call him Tecmo for when you drop back 20 yards and throw it up for grabs, Bernard Berrian is a Viking. Oh God.
Taye Biddle WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Real Name? RaTavious. Too crowded for him to earn a job in Tampa.
Jeremy Bloom WR Pittsburgh Steelers: Bode Miller laughs at the choices that he's made.
Shaun Bodiford WR Green Bay Packers: Gifted returner, solid hands, no room in Green Bay.
Anquan Boldin WR Arizona Cardinals: Anquan Boldin is playing for a new contract. Walk year players can be magical.
Marty Booker WR Chicago Bears: He's a second banana. His skills are excellent in the second banana. But Greg Camarillo outplayed him last year. And he got to Brett Farve his way back to his home team.
Dwayne Bowe WR Kansas City Chiefs: The only reason he might not be a success is because the other great rookie receiver that went to LSU fell off the cliff. But great hands and fearlessness mean he's supplanted Gonzalez as the #1 in KC.
Mark Bradley WR Chicago Bears: Seems to have lost a step after the Torn ACL that went down durning his rookie year. A Chicago-style Brandon Jones.
Deion Branch WR Seattle Seahawks: Tore his ACL in January. He can't exactly just drop back to pass Carson Palmer style. Maybe in November. Maybe.
Steve Breaston WR Arizona Cardinals: An excellent return man. His skill position skill? Mediocre.
John Broussard WR Jacksonville Jaguars: Blazing speed, but no room in the Ville means a return to the practice squad.
Reggie Brown WR Philadelphia Eagles: If he doesn't go deep, he's kind of useless. About to fall into bust city.
Isaac Bruce WR San Francisco 49ers: A venerable receiver. He still has the hands, but his speed is gone. If you think this reeks of a man who's gonna spend the end of his career playing awful in a strange uniform. You're savvy. It's Hakeem as a Raptor on a baby scale.
Antonio Bryant WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: He's still talented, but he's still got psychological problems. But the truly great bad starters got their shit together at 27. And Bryant has similar skills. Really.
Nate Burleson WR Seattle Seahawks: He may never be a beloved starter. He will always be overpaid. But it may be time to get back in the market. Branch has a torn ACL and Bobby Engram is old enough to yell at clouds. Burleson may be passable by default.
Plaxico Burress WR New York Giants: His 2007 eliminated a lot of noise from the haters. His 2008 has contract extension noise behind it. Plaxico has been mercurial, but he's got a year when it should benefit him materially from being awesome. So he's gonna rise up and kick a little ass.
Keenan Burton WR St. Louis Rams: Good athlete, big leaper. Likely won't avoid getting hurt in camp.
Andre Caldwell WR Cincinnati Bengals: Wheels and heart and good hands and an ability to fuck himself up, injury wise. But he won the genetic lottery unlike...
Reche Caldwell WR St. Louis Rams: ...the eyes of a crackhead, inspiration for the "dumb" comedy writers on Studio 60 Brother Hubbard.
Greg Camarillo WR Miami Dolphins: Literally, the next Wes Welker. They will call him gritty. Because they are lazy.
Drew Carter WR Oakland Raiders: A huge Alvis Whitted.
Jason Carter WR Carolina Panthers: A super-slash at Texas A&M, master of practice squads in the NFL.
Tim Carter WR Houston Texans: The personification of every online poker pro. Someone in their mid-20's who will never reach their full potential.
Chris Chambers WR San Diego Chargers: Will finally achieve his true potential in a full season as the deep threat/fade target at the goal line. He'll never be the ace. But #3 pass catchers need love too.
Antonio Chatman WR Cincinnati Bengals: The drafting of three receivers means the Antonio Chatman is gonna have to take his brand of tiny and bad punt returning someplace else. MARIO URRUTIA IS TALL!
Bam Childress WR Philadelphia Eagles: The best dog breeder in the NFL. I hope.
Brian Clark WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Third string kick returner. Bring your playbook.
Mark Clayton WR Baltimore Ravens: He fall off in the year that was supposed to be his breakout. And Cameron Cameron? He loves tall dudes who can block. Clayton's not a giant.
Michael Clayton WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The truth can be adjusted. But the simple fact is that this tall dude's gone 40 games with only one score. Never mind the rookie bollocks.
David Clowney WR New York Jets: The skills of a tough Todd Pinkston, but it's back to the practice squad for him.
Keary Colbert WR Denver Broncos: The nightmare scenario for the Broncos fans is that this dude is THEIR #1 receiver.
Laveranues Coles WR New York Jets: He's also been left out to dry by his supporting cast. He could play solidly, but this isn't a one man army thing. Him and Cotchery are the Dollar Tree House and Ocho Cinco.
Marques Colston WR New Orleans Saints: Any questions that he had last year are gone. He's the #1 receiever and even though they do have the Shockey who will take looks, the #2 receiver situation is a mess.
Terrance Copper WR New Orleans Saints: Is going to have to play leapfrog over several players to make his presence remain in New Orelans.
Jemalle Cornelius WR Arizona Cardinals: The Don Cornelius of dudes you won't remember.
Jerricho Cotchery WR New York Jets: He's an awesome receiver who will yet again be stuck on a shitty team. He'll get looks, but Alan Faneca isn't the final piece of the Jets Supprting cast puzzle.
Patrick Crayton WR Dallas Cowboys: He did nothing wring during the season. He gets a shot at redemption and #2 receiverdom for your America's team. He'll be decent.
Joshua Cribbs WR Cleveland Browns: He's awesome as a kick returner. If they decide to see if he can't be a Willie Beamon or a receiver? They will be pouring his tabasco to thickly.
Ronald Curry WR Oakland Raiders: When healthy, he's actually pretty good. But he needs to be the DJ as he's not a #1 receiver.
Kevin Curtis WR Philadelphia Eagles: Just because he's one-half of reversed expectations of a quarterback to his pass-catching ace does not mean racism does not exist, people! Also, he will do similar to last season.
Devard Darling WR Kansas City Chiefs: He has good size and excellent speed. But he was awful in Baltimore. And it's not all the fault of bad quarterbackery.
Andre Davis WR Houston Texans: He faded down the stretch last season. It's back to obscurity for the man. Really. He is no good.
Chris Davis WR Tennessee Titans: Kenton Keith without the awesome ask KK page on his website. Or a 5'10" dude who's not great at returning kicks. Your call.
Craig Davis WR San Diego Chargers: The Buster is looking to supplant Vincent Jackson as a starter. He has the skills to do it too. But he's a #3 receiver to start the year.
Josh Davis WR Carolina Panthers: Needs a better name, this is why he won't stick.
Rashied Davis WR Chicago Bears:
Hey! It's a kick returner/gunner who can't handle being a receiver who's not Devin Hester. But he will make the Bears regret making Hester paid. Oh yes.
Early Doucet WR Arizona Cardinals: Early Doucet is the heir apparent for the role of Anquan Boldin. They want him to achieve his initial post-season expectations. Keep him in the back of your mind.
Harry Douglas WR Atlanta Falcons: Kind of has a skinny Greg Jennings vibe. Good hands, plays beyond his timed speed. Not a name for '08. Not yet anyway.
Donald Driver WR Green Bay Packers:
He lost his touchdown magic. Now he has to develop a rapport with the new guy. He could be lost in the shuffle. Let the homer have him.
Biren Ealy WR Tennessee Titans: Guess how many playoff catches he has. Hint, it's not zero. Really. I'm still stunned at that fact.
Braylon Edwards WR Cleveland Browns: Broke out into a captain of big-play awesomeness industry. Expect more of the same this year.
Devale Ellis WR Detroit Lions: Hoping to achieve a Marques Colston experience by his collegiate osmosis.
Bobby Engram WR Seattle Seahawks: Old posession receiver is old posesssion receiver. He's getting a starters looks...if he can beat out Ben Obomanu.
Lee Evans WR Buffalo Bills: If you believe that James Hardy can join the Bowe/Colston/Clayton school, then I can guarantee he will reach Rock Flag and Eagle status.
Jimmy Farris WR Washington Redskins: The fact that he's thirty and still trying to achieve his dream gives my lazy ass hope. PIPE DREAMS ARE FUN!
Robert Ferguson WR Minnesota Vikings: Good special teams guy, will never achieve his draft day potential as a receiver. He was supposed to be good, you know?
Yamon Figurs WR Baltimore Ravens: Day man to B.J. Sams Night Man. A master of kick return karate and friendship. For everyone.
Joel Filani WR Seattle Seahawks: The only Texas Tech receiver worth a shot is Michael Crabtree. Or Wes Welker. Tall slow dude.
Brian Finneran WR Atlanta Falcons: A shambling zombie tall white guy who suffers from crippling injuries when he is in camp. He has hands of glue. And feet of glue.
Larry Fitzgerald WR Arizona Cardinals: Probably the safest choice of a superstar receiver. Warner just plain likes him better than Anquan. His second half of 2007 was white hot.
Malcom Floyd WR San Diego Chargers: Tall and speedy. But probably better as a non-hitting rover on defense than anything else.
Eric Fowler WR St. Louis Rams: Invited to camp as a favor to Melvin Fowler.
Chris Francies WR Green Bay Packers:
Showed nothing in his opportunites, comes into camp 7th on the Depth Chart.
William Franklin WR Kansas City Chiefs: A size-speed prospect. He's like a simulated dude from Madden 2006.
Mike Furrey WR Detroit Lions: It's back to obscurity with you, Yiff!
Jabar Gaffney WR New England Patriots: Jabar Gaffney is a decent receiver in a situation where he can use his skills excellently. They want Chad Jackson to beat him out, but as a Plan B, they could do worse.
Justin Gage WR Tennessee Titans: He makes the tough catches deep. Because he gets no separation and can't run fast. He has to. When he's open, he's like a dog chasing cars.
Joey Galloway WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: That season and a half that he missed because of holdouts and ACL's has done wonders for his career. He's in a position to succeed. But don't expect big bucks to go with it.
Pierre Garcon WR Indianapolis Colts:
Peter Boy.
Michael Gasperson WR Philadelphia Eagles:
Bryan Gilmore WR Seattle Seahawks: A 30 year-old special teamer is about to disappear into the ether. Say goodbye.
Ted Ginn Jr. WR Miami Dolphins: Ted Ginn is superfast, and would provide the Dolphins starting 11 with a facet that they would really not have otherwise. However, he's not gonna be great this year even if he beats Hagan out.
Terry Glenn WR Free Agent: If he stayed healthy and gave it his all? He could have been a Hall of Famer.
Anthony Gonzalez WR Indianapolis Colts: It's year 3 and Marvin Harrision looks done. Even without the looks of a #2, he still might be a success.
Skyler Green WR New Orleans Saints: Local boy just wants to beat out Lance Moore and return some kicks. No expectations for more here.
D.J. Hackett WR Carolina Panthers: If he's healthy, he can use his physical gifts to be the #2 receiver in the Research triangle. He's tall and fast and young. Mushin's tall and slow and old.
Derek Hagan WR Miami Dolphins: The good? He is a skilled posession receiver in Year 3. But suffice it to say that Ted Ginn will get every, and I mean every opportunity to take him down.
Marques Hagans WR St. Louis Rams: An athletic African-American college quarterback converted to receiver? What is this?
Dante Hall WR St. Louis Rams:
The most obscure man to have a Gatorade commercial made for him. Football may be done with him.
Roy Hall WR Indianapolis Colts:
He's a Colt. If he gets time he's worth consideration. Seriously. He's dull in every facet. Should just move to tight end and be done with it.
Cortez Hankton WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: A lovable name even if his game is naked fat dude ugly.
Chris Hannon WR Carolina Panthers: If you wash out of Kansas City? You deserve to be nothing more than camp fodder.
James Hardy WR Buffalo Bills:
Year 1? He's gonna catch 80% of his passes on the fade patterns. Scoring-heavy roto leagues may have a valid option here.
Justin Harper WR Baltimore Ravens: This year's David Clowney. Tall Va. tech dude who has a high YPC average, and will likely end his rookie year on the jets practice squad.
Marvin Harrison WR Indianapolis Colts: He's old. Coming off a severe injury. And he's going to face gun mishagoes. There are plenty of reasons to like Anthony Gonzalez to supplant Marvin Harrison.
Mike Hass WR Chicago Bears: Tall dude, but 4.8 timed speed means he's going to have to hold on hard to his glory days in Corvallis.
Lavelle Hawkins WR Tennessee Titans:
Flashing any potential means he'll get some playing time.
Devery Henderson WR New Orleans Saints: If he worked with the Jugs machine and developed his hands? He's got a shot at redemption as well as starting again. But for now he's strictly waiver wire.
Marcus Henry WR New York Jets: He felt the magic of fat guy in a little coat. By the transitive properties, Marcus Henry has the power.
Devin Hester WR Chicago Bears:
The Browns have the right idea here. Players of amazing physical but raw receiver talent can do a lot more for an offense with the field position game than with various 5-10 plays on offense.
Johnnie Lee Higgins WR Oakland Raiders: A poor man's Ted Ginn who looks like he'll get more time to develop. Never mind him this year.
Efrem Hill WR Cleveland Browns: The best wikipedia profile for a camp body I've ever seen. Too slow and bad hands. STOP TYPING ON THE WIKIPEDIA!
Jason Hill WR San Francisco 49ers: Physically gifted, but he has still not had the light turn on yet.
Ike Hilliard WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: As Florida draft busts go? He's actually not completely shitty. He's a passable #2 at age 32. Chris Doering can't do that.
Domenik Hixon WR New York Giants: Came back from something that would shake the best of the best to get a ring for returning kicks for the Giants. 2008 may be the free fall on his roller coaster ride.
Ryan Hoag WR Jacksonville Jaguars: Appearing on a Bachelor-based program is indicitave of the fact that your NFL Career is over.
Jonathan Holland WR Oakland Raiders: He does not have a successful career as a midfielder for the Maltese National Team in his future.
Santonio Holmes WR Pittsburgh Steelers:
In 16 games, Santonio will score 10 times. Also, year 3 dude.
Glenn Holt WR Cincinnati Bengals: A shifty returner with magic run after the catch skills. He may be the replacement for Chris Henry for the Bengals in 2008. He's taller than Antonio Chatman!
Torry Holt WR St. Louis Rams: The new Marvin Harrison, now that the old one has shown a personality. Expect the scores to bounce back.
Joe Horn WR Atlanta Falcons: The only people who think Joe Horn's not done is him and those in his five. GET IT?!?! Too cool to learn about his plays. He'll be cut for a white guy.
T.J. Houshmandzadeh WR Cincinnati Bengals: Chad Johnson was supplanted in terms of Red Zone looks last year, and while Chad may get more yards, Housh may get the scores.
Paul Hubbard WR Cleveland Browns: A leaper with good hands, even if he is injury prone. The Homerist in me roots for him.
Felton Huggins WR Buffalo Bills: Obviously, it's an Alias. Felton? Felton?!?
Sam Hurd WR Dallas Cowboys: He's a physically gifted tall guy whom the Cowboys want to make...THE LEAP.
Chad Jackson WR New England Patriots: Injured most of his career, he's got minimal chance of achievement of anything besides a bust status by Rex Grossman logic.
Darrell Jackson WR Denver Broncos: Reason #3 as to why the Broncos may have a nightmare scenario on their hands. He's still talented, but he's missed extended blocks of time in several seasons and was downright awful last year. The latter may be circumstance. But the former?
DeSean Jackson WR Philadelphia Eagles: The expectation is as a version of the Miami Moss Brethren. The hope is Santana, the execution may be Sinorice.
Dexter Jackson WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
Remarkably far away from signing a deal with Tampa. The Dreams of Devin Hesterdom may be deferred.
Vincent Jackson WR San Diego Chargers: Don't pay for his playoff awesomeness. He was the only healthy dude the Bolts had at a skill position.
Taylor Jacobs WR Denver Broncos: Florida receiving draft bust. Will fight Jacquez Green to do Local Telecasts of SEC Games.
Drisan James WR Oakland Raiders: He was the hook in the greatest hook and ladder play in college football. That means he'll never have to buy a drink in Boise.
Dwayne Jarrett WR Carolina Panthers: He's done so much to prove that he's not gonna be a draft bust. And by that I mean he's been useless.
Mike Jefferson WR Dallas Cowboys: Is looking to replace Miles Austin as the return man with tantalizing potential.
Justin Jenkins WR Buffalo Bills: He's the arch-duke of marginally above-average. A 5th wideout hopeful. So there's that. Michael Jenkins WR Atlanta Falcons: Kind of lost in the shuffle. Starts as a #3 receiver.
Adam Jennings WR Atlanta Falcons: Speedy spread receiver type. Power running game from Mike Mularkey bodes well for his ass getting cut.
Greg Jennings WR Green Bay Packers: He's a playmaker. He's a scorer. But he will miss 2-3 games per year with his gimpy ankle.
Michael Jennings WR New York Giants: Does the speed demon lose a step after he popped his achilles?
Andre Johnson WR Houston Texans: If he's a healthy Andre Johnson, he's a bad ass Andre Johnson. He'll make Matt Schaub awesome.
Bryant Johnson WR San Francisco 49ers: The problem is that Mike Martz is gay for Route-Running. Johnson isn't great at it. He can play, but Martz may keep him as a good #3.
Calvin Johnson WR Detroit Lions: He's still built like a cyborg. He's got the physical gifts to bring about change in the motor city. He's still got two years before the bust questions emerge.
Chad Johnson WR Cincinnati Bengals: He's disgruntled. He has an ankle injury. Carson fell in love with the Houshmanzahdeh.
Jaymar Johnson WR Minnesota Vikings: He's a great athlete. He'll contribute return skills. But he's without seasoning.
Steve Johnson WR Buffalo Bills:
Loves unicorns and sparkles. Hates route-running.
Brandon Jones WR Tennessee Titans: If he's ever healthy for a full season, he's got #1 receiver skills. A Southern-fried Mark Bradley.
C.J. Jones WR New England Patriots: Cousin of Anquan Boldin who's looking to get in on the gravy train of New England making anybody awesome. He can kick return with some skill.
Jacoby Jones WR Houston Texans: He had awesome physical gifts who's a pretty good returner. The opportunity is there for Good Ol' Double J to make moves. Andre Davis and Kevin Walter are not murders row.
Jamal Jones WR Philadelphia Eagles: Some may say that this is Jamal's farewell ride.
James Jones WR Green Bay Packers: The last rookie WR Ted Thompson picked to show flashes of talent coming out of nowhere only to disappear in the second half was Greg Jennings. And now, James Jones may follow that same path.
Mark Jones WR San Diego Chargers: 17th-seeded on the Mark Jones wikipedia page.
Matt Jones WR Jacksonville Jaguars: He's a giant walking cliched draft bust. CIA Director Gates says Winners Don't Use Drugs!
Onrea Jones WR Indianapolis Colts: The Hampton-Newport News area in Virginia is a breeding ground for hyper-athletic football players. And you know what? It's not just in High School either.
Joe Jurevicius WR Cleveland Browns: His strength is mighty enough that the fact his knees are merely spaghetti. That is, if he ever could get back on the field. Ready yourself for T-Money.
Kevin Kasper WR Cleveland Browns: Sleeper if you believe in the fact that a white dude can come out of nowhere to string some games together. The Browns staff likes him.
Malcolm Kelly WR Washington Redskins: There's opportunity for him to pull off a Marc Boerighter-Reggie Williams low yards high scores season. He's got that sort of skill.
Jordan Kent WR Seattle Seahawks: He's the go long and I'll fake it to you decoy.
David Kircus WR Miami Dolphins: The Division II answer to Kellen Winslow in the magical Finnerty to Kircus combination. Wife-beater.
Ashley Lelie WR San Francisco 49ers:
Never did learn that second pass route.
Greg Lewis WR Philadelphia Eagles: Good for one inexplicably good game per year.
Brandon Lloyd WR Chicago Bears: Outside of the occasional highlight film grab? He's not much more than a Freddie Mitchell for the super-rich. Marcus Monk may beat him out.
Brandon London WR New York Giants: He's a coaches son. He's got height and good hands. He's pretty gritty. Guess what the color of his skin is? The answer...might surprise you.
Dane Looker WR St. Louis Rams: Rooting hard for the speedy reach to struggle at being a real receiver. Than it will be Dane's time to shine!
Chad Lucas WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: One of many who has to look at a Week 17 and say this was my cup of coffee. This was where I shined.
Maurice Mann WR Washington Redskins: Voted most likely to return to Canada by the Dan Steinberg. High praise...if you like the CFL.
Mario Manningham WR New York Giants:
Drafting collegiate character risks has a tendency to not work. But in this instance? If he gets his head rightish, he'll be a solid pro starter. Crazy works when you catch passes.
Brandon Marshall WR Denver Broncos: Reason's #1 and #2 for the nightmare scenario in Denver. He is an awesome player when healthy. But he's still got the severe arm injury. And the tendencies to get buckwild. He may miss 4-8 weeks.
Timon Marshall WR Kansas City Chiefs: Pumba Jenkins misses his wingman.
Ruvell Martin WR Green Bay Packers:
The best 5th Receiver in Football. Flat out and pure.
Glenn Martinez WR Denver Broncos: The smaller aspect of the Broncos nightmare scenario. Injuries could force a return of Glenn Martinez: Third receiver. Dun dun dunnh.
Derrick Mason WR Baltimore Ravens: Good posession receivers can last forever. But they're not scoring threats. Mase is not the man.
Marcus Maxwell WR Cincinnati Bengals: A tall dude who had a big year in NFL Europe before it closed. But three draft picks at his position equal cut.
Scott Mayle WR Buffalo Bills: His hands are good, but that may not be enough to fight through the ballast.
Justin McCareins WR Tennessee Titans: Just dropped the compliment I was going to toss his way.
LeRon McCoy WR Houston Texans: Looking to make a team after a two-year hiatus.
Marquay McDaniel WR Denver Broncos: A badass for the Hampton Pirates. May not make it through camp.
Shaun McDonald WR Detroit Lions: He'll always have last year. He was magical last year. Now it's back to his previous level of back-up career performances.
Chris McFoy WR Oakland Raiders: One-half of the real-life inspiration for the McPoyles of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. See kids? Libel can be fun!
Kevin McMahan WR Kansas City Chiefs: Hey look, it's the second Mr. Irrelevant I've mentioned here. Guess the other one?
Billy McMullen WR Washington Redskins:
He's a tall slow dude of no importance. Name leads people to think he's white.
Robert Meachem WR New Orleans Saints: After year one, he finds himself ranked at about 75% of a Busta.
Ahmad Merritt WR Arizona Cardinals: The Steve Breaston understudy.
Brandon Middleton WR Detroit Lions: Could be passable in a Wes Welker role, but he'll never make a team out of camp. I mean, Detroit has no room for him.
Anthony Mix WR Washington Redskins: Tall, skinny dude who won't be in Washington by first cuts.
Marcus Monk WR Chicago Bears: He's a 6'4" receiver from a run-dominant college football team. He has some nice gifts. He'll make love to someones practice squad.
Kenneth Moore WR Detroit Lions: It's a mess at returner, but he can find his way into a job with some success this year.
Lance Moore WR New Orleans Saints: 5th receiver. Possession receiver. Sounds like a lady when he's walking in a room.
Sean Morey WR Arizona Cardinals: His special teams bonafides are good. But he cut.
Josh Morgan WR San Francisco 49ers: Needs to be less of a dick if he's gonna be the speedy back-up special teamer.
Randy Moss WR New England Patriots: Is obviously expected to have another big year again. Probably not 23 scores good, but maybe he gets past 15 again.
Santana Moss WR Washington Redskins: When there's no expectations he surpasses them. But when he's got to be "the man" his hammy blows up the spot.
Sinorice Moss WR New York Giants:
Was supposed to be his brother, but has failed to even do that in the return game.
Muhsin Muhammad WR Carolina Panthers: A wide receiver with a lot of mileage on his legs. Don't expect yet another rally for his skills. Also, on the terrorist watch list. Sad fact of this Post 9/11 world.
Martin Nance WR Minnesota Vikings: A Dollar Tree Justin Gage.
Jordy Nelson WR Green Bay Packers:
A shifty receiver. Some call him Brandon Stokely. But he's too not injury prone. Also. I'm not lazy. He's like James Jones.
Dennis Northcutt WR Jacksonville Jaguars: An experienced punt returner. He's not much of a receiver.
Ben Obomanu WR Seattle Seahawks: He came with a good performance when Branch tore his ACL. He may get his shot at glory this year.
Kassim Osgood WR San Diego Chargers: The fabulous special teamer with the funny name. Actually is related to CBS Sunday Morning host Charles Osgood. Can be so much more than this in his opinion.
Terrell Owens WR Dallas Cowboys: Is he old? Yes. Do hipsters taunt him with "Needy Girl?" Yes. But he's becoming a deep threat in his old age. That's rare stuff, man.
Samie Parker WR Denver Broncos: Going, going, gone goodbye. Samie Parker is a joke.
Roscoe Parrish WR Buffalo Bills: Has the white hot return explosiveness of an 8th grade boy. Not much more than a slot receiver on offense.
David Patten WR New Orleans Saints: Epic failed his last season where he had expectations to produce. Devery is still younger and faster.
Logan Payne WR Seattle Seahawks: An edgy 1990's Superhero.
Jerry Porter WR Jacksonville Jaguars:
He's forever tantalizing. But he's also already injured. I mean really. If he didn't have an 8-pack, he'd get cut.
Jerard Rabb WR San Francisco 49ers: The ladder of the greatest hook and ladder of all time in college football. BOISE STATE FOOTBALL RULES!
Antwaan Randle El WR Washington Redskins: Still more returner than receiver. Never has had more than 3 scores in a season as a pass catcher.
Jamaica Rector WR Arizona Cardinals: He has decent speed, but he definitely has no room at the in with the Buzzsaw.
Josh Reed WR Buffalo Bills: Blocker. Slot receiver. Any more expectations and he's ripped apart like so much tissue paper.
Kerry Reed WR Baltimore Ravens: If he couldn't make it in Miami last year, why even bother with him?
Willie Reid WR Pittsburgh Steelers: What do you say...when you're drafted to kick return...and you cannot hang onto the ball?
Sidney Rice WR Minnesota Vikings:
Had a month where he was able to let his talent soar. Like Berrian, he's a tall dude at his best when he can go deep. But amidst the injuries he does have rapport with Tavaris.
Brandon Rideau WR Chicago Bears: The Kansas alum fits the Green Bay Packers model. Quick, tall, and shifty.
Dante Ridgeway WR New Orleans Saints: He may already be cut as I type this. He was kind of a badass in college.
Kevin Robinson WR Kansas City Chiefs: His College All-Star Game tells you yes. But his 4.74 Combine time tells you no.
Laurent Robinson WR Atlanta Falcons: He supplanted Michael Jenkins in mini-camps as the #2 receiver. He is at the level of one week plug and play.
Ryne Robinson WR Carolina Panthers: The want him to be Roscoe Parrish. He has offense productivity however.
Courtney Roby WR Indianapolis Colts: Related to Reggie Roby. 27 million times less awesome than him too. I wish Reggie was still punting. Even though he's dead.
Eddie Royal WR Denver Broncos: He's superfast. Legitimate sprinters speed. He is fated as a returner of kicks.
Cliff Russell WR Denver Broncos: On his fifth team. Likely he's gonna be on his sixth team. Soon enough.
Steve Sanders WR Cleveland Browns: Ian Ziering. Nothing if not subtle.
Chaz Schilens WR Oakland Raiders:
Physically? He's a rich man's Brett Swain. I hope Chazray enjoys the practice squad.
Trent Shelton WR Seattle Seahawks:
Trent Shelton terrorized kids in the Greater Little Rock area with his bullying shenanigans. The hazing is a nice twist.
Edell Shepherd WR Denver Broncos: A torn ACL means he will not get cut! Yay!
Arman Shields WR Oakland Raiders:
Sub 4.3 speed is sub 4.3 speed. Whoo!
Mark Simmons WR Houston Texans: 1-14 is and forever shall be his career total.
Jerome Simpson WR Cincinnati Bengals: He's trying to turn himself into another James Jones type. But it's a morass in the back-up's in the Bengals. Of all of them, he is one of them.
Bobby Sippio WR Kansas City Chiefs: The new Troy Brown? Psyche. Man to man on Hunkie Cooper is essentially meaningless.
Matthew Slater WR New England Patriots: The new Troy Brown? And I'm not joking about this. Returner who's got experience on both sides of the ball.
Brad Smith WR New York Jets: A solid batch of versatility and run skills who may be taking a real receiving role with McCariens dropping passes in Tennessee.
Marcus Smith WR Baltimore Ravens:
Tall, and hyperproductive in college. As a Raven, he will be forced to attempt to play above his head.
Shaine Smith WR St. Louis Rams:
Attempting to move away from Carmazzi, on the scale of Hofstra's alumni success in the NFL.
Steve Smith WR New York Giants: Good at finding the zones and seams in a defenses set-up. Will replace Toomer soon enough.
Steve Smith WR Carolina Panthers: Needs reigonal chicken commercial partner Jake Delhomme to be healthy for him to be deadly.
Micheal Spurlock WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Michael Spurlock is an African-American who quarterbacked in college. Two fun trivia facts. He replaced Eli Manning at quarterback for Ole Miss. He has Tampa Bay's only kickoff return for a touchdown.
Donte' Stallworth WR Cleveland Browns: You know what he can do. Very fast. Tallish. Injury-prone. But as a #2 reciever, he's kind of awesome when he's healthy.
Isaiah Stanback WR Dallas Cowboys: Trying to work his way to Brad Smith status. He's got great athleticism and no ill effects from his college Lisfranc injury. Those things are deadly.
John Standeford WR Detroit Lions: Has more championships than Barry Sanders.
Derek Stanley WR St. Louis Rams:
Warhawks don't ever back down.
Syndric Steptoe WR Cleveland Browns: The Nightman to B.J. Sams' Dayman.
Brandon Stokley WR Denver Broncos: Reason #4 for the nightmare scenario. He's a great #3 receiver. And he can be worthy of a fantastical roster spot when healthy. However? The Dugout is planning a Football Guys where Brandon goes through a series of comical injurious pratfalls.
Maurice Stovall WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The young man of the team...he does have trust around the goal line that Michael Clayton just doesn't have.
Chansi Stuckey WR New York Jets: Impressed in camp before he got put on injured reserve.
Brett Swain WR Green Bay Packers: Ted Thompson can pull good receivers out of his ass. The thing about Swain? Some other team's gonna claim him.
Limas Sweed WR Pittsburgh Steelers: He's tall. Roethlisberger likes tall dudes. FOLKS! Seriously, he's multi-talented if he doesn't keep getting dinged up. I mean he's a rookie. It could go Chad Jackson or Greg Jennings.
Courtney Taylor WR Seattle Seahawks: A cheap D.J. Hackett clone.
Travis Taylor WR Carolina Panthers: Move along, he's a Florida receiver draft bust. Nothing you haven't seen before. And he's not gonna Ike Hilliard his shit either.
Devin Thomas WR Washington Redskins: Not to be a member of the hater nation, but the highlight of his career is beating Matt Forte in the Madden Rookie Bowl. He may not make it in this world.
Marco Thomas WR San Diego Chargers: 4 teams in two years means he has a leather ass to go with his...no. Not even gonna finish this one.
Dominique Thompson WR Carolina Panthers: You wish your mustache was fly like his.
Craphonso Thorpe WR New York Giants: He has been waived by six teams. You can tell me how he's gonna do.
James Thrash WR Washington Redskins: Special teams ace who may find his career over by the time of his first cutdown.
Burl Toler WR Washington Redskins: Of course he went to Berkely. With a name like Burl he has to be a child of hippies.
Amani Toomer WR New York Giants:
Solid posession receiver who will be a stealthy beneficiary of the Shockey trade.
David Tyree WR New York Giants: Special teams player who had one shining moment. But the Super Bowl hero could become cut by the end of camp. That's crazy.
Jerheme Urban WR Arizona Cardinals: The Karl Urban of street free agents. PATHFINDER! On the real? Averaged 80 yards per start last year.
Mario Urrutia WR Cincinnati Bengals: My choice for the inexplicable sleeper of 2008. He's tall. He's got the 7th round pick stigma. He's kind of slow. Tall kind of slow dudes are the rookie sleepers of receiverdom.
Bobby Wade WR Minnesota Vikings: #3 receiver and one of the reasons why your offense may be in trouble if Jeff Foxworthy told jokes about fantasy football. Will not set new career highs.
Gerran Walker WR Pittsburgh Steelers: If a dude's short and you haven't heard of him, the expectation is that he's a speedy camp body. Gerran is 5'9."
Javon Walker WR Oakland Raiders: An injury-prone character risk. He's talented if he's healthy, but he's over 30 and he keeps flashing his roll where bad man can get bad ideas.
Mike Walker WR Jacksonville Jaguars: His potential is flashy, and yet? Inconsistent. It's a Jaguar trait.
Kevin Walter WR Houston Texans: 65-800-5 is about as high as his ceiling will travel.
Hines Ward WR Pittsburgh Steelers: Hey! Did you hear he was an Asian? No! Well he is! He's consistent and clutch. He could still be relevant by the turn of the new decade.
Paris Warren WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Watch him in camp. He was awesome last year. He does it again, and he could be making Michael Clayton disappear.
Kelley Washington WR New England Patriots: The second best #5 receiver in the NFL. Special teams ace as well.
Nate Washington WR Pittsburgh Steelers: One who if given an opportunity for success, could do a lot with it.
Todd Watkins WR Oakland Raiders: From BYU. That means he's a white guy! Likely cut! Yay!
Reggie Wayne WR Indianapolis Colts: He's a modern day Torry Holt. He's not brash. He's not loud. He's just consistently good.
Jeff Webb WR Kansas City Chiefs: He's shown flashes of brilliance for two years now. Also, he has to beat Devard Darling. Am I saying he's got sleeper possibilities? Damn right I am.
Eric Weems WR Atlanta Falcons: A younger, no photo available, version of Chandler Williams.
Wes Welker WR New England Patriots: He's a scrappy white guy who, if you want to ape Pro Football Prospectus, compares favorably to Terrence Mathis. Who's not white. Probably will get 90 receptions again.
Roddy White WR Atlanta Falcons: Broke out through the fire and flames of the dystopian nightmare that was 2007. So long as Chris Redman starts, you can trust that Roddy White can be a valid player.
Ernest Wilford WR Miami Dolphins: He's a posession receiver. Mediocre. Slow. But if the Fins get to the Red Zone? It's his baby.
Brandon Williams WR St. Louis Rams: His skills are most heavily versed in his return game. And that's why some Arena tean will love him.
Chandler Williams WR Atlanta Falcons: Living on the practcie squad. Looks like an emaciated Vince Young. Two black people look alike? NO!
Demetrius Williams WR Baltimore Ravens: Everybody's 15th Round Roto sleeper. Obvious sleeper is obvious disappointment.
Harry Williams WR Houston Texans: He has kick returning skills. But unless Jacoby Jones makes...THE LEAP? His skills are redundant and back to the practice squad with him.
Mike Williams WR Tennessee Titans: It's a USC receiver. Did he spent his year off learning about the sheer joy that is the crucnhy Chee-to? Probably. I know I did.
Paul Williams WR Tennessee Titans: The Titans have no Temptation in keeping him around. FOLKS!
Reggie Williams WR Jacksonville Jaguars: David Garrard's favorite goal-line threat. Seriously, he got 11 scores last year. Jerry Porter can't do shit to stop it.
Roy Williams WR Detroit Lions: Note to self. Roy Williams is flaky. He is going to bust his ass to get paid. I personally am waiting for the weird shit that Roy Williams is going to try and buy after his new contract.
Roydell Williams WR Tennessee Titans: Or as I like to call him, mediocre Roy Williams. It's like adding Democratic to a People's Republic, the dell is I tell ya. I am unfunny.
Troy Williamson WR Jacksonville Jaguars: The Jaguars collect first round receiver draft busts like a fat man collects cake. Williamson is the latest. Get some hands, buddy roe.
Matt Willis WR Baltimore Ravens: Raw talent is meaning for the practice squad.
Travis Wilson WR Cleveland Browns:
Oklahoma, in terms of receivers with professional success, has a great chance of being the Y-Generation's Florida. T-Money may add to the legacy. He's a winner!
D'Juan Woods WR Jacksonville Jaguars: Remember how awesome Rashaun Woods did as a pro? Meet the cheap knock off!
Wallace Wright WR New York Jets:
Special teams is what keeps this man from being called a nerd. Wallace has a mangina.
Dominique Zeigler WR San Francisco 49ers: Baylor alumnus. Obvious girls name leads to obvious hazing.

Well. I hope you learned something here. You get the good, the bad, the ugly, and the already cut. You can't hate on this.


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